Tag Archives: paychecks

Are You Looking for Snarky Sass and Constant Class? Pick Me!

I love writing. I love writing about trifeness, the news, working, working in IT, not working at all, writing this blog while “working”, parents, friends, cars, carbon footprints, shoes, Bon Qui Qui, and on rare occasions, boys. It is super fun. I suppose by writing and using this blog as an outlet I am making an assumption that people are actually interested and will actually read this jank. And guess what? They do. Thanks to WordPress’ sweet analytics, I can track how many people find Miss Sassy Pants (on purpose or by accident) every day. And surprisingly it’s more than just my loving parents. It’s pretty cool.

Thinking back on my childhood and youth, I think I always had a tiny habit of writing little stories or keeping up with my own thoughts and observations in some way. And yet here I am, as an adult finally, and have a career which involves zero writing whatsoever, aside from requirements documents, reports, project summaries, and the occasional IT Announcement email (it is more difficult than you’d think to keep the snark out of these) which no one ever reads (making it even more difficult to justify not being snarky). That kind of writing though is not fun. I don’t even really know why I didn’t choose something like journalism or English as a major, and instead chose the path that probably has some of the least amount of writing involved. Brilliant. But I have a fab job, and I actually do like it, at least at the moment. This here blog is a fun way for me to spend free time, communicate with my family which mostly lives far away, share hilarious boy stories en masse with girlfriends, impart my never ending man-related wisdom, fill time when I’m bored, and take subtle yet to-the-point jabs at dudes who are lucky or unfortunate enough to come across me in real life. Anonymously of course. And lastly, I really love having an outlet to remind everyone that he’s just not that into you! If nothing else, I really love how my dear mother and father think this jank is so funny. If everyone pledged to stop reading MSP except them, I would still write it.

So what’s the point of this slightly serious and non-dude-related post? It’s developing. I just wanted to share that I love doing it and hope you all love or at least mildly kind of like reading the occasional trife story. If I could make a living being snarky and sarcastic, I totally would. IT is so fab and I dearly love being the only female for miles in a cubicle farm of nerds and geeks, cranking out code and fixing networks. But who wouldn’t love to make a living with a blog? Not sure the paychecks would compare and not sure MSP herself could live off a tiny writers paycheck (see numerous posts about shoes) but she/I would delight in a side job which involved me sharing some sass (and switching from first to third person frequently, apparently). And how about I’ll just come right out and say, if anyone knows anyone who knows anyone who works for any kind of publication that could use some snarky sass and constant class (or a poet, since apparently I am honing my rhyming skills), sign me up. I will write about anything, since it seems the only things that relate every one of these posts is that sass or a lack of sass is involved. Spread the word and share the love ya’ll.

And lastly, a big huge thank you to everyone who takes the occasional couple of minutes (or 20, I know I babble) to make MSP part of your daily/weekly/monthly lives. I love you all. If you ever have a super trife story and think it is worthy of sharing because it is so freaking hilarious and/or trife, do send it my way. Guest bloggers also welcome, after pre-screening for appropriate levels of sassiness and class. Of course, Miss Sassy herself will always have things to share as long as I do not go blind, deaf, and/or slip into a coma. That’s how easy it is.

Never forget: he’s just not that into you.

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Ay! Scoperto Cattivo!

Today’s ponderings originate from a hilarious Newsweek columnist that I have just discovered, and I’d like to share. His name is Steve, and he writes with wit and sarcasm and it’s great.  I was originally going to write this about a sappy article he wrote about protecting his teenage daughter from horny teenage boys (My favorite excerpts include, “Boxer-Clad Sasquatch Machiavelli and Shotgun-Wielding Virginity Enforcer,” “scheming longhair,” “it’s supposed to keep the sun off your face, dumbass,” and possibly “I’m sorry your stupid.” I know right, now you really want to go back and read it!). But then I came across this little piece of hilarity right here and I changed my mind immediately.  Read Steve first, then read Sassy.

Maybe it’s just me, but I wasn’t under the impression it was too terribly difficult to monitor your bank account balance in order to avoid the dreaded and devilish overdraft fee. Not to repeat everything in the article, but seriously wtf people? Simple steps to avoid overdrafting include 1) knowing your balance, 2) not spending more than what you bring in, 3) using a credit card (other risks included in this but whatev). Alternatively, Miss Sassy Pants suggests the following, should you be a victim of a scary overdraft fee: learn from your mistake and promptly never overdraft again. Viola! I don’t mean to be condescending and if I am insulting anyone, my bad. But seriously.

