Tag Archives: trife

Dating, we hate you. Please come again soon.

Once again I have had inspiration come to me in the form of an awesomely long heart-to-heart convo with Miss Foxy. She is so wise, and together we make a brain. Together, we also discuss many-a-man and many-a-trifling situation, as I have mentioned many-a-time before. The most recent revelation we’ve had is that we hate dating, and we also love dating. Who’s with us? Yes! Everyone hates dating! Everyone loves dating! It sucks! It’s so fun! It’s so terrible!

First dates are probably the most awkward thing in the entire world, and I challenge each and every one of you to find me something more awkward. Each person trying to figure out if the other likes them, while simultaneously trying to figure out if they even like the other person. Then comes the end of the date. What to do? Make plans asap? Is this creepy and too fast? Make vague statements of future calls and text messages? What if you’re not ready to leave yet? Does the other person want this as well? What if they never want to see you again? How does one know?! Here’s the answer: One doesn’t know. You just have to figure it out and go with the flow. This is why it is so awkward and fun and terrible. Getting past this first date awkwardness is obviously easier in some cases more than others, but I think we’ve all had at least one date where you were all like, ohmygahd, this is awkward but he is kind of cute soooo whatever. Or something along those lines. Right? Right.

Well what about after that first date? Doesn’t make things easier after you pass that first landmark. Now you’ve been on a couple dates, you actually think you like this person, they actually like you, things are hunky-dory and progressing fine. You learn secrets about each other and gradually are opening the door to letting this person in and baring your soul. But LORD you’ve done this 80 million times before and that last rejection was pretty difficult. I know ya’ll think Miss Sassy is all up on doing the rejecting (it’s true, I am) but trust me, this girl has had plenty of rejections and gets just as bruised as the rest of you chickens. It’s a blow to the ego, and when you share things with another person all that does is open the door to being hurt. And no one likes being hurt.

So why do we do it? Who knows. Momma Sassy says it’s something to do with our Lord and being drawn together like Adam and Eve and being fruitful and multiplying. Sounds good. I guess that’s part of it. The other part is that men are just so yummy, we can’t help ourselves. Seriously. How many times have you been dumped / rejected by some sweet talking man, got your heart and possibly your fist bruised (LOL/JK), and swore to all your BFFs that you’d never lay eyes on another man? Be honest. A lot. And what would you guesstimate is the average time it takes you to fine another something delicious to take you out? About 3 seconds. Because this one is different. Or at least  better looking. After a couple cute dates and fun times hanging out with him, you find yourself just waiting for the bottom to drop out. Because it usually does. They get bored or they find some hotter piece of ass. It’s inevitable, we think.

But why do we wait for the end? Why do we always expect the worst? Why do we always go back for more when so many of these little dalliances end in heartache, pain, lower self-esteem, and a couple extra pounds? Lately I find myself expecting dudes to just work me over. I assume it’s all a game, and so I put up my guard. I’m on the lookout for a phony and a guy who’s read too many books on the art of the pick-up, and usually I find exactly that, hiding beneath the smooth talking and ridiculous over-complimenting (I mean really, telling me I have beautiful eyes 5 times is not increasing your chances of getting anything except my annoyance level higher). It’s tiring. It tells me nothing about you except that you’re lame and insecure with who you actually are. So when I do actually find a real man with a real personality under those muscles, I am pleasantly surprised but still skeptical. I don’t know what to do with it when I actually find what I might be looking for. A real man. And I dislike this about myself. I am too young to be so jaded and always expecting to be disappointed. If I end up 40 and still single (yikes), then I will have earned it. But not now.

So this is what I promise myself, and what you should promise yourself, here and now. I promise to be smart and to protect myself from the scum bags who just want to…you know. Harsh but true. I also promise to have an open mind and let in the nice ones. Because the nice ones do exist, and they should be given a chance – as they are being open enough to give me a chance. And lastly I promise to take risks. It is harder and harder to share life with people the more we all get hurt. Who’d have thought. But we don’t want to be a bunch of old maids with 9 cats, do we? No. We want to have fun. And in order to do this we must take risks.  I have to open myself up to the possibility that someone, somewhere, who is not a pick-up artist, will be willing to take a risk on me. And I must be ready to take a risk with him. So bring it on. I am Miss Sassy Pants, after all.

