Tag Archives: old friends

Say No to Digging Up Poo

Prepare for me to argue with and contradict myself throughout this entire post. I swear I have a point, though it may be confusing as I go about getting to it. You’ve been warned.

I ended a previous post about my GFs by saying that friendships last forever. I do believe this. But some friendships don’t seem to last forever. But there is something about these friendships and all friendships that do last forever. And I also believe that all friendships have the potential to last forever.

This post is dedicated to one person specifically, who I will not name, and a couple other people who I also will not name. Haha, so specific. Basically it’s dedicated to a few ladies whom I know and either love dearly or have loved dearly in the past. And also to everyone I love who has endured my drama.

Recent and semi-recent events have led me to do some semi-serious introspection of late, and I have decided to share my thoughts with the interwebs since that is what I do on this here blog. I have a feeling it will apply to more people than just me and my little gang of chicklets. Yes, this is specifically about lady-friends but it is also pertinent to dudes in some ways, I’m sure.

You know you are a grown-up when…this is a long list. During school, I had this great friend. To make a long story extremely short, we eventually grew apart. By the end of senior year I was 100% convinced that this person did not like me anymore and I didn’t know why. I could think of a couple possibilities but none of these were conclusive, nor was I convinced that any of these were the root cause. We had endured a bit of drama through those 4 years and so for the first time ever, I decided it wasn’t worth my time to trudge through the awkwardness and force a conversation about something neither of us could remember and try to make nice. I figured it was a wash. I had great friends and so did she. The only time it bothered me was when these friends overlapped, which was semi-often. But I had been hurt along the way, and I figured the same was true for her, and it seemed we were both happy. No need to dig up buried poo. It would just stink more. Time passed.

Then a few weeks ago I got a phone call from a non-caller-ID’d number after working hours. This is common since I forward all my calls from my personal phone to my work phone and therefore don’t have everyone’s number saved anymore. As I looked at the number trying to figure out if it was friend or foe (foe = work person, also common), I had a memory flash. I knew this number. Very well. And sure enough. She was just in town for a couple days, and did I want to meet up? Ya’ll know I can’t hide any and all emotions whatsoever.  So, per the MSP standard, my shock and surprise from this phone call was evident. But we agreed on a time and place and a few short hours later I was sitting at a high bar table, talking about high school reunions and ANTM marathons over a glass of wine with my old friend.

Something had changed here with this person and I couldn’t put my finger on it really. Then it occurred to me that it wasn’t necessarily just her who had changed. We had both grown up a bit since the last time we had enjoyed each other’s company in this way, going on 3 years ago. Graduating from college and making life decisions does that to a person. There’s also something about the real world that gives one perspective. I have new perspective on my own life, and I seemed to have a new one on hers, and vice versa.

Then 2 weekends ago I was, along with some of my closest VT pals (though missing a few key family members), in Blacksburg to stock up on some Hokie hugs and love. This visit was full of happiness for me, good times, funny reminiscing, bunches of giggles, TOTS, and a healthy dose of college drama.

I remember when I graduated from high school, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I was leaving all that drama behind for a newer, more mature and less dramatic existence. This ended up being true only in that it was newer. Still plenty of drama to be had. And if you tried to avoid it, it found you. Then when I graduated from college I thought once again, so grateful to be leaving the drama behind and taking only 4 years of amazing memories with me. Joke’s on me once again, as drama fills the lives of everyone around me, including my own. I have learned that the drama doesn’t go away, it just changes with age.

I am not here to air other people’s dirty laundry, and I am going to attempt to tread lightly on this topic. But I have to say. It repeatedly astounds me what “good friends” will do to each other. It is also astounding in a different way what friends will put up with from these “good friends.” The human capacity to love and forgive is an amazing thing. I have witnessed a few instances of this in my life, either being graciously given forgiveness, or graciously giving forgiveness. And in both cases, sometimes the forgive-ee was not worthy. But it is still granted either in the name of love, less drama, or ease. Sometimes it’s just easier to forgive and move forward – I know I’ve definitely done this to avoid difficult discussions or awkward situations. But not everyone is as magnanimous as me. Haha, just joking. But seriously. We all need differing amounts of time to get over things, whether it’s a fight between friends or a death or a breakup or whatever. With my old friend, there were definitely things that needed to be forgiven. In other words, I definitely had a list of things I needed to forgive in order to move forward (and I’m sure vice versa, but this is my blog not hers). But time did it for me. Time allowed us to go our mostly-separate-but-occasionally-intersecting ways and made it easy for me to meet this girl for a drink and have an easy and nice time.

