Tag Archives: (S)He doesn’t like you

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part V: Somebody’s Got My Tail!

We all remember the Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz, right? Adorable Cowardly Lion. Always pulling on his own tail, scared that someone was pulling his tail. He was a coward! He had no confidence! Fortunately for the Lion, the wizard gave him courage. Unfortunately for people who don’t live in the land of Oz and talking lions, we have to find our own courage and confidence.

There are two separate issues here: the first is we are all cowards when it comes to rejecting people, and the second is that we don’t have the confidence to accept a rejection and move on. Right? Then I think there is a third where the coward in us affects our confidence. Or something. Go with it.

As always, we will have an example. Example one. Miss Sassy goes on a date. Dude is ok, but not that great, and she decides to say no thank you to future planned or unplanned encounters. But how can she break the news? I think we all agree there are certain socially acceptable behaviors which typically should be adhered to at all times. Like telling someone, “you know, dinner was nice, but I think your kind of boring. Sorry.” I’d venture to guess that this type of statement is rare. Because people don’t want to be rude. We want people to like us and not think that we are huge jerks. So, while I may not want to go out with dude again, I don’t want him to think of me as a biotch. But I’m also insecure. What will he say? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he gets really mad?? What if it’s really awkward? I won’t know what to say! [Dramatic pause.] So I wait for him to call or text me and I do the usual. Not respond, not call back, say I’m busy, blah blah blah. We all know the signs by now.

Example two. Miss Sassy goes on a date (it’s all about me, obvs…plus these days I live vicariously through my own blog since I’m dating no one…so cool). She loves it. However,  he’s not into her and never calls again. She is crushed, and her confidence level plummets to a new low. She cries daily, wondering what she did wrong, blah blah blah. Then she has an epiphany. Who cares about him! She’s Miss Sassy Pants! It’s his loss! She’ll find someone else! Eventually!

My dear friend and Mexpert (Men + Expert for those of you who forgot) has this to say:

If a girl doesn’t like me after the first date or two, I think, “their loss.”  It is the only thing a confident guy/girl can say to themselves after a rejection.    Guys/girls should go into every date as “I have the package,” and “let’s see if they are interested in my package.”  If they are not, then it’s “their loss.”

Exactly. I kind of giggled when I read about the package. Some of us get stuck in 5th grade. But seriously, we are all the total package to someone. Perhaps your package is not right for me [giggle]. And perhaps my package is not right for you [giggle]. Mr. Mexpert also says if you’re a complainer throwing a massive pity party, it is an indicator of low confidence level. Stand up for yourself. Recognize that you are awesome, and stop wasting time on someone who doesn’t think you are the coolest thing ever.

The coward thing is hard to solve. The Wizard isn’t just going to hand us little boxes of courage. And even if he did, I’m not sure I’d use what’s in that box to tell someone to their face that I don’t like them. This isn’t the Bad Girls Club or some reality show on MTV. It’s socially unacceptable, it’s rude, momma raised us all better. Most of us. So perhaps we need to find the middle ground. Don’t come right out and say it, but don’t be quite so mysterious. And for those of us on the other side, for crying out loud, he’s not calling you, he just doesn’t like you! We must all embrace ourselves as we are. Let things happen as they will, and if people don’t want to be around you, move on and find others who do. High five.

And that concludes the series! Thanks to everyone for reading, quoting, commenting, hating, and blah blah blah. If anyone still disagrees with the theory, then I don’t know what to do. Go out into the dating ocean and put your new skills to work, and share your stories. Learn things. Don’t repeat mistakes. Don’t talk to the guy who wants to buy you a drink at last call. Have common sense. Stop dwelling on rejections. Be courageous enough to walk away from someone you don’t like. And be confident enough to pick yourself up and move forward.

Have any feedback? Constructive criticism? Mean comments? You loved this? Hilarious or tragic dating stories? Love and virtual hugs for MSP? Send them! vtsassypants@gmail.com.

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(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part IV: No Really Does Mean No

And we’re back! One of the great things about dating (and this series) is that it applies to both ladies and men. Thanks to the sexual revolution and other great developments like equality for women in most areas (see previous entry about equality in the work force…we’re getting there), women are not expected to sit at home and wait for suitors to call upon them while they learn things like knitting, keeping the home, and how to bake a juicy chicken. Which is great because I’m not a huge fan of knitting, cleaning, or cooking, though I endure the latter occasionally. Anywho. The point is, the benefits of this revolution can be seen on the playing field and in the dating game. Women approach men, women make the first move, women do the rejecting. The first two topics will be discussed at a future time, but women doing the rejecting fits right into this here series theme: SHE doesn’t like you! And surprisingly (as I have mentioned before), some men don’t get it just as much as some ladies don’t get it.

Exhibit A: I have this friend. He’s a decent looking guy, friendly, smart, employed, good family. All the things which look good on paper…or on a dating site! Yes (chuckle) he’s got himself a profile on one of the many reputable dating sites. Not to say that being on a dating site is laughable, because it’s not. It’s brave, and I’d say it has the potential to cut through a lot of BS that’s involved in dating. So moving on. He chatted it up with this girl, or they exchanged a series of messages, or however it works. They both decided they’d like to meet in person. So they pick a place, find a time to fit into her apparently crazy busy schedule (red flag!) and they meet. He loves it. Leaves the date raving about her. She is so cool, she’s pretty / hot / whatever adjective which means he approves of her physical appearance, she’s smart, and he thinks they had a good time together. So upon leaving, they loosely decide they’ll see each other again but make no set plans. She’s crazy busy after all and has a crazy work schedule (red flag!).