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The Real Life Rookie Year: It’s a Hard Knock Life

We’re back ladies and gentlemans, with the latest and greatest on what it’s like to be a rookie. Aside from being young, hot, and clueless, we have lots of depth. We’ve got problems. We’ve got drama. We’ve got a skimpy paycheck. And we just want to drink and make it safely back to our apartment (or someone’s apartment) just like we did in college. Unfortunately, if you live in a real town and not a college town, achieving this most basic of goals is actually kind of difficult. Why? Because we’re all broke, that’s why!

I am slowly working my way out of this mentality and state of financial being. In fact, I’d say now that I’m 1+ years into my career and have now received greater than or equal to 30 paychecks, I’m not all that broke anymore. But go ahead and ask me if I want to make a quick trip to Vegas for a long weekend, or plan a week-long getaway on a cruise ship of my choice with some of my closest fellow rookies. My response will be something like raucous laughter followed by some kind of sarcastic comment regarding money and trees, followed by more raucous laughter. Such a good joke, planning a vacation.

But if I actually sit down and examine my financial situation, it’s really not all that bad. But for the sake of argument and the validity of this post, let’s go with it. Who’s not broke? No hands? That’s what I thought. Thought I go shopping significantly more often that I did in school, and I go out to eat a good amount more than I used to, somehow I am not just scraping by paycheck to paycheck. It’s all a mentality. We got so used to being broke and planning the cheapest possible spring break trip and/or hitting up mom and pop for some extra cash during college, and now that we actually have legit money of our own, it’s hard to not laugh immediately when thinking of planning some kind of exotic vacation with pals or your woman. It’s an instinct, and one that is not always correct.

So maybe you’re thinking, well Miss Sassy, I’m not broke…I have an awesome paycheck and I live it up thug style in a baller high rise condo. Bam. Fine, I say, must be nice.  But you have friends who are totally broke and still eating PB&J for dinner every day. We’re all in different stages now. Some of us have jobs in cubicles or corner offices with a steady paycheck from some kind of corporate hoo-ha, but some of us are still looking, or still working through an unpaid internship (ick), or feeding our souls and working for a non-profit (aka getting paid in pennies). So even if you yourself have plenty of spare cash to plan a cool vacation to Bora Bora, your friends are laughing at you when you suggest it. Not to mention days off of work! Who’s got that kind of time! We’re all new, which means we have something ridiculous like 4 hours per month accumulating of time off. Slight exaggeration. And we have to reserve those days for things like family and holidays. No one wants to work over the holidays, everyone wants some 3 day weekends every now and then, and most people have a nagging / loving mother who wants to see them sometime. It’s a challenging chore to try to save those days and use them as wisely as possible. Because you never know when some way cooler event is going to come up later in the year and you might need that day. I can’t complain really, as I entered 2010 with 20 choice days off. This is what we call “money,” or $$$. But not everyone is as lucky as this girl. You may actually get that 4 hours a month, which means by the end of your first year you’ve only got 48 hours, or a total of 6 days. Trife. Personally I think HR makes these ridiculous time-off policies on purpose. They’re all old so they figure all the new young kids just came off years of fun and games, so we deserve as little time off as legally feasible. I see both sides of the argument, you know, earning your stripes and all. But doesn’t change the fact that your old lady HR rep is just jealous.

The bottom line is this: as a rookie, we struggle. It’s a hard knock life. They give you a measly little paycheck, stick you in a corner cube (sniff), and give you 5 days off the whole year. Good luck getting to the top. We watch our parents and elders taking sweet vacations and long weekend trips. Our bosses drop work on us as they take their second summer vacation. I could never reach one former colleague because he always seemed to be cruising. The Mediterranean. Never have I been so irritated with seeing that stupid out-of-office auto-reply. It seemed to mocked me: “Sorry Miss Sassy, you cannot get what you need this week or next because Mr. Too-Cool-and-Senior-for-Work is out, yet again, with no access to email because this particular remote island resort doesn’t come with wifi. But don’t worry, he’s going to post pictures of his cruise(s) on the shared drive so you can bitterly view them and cry silently at your desk, whilst falling further and further behind in your work!” I love also that these notifications are always accompanied by something like: “If this is an urgent matter, please contact someone else.” AKA if you’re having a major issues, too bad! I don’t give two monkeys about your problem because I’m basking in the sun on some island! Ha!