My take on people who complain about overdraft fees being “unfair” is: Don’t be a dumbass and know you’re stupid checking account balance, duh! I don’t think it’s “unfair” that banks charge for overdraft fees. You know what is unfair? Genocide. Cancer. Hunger in 3rd world countries.  That ish is terrible and I’d say definitely not fair.  But we all learned in 1st grade that life isn’t fair.  You know what else isn’t fair? Someone else having to pay for your poor financial planning. The bank is not yo momma.  So next time you’re hollering at your bank account and get slapped with a yucky overdraft fee, don’t whine and complain like typical Americans.  Prevail against the overdraft fee! Learn from your mistakes! That’s what the fee is there for, to learn. It’s like a slap on the wrist. If dogs can learn from mistakes, why can’t humans?  My little precious, for example, likes to eat food off the counter. She is huge and can easily get her sniffer up there to grab some chocolate cake.  So she did just that one time, and when we discovered her indiscretion, she was punished.  Poor thing knew she’d done wrong and was all pouty and adorable, but let me tell you. She didn’t look back at me and say “but whyyyyy I really liked that cake! That’s not fair! I want my congressman to address this injustice!” No, instead, she sulked away and hasn’t eaten a thing off the counter (at least in front of us) since then! Because punishment = bad.  So she learns, and we still feed her and love her.  Much like your bank will still let you use its services even if you are bad.  My question is, how can we not just as easily learn from yucky overdraft fees that we shouldn’t overdraft? Is it not that simple?

Possibly some of you are saying, “But Miss Sassy Pants, I didn’t know my account was so low! How was I supposed to know? It should warn me!” Here’s my response: with all these mobile banking capabilities these days, there is no way people can not know. 90% of the people I know have a blackberry or iPhone or some kind of something that has internet or mobile banking application.  Technology is good, use it.  “But I don’t have one of those!” Do it like they used to do in the old days: use a regular computer to check your account. Call the freakin’ bank.  Keep a check book of transactions.  If you know you are prone to overdrafting, check more frequently. It’s really simple.  And please, stop complaining.

So next time you overdraft your bank account and complain to yo momma about how that shite ain’t fair and why do banks have to persecute you!  Just remember these things: a) call the WAAmbulance, b) it’s your fault you overdrafted, c) the bank is  not a money tree for you to pick at whenever you’d like, and d) if a dog can learn, so can you.  It is not sassy to have no money in the bank.

PS: scoperto cattivo = evil overdraft.  Little italian lesson in there.  I know you were dying to know.

It’s sassy to LOVE your job. Truly.

Ah working.  Here are some things Miss Sassy Pants dislikes about being a working professional:

  • Wearing a badge around my neck with a hideous picture plastered to it.  I mean it could not be uglier.
  • Worrying about having my lunch / any part of my lunch stolen from the communal refrigerator (yes Mom I put my name on it, no that doesn’t always work).
  • Actually having my lunch / part of my lunch taken from the refrigerator. Bring your own lunch people! There’s a freakin cafe within walking distance! We get an employee discount! Or better yet, buy your own groceries and fix your own mother-loving turkey biscuits! I wake up 5 minutes earlier so I can prepare that. Do not waste my time.
  • People with bad cubicle etiquette.  I think they should offer a class on this.  I would teach it, in fact.  It would go something like this: “Use common sense, have some consideration for other people, think about someone other than yourself while you’re gabbing on the phone to your girlfriend. No one wants to hear that.  Class dismissed.”
  • Having no windows in this flipping building. Oh wait, there are windows?! OMG! There’s one above my cubicle!? Maybe I missed it because there are perma-blinds plastered closed everywhere.  Apparently this department doesn’t like sunlight or nature.  I mean, gosh, don’t you love working in a dim grey box?! I sure do! *thumbs up!*

But of course Miss Sassy Pants is not a pessimist! I like my job. Truly.  And I like to look at the positive side of things, and would like to end this post on a happy note. To prove it, here are some things I like about being a real grown-up with a real-life job:

  • Having a steady paycheck. Nothing better than seeing that dolla-dolla come in. Money in the bank kids! Nothing could be sassier than this.
  • After-work drinks / dinner.  It’s pretty cool to join the work force of young professionals and the occasional cougar (depending which part of Richmond you go to…sometimes it’s cougars and a couple twenty-somethings) for after work victory dance or griping sesh.
  • “Networking Events.” Also known as after work drinks / dinner (see above) but also generally includes more swanky people from the office! Bring on the schmoozing! Miss Sassy Pants loves to schmooze.
  • Accomplishments.  Yes it’s that simple. You can’t say that you enjoy a job where you go in to work and leave at the end of the day with zero product to show for the 8 hours you just sat in your gray *dark* cubicle. Buy a pink lamp like Miss Sassy Pants has, and accomplish something! I like to think that each person at this place contributes to the general success of this great company I work for, including me.  How’s that for positive thinking!
  • Paying bills. Haha! Gosh paying bills is so much fun! Not.  Ok so what I really mean is, it’s great to be able to pay all that stuff all by myself!
  • My new car. Oh what? Oh you didn’t hear? Miss Sassy Pants is the proud owner if a brand new 2009 Mini Cooper S. Darn right. Could she have purchased this vehicle without a job? Negative.  See bullet number 1.

So stay in school kids! Work that resume! Own that up-do! Getchu them flashy kicks, find you a job, make that dolla-dolla, and get that whip! It is not sassy to ask mommy and daddy for money after a certain age. Update: We are past that age, so get on it ladies and gentlemen! Dudes: ladies will not love you if you have no job. Gals: dudes like those independent women – I know this because Destiny’s Child and Mary J. told me so.   Happy Monday.