So a couple days go by, and he texts her. Then a couple more days go by and she responds (red flag!). He shrugs this time discrepancy off, as he knows she’s just so busy. But then another week goes by with dodgy communication and they just can’t work out a time to meet up. Her schedule is crazy right now, she says, she’s real sorry (red flag!). But he’s optimistic, and checks in with her yet again after another week passes. She doesn’t respond…until 4 days later. Same response. She’s really busy, sorry now is just not a good time. What does this mean?! He wonders. She’s busy, he knows, but he liked her so he’s willing to wait! He’ll work with her on it, because he is flexible.

Luckily for him, he comes to me for advice at this point. He wants to know the cold hard truth. Is she truly busy or is she blowing him off? And if she’s blowing him off, what are the chances he can get her to come right out and say that she just didn’t like him that much? I laugh a little bit first, because I can, and because it’s somewhat comical to see the other side of this equation. That’s usually me trying to decipher those text messages and getting all flustered. It’s cute that dudes do it too. So after I have my few moments of comedy, I kindly inform him that yes, she really is blowing you off, and no, she’s not going to come right out and say she doesn’t like you. He whines and complains a little bit because she just doesn’t know what she’s missing! She doesn’t know him well enough! I pat him on the head and shake my own, because really. She does know what she’s missing, and that is why she has chosen to miss it. She knew enough to know she didn’t want to know any more. Sorry! She’s just not that into you!

Some may see this as me being overly harsh to this poor boy. And yes, it can be difficult to deal with the realization that not everything thinks your the bee’s knees. I know. We’re all God’s precious little angels with our own special gifts, talents, and smashing good looks. But to some, your gift is annoying, and your face is more smashed than good looking. And this is a perfect spot to bring in some Momma D wisdom: “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.” This deceivingly seems to apply to just the ladies, but I have witnessed her using it for both genders and so I am carrying on tradition.

Next week we will discuss the cowardly aspect of this. You caught in this story that this girl would not come right out and say she didn’t like my friend. And in previous stories, dudes won’t just come out and say they don’t like you. Cowards. All of us. We’ll talk about it, and lick our wounds. Until next time, send some dating love to MSP: vtsassypants@gmail.com. Smooches!

(S)He Doesn’t Like You, Part II: Tell Me Whyee, Ain’t Nothing But A Heartache

Tell me whyee, ain’t nothing but a missssstake, tell me whyee I never wanna heeear you sayyyy, IIIIII want it thaaaaat way! Flashback to 1999 when famed Backstreet Boys released this song and went on to be nominated for 3 Grammys (!!) and a won bunch of other ridiculous awards and nonsense for this crazy catchy but annoying song. Totally not related to this post but holy crap what a flashback. I remember feuding with my bff Talulah over which was better, NSync* or Backstreet Boys. To this day I maintain that NSync was better, but now in hindsight I know that Boyz II Men were better than both. Obvs. And I still listen to them and my boyz Jagged Edge on the reg. L. O. V. E.

MOVING ON to the point of this stupid post. It’s the second addition of (S)He Doesn’t Like You! Last week, we heard a story about how MSP got dumped over a period of a couple weeks because she/I refused to see the signs. But seriously, I thought he was busy. Not my fault that I believe a man when he says he’s busy. But it is my fault for believing a man who says he’s busy 24/7 and has no time for this here total package (you’re all the total package, girls, never forget!).

Our first Mexpert (remember, Men + Expert = Mexpert, and not related to Mexican anything), who will remain nameless and anonymous so much that I am not even giving him a nickname (crazy talk!), weighs in on how guys can be SO busy ALL the time:

It is absolutely true that some guys will give excuses to “excuse” themselves from the relationship because they’re not that interested.  It happens all the time.  Guys will use the “too much work” excuse on girls, not because it’s necessarily true, but because it’s such an easy excuse.

But what if he really is busy…how do we know the difference??

Sure sometimes work is going to get in the way, or something truly came up that is a legit excuse. But get the point where he does it all the time, then he’s not that interested in you.  You want to know a secret?

YES! We LOVE secrets!

If a guy truly had something come up, and he cannot make it out with you that night, if he’s interested, he will always say “…but let’s figure out another time to meet up”.  If he just gives you the, “sorry, I’m busy,” then he’s not interested in you because he’s not making plans to see you again.  Simple as that.

You’re so right, nameless Mexpert! It’s so simple! I feel like I have stated this before in previous posts, HOWEVER isn’t it so much more credible coming from an actual man, who goes on actual dates with actual girls, and actually rejects girls on the reg. One thing I can share about this nameless Mexpert is that he has a way with the ladies. Seriously.

I believe Mr. Nameless has indeed answered our question, why men cannot just come out and say it. It still doesn’t explain why dude from my previous post and past dating life needed to shell out extra cash to feed me when he really didn’t want to see me anymore. I don’t want to share a burrito with you that badly. But it totally explains why he was so busy and unwilling to make plans too far in the future with my little planning extraordinaire self. Perhaps, and I’m just supposing here, he wanted closure as much as I did, and that last luncheon was his way of saying goodbye, albeit in a way that didn’t sound or look or act remotely like goodbye. Any Mexpert want to weigh in?

So hopefully we are on our way to proving to all you haters out there that, seriously, it’s not that he’s too busy! He really doesn’t like you! Next week we will examine additional red flags of the early dating stages, and remind everyone of the difference between and explanation and an excuse. Head’s up: One is preferred and one makes MSP say, “BRNT, try again.” Extra love points to those of you smart enough to know the difference!