But whatever. We rookies are nothing but resourceful. Plus, rookies are known for being some of the hardest workers, even on the baseball field. So bring it on, I say. Give me as little a paycheck as you dare, be unavailable to work with me, reward me with triflin little days off, and watch me flourish and take your job in less than 4 years, while you drown in your mortgage and college fund for your 5 kids. Who’s laughing now, old man!

Sass on, ya’ll. And remember. The most important time for which to save days off is football season. Don’t let a mid-winter and early summer getaway distract you from the prize.

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part V: Somebody’s Got My Tail!

We all remember the Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz, right? Adorable Cowardly Lion. Always pulling on his own tail, scared that someone was pulling his tail. He was a coward! He had no confidence! Fortunately for the Lion, the wizard gave him courage. Unfortunately for people who don’t live in the land of Oz and talking lions, we have to find our own courage and confidence.

There are two separate issues here: the first is we are all cowards when it comes to rejecting people, and the second is that we don’t have the confidence to accept a rejection and move on. Right? Then I think there is a third where the coward in us affects our confidence. Or something. Go with it.

As always, we will have an example. Example one. Miss Sassy goes on a date. Dude is ok, but not that great, and she decides to say no thank you to future planned or unplanned encounters. But how can she break the news? I think we all agree there are certain socially acceptable behaviors which typically should be adhered to at all times. Like telling someone, “you know, dinner was nice, but I think your kind of boring. Sorry.” I’d venture to guess that this type of statement is rare. Because people don’t want to be rude. We want people to like us and not think that we are huge jerks. So, while I may not want to go out with dude again, I don’t want him to think of me as a biotch. But I’m also insecure. What will he say? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he gets really mad?? What if it’s really awkward? I won’t know what to say! [Dramatic pause.] So I wait for him to call or text me and I do the usual. Not respond, not call back, say I’m busy, blah blah blah. We all know the signs by now.

Example two. Miss Sassy goes on a date (it’s all about me, obvs…plus these days I live vicariously through my own blog since I’m dating no one…so cool). She loves it. However,  he’s not into her and never calls again. She is crushed, and her confidence level plummets to a new low. She cries daily, wondering what she did wrong, blah blah blah. Then she has an epiphany. Who cares about him! She’s Miss Sassy Pants! It’s his loss! She’ll find someone else! Eventually!

My dear friend and Mexpert (Men + Expert for those of you who forgot) has this to say:

If a girl doesn’t like me after the first date or two, I think, “their loss.”  It is the only thing a confident guy/girl can say to themselves after a rejection.    Guys/girls should go into every date as “I have the package,” and “let’s see if they are interested in my package.”  If they are not, then it’s “their loss.”

Exactly. I kind of giggled when I read about the package. Some of us get stuck in 5th grade. But seriously, we are all the total package to someone. Perhaps your package is not right for me [giggle]. And perhaps my package is not right for you [giggle]. Mr. Mexpert also says if you’re a complainer throwing a massive pity party, it is an indicator of low confidence level. Stand up for yourself. Recognize that you are awesome, and stop wasting time on someone who doesn’t think you are the coolest thing ever.

The coward thing is hard to solve. The Wizard isn’t just going to hand us little boxes of courage. And even if he did, I’m not sure I’d use what’s in that box to tell someone to their face that I don’t like them. This isn’t the Bad Girls Club or some reality show on MTV. It’s socially unacceptable, it’s rude, momma raised us all better. Most of us. So perhaps we need to find the middle ground. Don’t come right out and say it, but don’t be quite so mysterious. And for those of us on the other side, for crying out loud, he’s not calling you, he just doesn’t like you! We must all embrace ourselves as we are. Let things happen as they will, and if people don’t want to be around you, move on and find others who do. High five.

