I have recently taken it upon myself to watch every TV show ever aired on any channel ever. Not really. But I have Netflix, which makes me feel that if this were my goal, it would be pretty easy to accomplish. Anywho, my latest conquests, if you will, of le tele, have got me to thankin.
If you have never seen Friday Night Lights, you really must get all four seasons and watch them as soon as time allows, if not sooner. It is a wonderful show. It makes me want to live in a small town in Texas, go back to high school, be a cheerleader, and most importantly, date Tim Riggins. Please take a moment and look at his picture. Or better yet, just Google him and look at all the beautiful pictures. No, he’s not really the type to bring home to mom and dad (and in real life Miss Sassy doesn’t dig long hair on men). But that is exactly why I want him to come to my home at this moment, sweep me off my feet, and carry me away in his perfect sexy truck. Fantasy aside (cough), what is it exactly about this fictional character that makes me want to be all cowboy booted and cheering for the Dillon football team? He’s a badass. Plain and simple. He answers to no one but himself, he has no future except for at Riggins Rigs, which if anything makes him more attractive. Say it out loud and put some Texas in your voice. Riggins Rigs. Genius. And they keep a long horn in the yard as their mascot. A long horn Texas bull. I dig it. Tim’s quiet, he broods, he’s mysterious, he gets in fights, and he almost failed high school. It’s weird.
Next up we have Mad Men. I am only a few episodes into the first season, but I am LOVE-ING this show. Don Draper is the man of my dreams, minus smoking 4 packs of Lucky Strikes per day. And even this is attractive on him somehow (smoking is gross, but in the 50s everyone looked good doing it). He’s the man on Madison Avenue. He’s got a corner office with his name on the door. He has a do-good little secretary. He’s a genius with advertising. He is quiet, brooding, mysterious, and extremely successful at cheating on his wife. It’s weird. [Ok possibly he’s a little old for me. Whatevs.]
Now which of you scholars saw the connection between Tim and Don? MSP is a multifaceted writer. She jokes, she rants, she riddles! The connection is that they are quiet, they’re brooding, they are chock full of mystery, and perhaps a little danger. What makes Tim Riggins tick? What makes him a softy around cute little peewee players and a nasty cheating bastard to his precious little woman Lyla? And what are all of Don’s little secrets? January Jones aka Betty is the best wife and mother ever. Yet he’s gettin it with some other brunette (a nice change of pace), and I suspect at least a couple others as the seasons pass. Like Tim, he has all the extremely undesirable characteristics, and yet…just something about Don.
Among other noteworthy TV characters aka men on TV who Miss Sassy is sweatin, include but are not limited to Agent Booth of Bones (for obvious reasons, and hey Ma! He’s Catholic!), Detective Elliot Stabler (he’s very manly, though I’d never take him from Benson obvs, but gosh, the smirk…the scowl…I mean, hi), either of the Salvatore brothers on Vampire Diaries (and yes, I’ll fight your pre-teen daughter for them), and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl (all because of this: “We don’t need tickets. I’m Chuck Bass.” …Giggles and girly screams ensued on my part I am not ashamed to admit). They all have something in common: they’re badasses, they can beat people up (or in Chuck’s case, pay to have someone beaten up), they’re mysterious, and they each have some slightly undesirable characteristic. Yum.
None of these dudes obviously are a) real or b) available. But I think it says something about me (and you, don’t lie, we all know I’m not the only female on the planet who wants to be Mrs. Tim Riggins or one of Chuck’s ladies) that these characters appeal to me. OR it means that Hollywood knows exactly what to give these characters to make me wait with bated breath for each new episode and beg for more seasons. Or it’s both. Either way, I embrace it with my left hand, as I embrace reality with my right. Because really, Tim Riggins isn’t really for me and I feel would never stand up to Poppa D. And Elliot is a bit old. And I know I don’t want to be with a man who cheats, so no thanks. But still, I kind of want to go buy a pack of Luckies and wait for Don to walk around the corner…and I’ll have just the cig to offer him. Wink.