And that concludes the series! Thanks to everyone for reading, quoting, commenting, hating, and blah blah blah. If anyone still disagrees with the theory, then I don’t know what to do. Go out into the dating ocean and put your new skills to work, and share your stories. Learn things. Don’t repeat mistakes. Don’t talk to the guy who wants to buy you a drink at last call. Have common sense. Stop dwelling on rejections. Be courageous enough to walk away from someone you don’t like. And be confident enough to pick yourself up and move forward.

Have any feedback? Constructive criticism? Mean comments? You loved this? Hilarious or tragic dating stories? Love and virtual hugs for MSP? Send them! vtsassypants@gmail.com.

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part IV: No Really Does Mean No

And we’re back! One of the great things about dating (and this series) is that it applies to both ladies and men. Thanks to the sexual revolution and other great developments like equality for women in most areas (see previous entry about equality in the work force…we’re getting there), women are not expected to sit at home and wait for suitors to call upon them while they learn things like knitting, keeping the home, and how to bake a juicy chicken. Which is great because I’m not a huge fan of knitting, cleaning, or cooking, though I endure the latter occasionally. Anywho. The point is, the benefits of this revolution can be seen on the playing field and in the dating game. Women approach men, women make the first move, women do the rejecting. The first two topics will be discussed at a future time, but women doing the rejecting fits right into this here series theme: SHE doesn’t like you! And surprisingly (as I have mentioned before), some men don’t get it just as much as some ladies don’t get it.

Exhibit A: I have this friend. He’s a decent looking guy, friendly, smart, employed, good family. All the things which look good on paper…or on a dating site! Yes (chuckle) he’s got himself a profile on one of the many reputable dating sites. Not to say that being on a dating site is laughable, because it’s not. It’s brave, and I’d say it has the potential to cut through a lot of BS that’s involved in dating. So moving on. He chatted it up with this girl, or they exchanged a series of messages, or however it works. They both decided they’d like to meet in person. So they pick a place, find a time to fit into her apparently crazy busy schedule (red flag!) and they meet. He loves it. Leaves the date raving about her. She is so cool, she’s pretty / hot / whatever adjective which means he approves of her physical appearance, she’s smart, and he thinks they had a good time together. So upon leaving, they loosely decide they’ll see each other again but make no set plans. She’s crazy busy after all and has a crazy work schedule (red flag!).

So a couple days go by, and he texts her. Then a couple more days go by and she responds (red flag!). He shrugs this time discrepancy off, as he knows she’s just so busy. But then another week goes by with dodgy communication and they just can’t work out a time to meet up. Her schedule is crazy right now, she says, she’s real sorry (red flag!). But he’s optimistic, and checks in with her yet again after another week passes. She doesn’t respond…until 4 days later. Same response. She’s really busy, sorry now is just not a good time. What does this mean?! He wonders. She’s busy, he knows, but he liked her so he’s willing to wait! He’ll work with her on it, because he is flexible.

Luckily for him, he comes to me for advice at this point. He wants to know the cold hard truth. Is she truly busy or is she blowing him off? And if she’s blowing him off, what are the chances he can get her to come right out and say that she just didn’t like him that much? I laugh a little bit first, because I can, and because it’s somewhat comical to see the other side of this equation. That’s usually me trying to decipher those text messages and getting all flustered. It’s cute that dudes do it too. So after I have my few moments of comedy, I kindly inform him that yes, she really is blowing you off, and no, she’s not going to come right out and say she doesn’t like you. He whines and complains a little bit because she just doesn’t know what she’s missing! She doesn’t know him well enough! I pat him on the head and shake my own, because really. She does know what she’s missing, and that is why she has chosen to miss it. She knew enough to know she didn’t want to know any more. Sorry! She’s just not that into you!

Some may see this as me being overly harsh to this poor boy. And yes, it can be difficult to deal with the realization that not everything thinks your the bee’s knees. I know. We’re all God’s precious little angels with our own special gifts, talents, and smashing good looks. But to some, your gift is annoying, and your face is more smashed than good looking. And this is a perfect spot to bring in some Momma D wisdom: “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.” This deceivingly seems to apply to just the ladies, but I have witnessed her using it for both genders and so I am carrying on tradition.

Next week we will discuss the cowardly aspect of this. You caught in this story that this girl would not come right out and say she didn’t like my friend. And in previous stories, dudes won’t just come out and say they don’t like you. Cowards. All of us. We’ll talk about it, and lick our wounds. Until next time, send some dating love to MSP: vtsassypants@gmail.com. Smooches!

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part III: Red Flags Everywhere but the Beach

If there’s one thing I strongly dislike, it’s the red flag flying high at the beaches in beautiful Destin, Florida. I have been frequenting this place since my birth and if you haven’t been, you should vacation or move there before you die. It is great. EXCEPT when the stupid red flags are out! For this little girl who doesn’t really like strong waves or swimming in the surf or any of that rip tide nonsense, I really enjoy a calm green-flagged surf, and sometimes will tolerate the yellow flag. But red is trife and ruins my ability to take my little legs out to sea. But that’s life.

You know what else is life? Red flags in the dating world. Red flags wave everywhere, and sometimes it’s even the double red flag, and when it’s really bad the double red flags are accompanied by the proverbial lifeguard – whether that’s flashing red lights, barricades in the road, or a friend giving you the hell-to-the-no face. We’ve all experienced it. Today we are examining two red flags: the guy who solely communicates via mediums which do not require him to actually speak aloud to you in any form, and the guy who has excuse after excuse but seems to deliver consistently enough to keep you around and guessing.

Year’s ago (because I’m so old), there was Mr. Mute. Mr. Mute was incapable of making phone calls. This kind of man/boy makes me wonder how some dudes would have survived pre-technology time. When you had to see ladies face to face to even ask them out…when there weren’t even phones! Gasp! Anywhooz, Mr. Muteface was texting me all the time. All. Tha. Thyme. I was so flattered, googoo, whatever, I loved it. But something fishy always seemed to happen: we’d be texting about plans for the evening and I’d decide to just call, as everyone knows texting is not always the easiest way to organize a meet-up. Yet each time, he would not answer. “Hey you’ve reached Mr. Mute, I don’t speak on the phone ever, so leave me a message and I’ll text you back.” I endured this for a while though, curious and puzzled. Our next Mexpert slaps my wrists for this practice:

I think it’s always a bad sign when said guy you’re lushing over only communicates via text.  Think about it for a hot minute… it’s easy and confidential for him.  Not a big chance that his coworkers will pick up his phone and read his texts while he steps away to drain the lizard or drop the kids off at the pool.  Also just as not likely is that his bros intercept his phone while he’s out throwing back jagerbombs and getting Iced during Happy Hour.  Thus, it’s real easy for said guy to text back and forth with his multiple boo(s).  Whereas, calling… whew… that will totally get you busted.  A risk however that one is certainly willing to take if he really is that into his new boo.

Ouch. Trufe hurts, yo. But Mr. Smarty Pants knows tough love. Those of you who know him know that he is lucky to be with (for now) the totally awesomely awesome Miss Fancy Boots (she checks his tude), but let’s just say he’s gone through his share of trifeness to get to his happy place with her. He knows how the play the field. He knows what’s up with dudes not calling or answering actual calls because he’s been that guy.

So if you’re a dude, maybe you’re trying to excuse this behavior, insisting that you’re not all scum and playing the field with nine different ladies. You just don’t like talking on the phone! And you’re busy and are always in meetings or something crazy important! And texting is just so much easier! Which brings us to our second red flag:

Let’s clarify the difference between an explanation and an excuse.  One is acceptable when courting a young lady, the other is never an option.  You figure out which is which… if you need a hint I did them in order.  The difference here is as follows: an explanation for being unable to meet up implies that there is a legitimate conflict on his end AND that he understands his commitment to your previously scheduled or suggested plans and thus will propose an alternative date/time.  Think of it like an Outlook calendar invite… you can’t make the initial date/time so you “Accept”, “Decline”, or “Propose a New Time”… which do you choose?  Option 3 is the correct answer and should be the one he chooses when giving you an explanation why he can’t stare longingly into your eyes over a fine meal and bottle of wine.  The always unacceptable option is to give an excuse, which simply means he doesn’t care enough to really alter his probably changeable plans to accommodate you and/or find a new time to rectify his situation that prevents date night.  His last ditch effort to guilt you into explaining away his wavering interest in you is his attempt at “keeping his options open” or holding onto a diversified portfolio if you will because despite your always classy, sometimes sassy, but never trashy hott self, he’s probably holding a few other cards in his left hand or at least holding something…

Baaaaah, Smarty made a funny joke! High five if you get it! And ladies, who doesn’t want to be dating this guy now that you read his idea of an awesome date! I would love a man to stare longingly into my eyes and blah blah blah. Vom. How romantic. Miss Fancy Boots is a lucky lady in addition to her awesomeness.

But back to the point. Dudes: stop making excuses and get with the program. Ladies: stop letting him make excuses and get with a new program. AKA new man. Trust.

Next week, we’ll swim a little further out into the red-flagged sea of the dating world. Bring your life vests. Or at least a noodle. And as always, feedback, stories, and new Mexpert opinions welcome: vtsassypants@gmail.com.

(S)He Doesn’t Like You, Part II: Tell Me Whyee, Ain’t Nothing But A Heartache

Tell me whyee, ain’t nothing but a missssstake, tell me whyee I never wanna heeear you sayyyy, IIIIII want it thaaaaat way! Flashback to 1999 when famed Backstreet Boys released this song and went on to be nominated for 3 Grammys (!!) and a won bunch of other ridiculous awards and nonsense for this crazy catchy but annoying song. Totally not related to this post but holy crap what a flashback. I remember feuding with my bff Talulah over which was better, NSync* or Backstreet Boys. To this day I maintain that NSync was better, but now in hindsight I know that Boyz II Men were better than both. Obvs. And I still listen to them and my boyz Jagged Edge on the reg. L. O. V. E.

MOVING ON to the point of this stupid post. It’s the second addition of (S)He Doesn’t Like You! Last week, we heard a story about how MSP got dumped over a period of a couple weeks because she/I refused to see the signs. But seriously, I thought he was busy. Not my fault that I believe a man when he says he’s busy. But it is my fault for believing a man who says he’s busy 24/7 and has no time for this here total package (you’re all the total package, girls, never forget!).

Our first Mexpert (remember, Men + Expert = Mexpert, and not related to Mexican anything), who will remain nameless and anonymous so much that I am not even giving him a nickname (crazy talk!), weighs in on how guys can be SO busy ALL the time:

It is absolutely true that some guys will give excuses to “excuse” themselves from the relationship because they’re not that interested.  It happens all the time.  Guys will use the “too much work” excuse on girls, not because it’s necessarily true, but because it’s such an easy excuse.

But what if he really is busy…how do we know the difference??

Sure sometimes work is going to get in the way, or something truly came up that is a legit excuse. But get the point where he does it all the time, then he’s not that interested in you.  You want to know a secret?

YES! We LOVE secrets!

If a guy truly had something come up, and he cannot make it out with you that night, if he’s interested, he will always say “…but let’s figure out another time to meet up”.  If he just gives you the, “sorry, I’m busy,” then he’s not interested in you because he’s not making plans to see you again.  Simple as that.

You’re so right, nameless Mexpert! It’s so simple! I feel like I have stated this before in previous posts, HOWEVER isn’t it so much more credible coming from an actual man, who goes on actual dates with actual girls, and actually rejects girls on the reg. One thing I can share about this nameless Mexpert is that he has a way with the ladies. Seriously.

I believe Mr. Nameless has indeed answered our question, why men cannot just come out and say it. It still doesn’t explain why dude from my previous post and past dating life needed to shell out extra cash to feed me when he really didn’t want to see me anymore. I don’t want to share a burrito with you that badly. But it totally explains why he was so busy and unwilling to make plans too far in the future with my little planning extraordinaire self. Perhaps, and I’m just supposing here, he wanted closure as much as I did, and that last luncheon was his way of saying goodbye, albeit in a way that didn’t sound or look or act remotely like goodbye. Any Mexpert want to weigh in?

So hopefully we are on our way to proving to all you haters out there that, seriously, it’s not that he’s too busy! He really doesn’t like you! Next week we will examine additional red flags of the early dating stages, and remind everyone of the difference between and explanation and an excuse. Head’s up: One is preferred and one makes MSP say, “BRNT, try again.” Extra love points to those of you smart enough to know the difference!

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part I: OMG he’s just SO busy!

Greetings my little monsters! We’re back with the first official installment of this series which I have so un-creatively dubbed (S)He Doesn’t Like You! Such an uplifting and confidence boosting title, no? But fitting, since we all go through so many duds (not a typo) before we find Mister or Miss Perfect-for-me. I tell you, he’s out there. You will find her.

So in what real world people call a good-faith act, I will be contributing a real-life story of my own to get this jank kicked off. It may be hard for you all to believe (jokes), but Miss Sassy herself has been shut down many-a-time (no jokes). Many. A. Time. And I am a better person for it. See previous entries about trifeness in my life, character building, blah blah blah. So here we go.

A long unspecified time ago, I was hanging out with this dude. He was pretty cool, good looking, employed, not living with his parents, nice to me, etc. So we’re hanging out a little, texting during the day (a lot), calling me at night, meeting up after work, taking me on cute little dates, paying me cute little ego boosting compliments. The following occurrences are the first red flags that this guy is not totally into me, but into me enough to make a half-effort: 1) I never met any of his friends. 2) He always told me “don’t be a stranger.” We all know how I feel about that. 3) After a while, I found myself the initiator of our outings more often than him. This troubled me, but because I am female I let it continue, thinking of any and all excuses possible.

Then something happened which gave me the little slap in the face I needed. Twice, I suggested some evening activity for us to do (you know, coloring and lanyard making at my house, or maybe a game of knock-out followed by capture the flag at his), and twice I was brushed off in a very casual way. He’s real sorry, but he’s got this event for work that night and it’ll probably go late, and then he’s got to finish this proposal. And again, he’s super sorry but his dad’s coming into town so he has to host and blah blah. I logically suggest we make plans more in advance, so as to work around his busy schedule. But really work is crazy for him because of just tons of craziness. It’s so crazy, he tells me, he just doesn’t know when it will cease to be crazy. Red lights are flashing, sirens are blaring, and there is practically a jumbo-tron on his forehead with the announcement, “It’s not my work, I just don’t like you!” But I am blinded by the biceps. From here, I embark on a little experiment to see if I can get him to passively tell me exactly how he feels. So after this second/third/whatever rejection, I cease communication.

On the fifth day of zero communication to or from him, I received a message that was something along these lines: “Yo girl where you been”…Well thanks for your concern, I have been right where I have always been, duh. It is you who has apparently gone missing from my incoming calls. So we schedule lunch because he “misses me.” Somehow my heart is not a-fluttering. Lunch goes well, we have normal conversation about nothing important, until finally at the very end of lunch he decides he wants to broach the topic of our 5 day communication hiatus. He asks me what happened to me. I politely inform him that I was where I always am and was perfectly reachable the same as always. He says I shouldn’t be such a stranger. I remind him that I do not do the pursuing in situations such as these and if he would like to hang out with me, he knows perfectly well how to contact me and make plans. He chuckles and thinks that’s awfully sassy of me to say out loud (it is, I am) but agrees that the ball is now in his court and we will hang out in some non-specified time period called “soon.” I smile and agree, suspecting knowing already that I probably won’t see him again. But hey, thanks for the free lunch.

Can anyone guess what happened? I didn’t see him again, shock of shocks. He may have texted me a couple weeks later, but he had been crossed off the list by then. There’s nothing like clarity, and there’s nothing like spotting trifeness before you get in too deep. So why couldn’t he have just told me outright that he was over it? Why did we have to go to lunch one last time? If we both secretly knew it was a waste of his money…what’s the point? Why was he so trife that he couldn’t just come right out and say, “yo girl, I just ain’t feelin it, you know.”  Instead of me answering these questions as usual, next week we’ll hear exactly why from our real live Mexperts.