But others struggle with this, and time is not always on your side. Friendship requires trust, and when that trust is broken, sometimes repeatedly and without mercy, we can run out of forgiveness and just want to say, “You know what, you’re a mondo biotch and I never want to see your stinking face again! And you look fat in that dress. HA.” Amiright! But I bet anyone who’s ever done something like that who is not herself a mondo biotch probably felt ridiculously bad immediately after. And she probably apologized immediately or promptly burst into tears.

Anyhooz, I don’t think that me and this girl will be “best friends” again, whatever that means. But it is nice to know that as two adults, we can completely put aside any differences we may have had in the past and have a nice visit, ask about the parents, and our plans for the future. We shared a past, and at one point were very close, and this is possibly what made it easy for us to converse so.. well, easily. Enough time had passed that we could both put whatever pain we had caused each other aside and just visit. We don’t need to dig up the poo, as I so delicately put it earlier. We can just smell the pretty flowers that grew from it.

I just completed that analogy so awesomely. Let us all go forth and be grateful for friendships we have, and not let pettiness and bad memories ruin others. Because poo is smelly and deserves to be buried.

Real Life Rookie Year: You Look So OLD

Anyone who does not get the reference in the title cannot be my friend. No, really. I think it’s kind of a requirement to even get me to have seen or at least have some knowledge of MBFGW. Otherwise I spout off random quotes in an odd accent and you think I’m just weird. Which is also true, but at least it’s funnier if you’ve seen the movie. Anywayz.

Today’s nonsense concerning the RLRY obviously concerns age. Age is funny. Age is beauty. Age knows no love. No wait, that’s love knows no age. Whatever. Age is a big deal when you’re a rookie. And I don’t mean your age as the rookie, just age as a general concept. Since this is not making any sense, allow me to extrapolate.

Think about being in college. With very few exceptions, undergrad is filled with people within 2 or 3 years of your age. And once you hit that magical legal time thus allowing you to indulge in libations in public establishments, perhaps you tend to stick to your own kind. Yes? In general, of course. I can recall a minimum number of times I hung out with freshman during my senior year. Not because I was super cool, but because I spent a great deal of time at TOTS, and there aren’t many freshman who can do the same. It’s not discrimination, it’s just circumstance. Classes towards the end of school are spent with others within 1 or 2 years of us, max. We all turned 21 the same year, we all turned 22 the same year, and then we were all gone from Blacksburg (sniff), and out in the real world.

So now here we are, little 22- and 23-year-old babies flourishing in corporate America or where ever. What happens when people in the office ask how old you are? For me, it has mostly gone something like this: “*wrinkles nose* OMIGAWD you’re younger than my daughter!!” Or “Can you even DRINK yet??” Or “Awww that’s so cute!” It’s always a chore trying to think of something polite to say in a non-sarcastic manner after these comments. Because we all know me. I love a good opportunity to be sarcastic, and it’s just so hard to not respond, “OMIGAWD you’re, like, older than my MOM!!” Or, “Do you have your AARP card yet??” Right? That would be funny, but perhaps a crucial CLM (Career Limiting Move). Anywho. It’s weird. These people end up being our friends, and perhaps you will recall that back in my glory days in Raleigh I was frequently seen out in the company of men who are my father’s peers. This is not a bad thing, but just something we are not used to as Rookies. Old people are old. Old people are parents. Parents are old. Parents are uncool. Old people are uncool. We don’t hang out with them. They are lame and only do things like watch NCIS marathons and do laundry. Right? Wrong. These myths and misconceptions, while true in some cases, must largely be left behind and forgotten. People in their 40s are pretty cool, and they have some hilarious stories. Plus they can probably help your career if you act like you have a modicum of class.

But that one is easy. What about the other 20- and 30-somethings? These people are our peers now. It seems to me in my limited experience talking to my limited number of friends (you guys, I was not prom queen.) that we, as rookies, have a difficult time adjusting to meeting people who are upwards of 5 or more years older than us. Gasp. 5 whole years! But this really is normal. And if you can discard your disregard for people who are 29, 30, 31, even 32 and 33 (I mean, omg), you will go far.

For example. I may or may not have witnessed this in real life, and may or may not have been shocked to my core at the awkwardness. Young Man is chatting with another Young Lady at this bar. Bar is full of beautiful people. Young Man is chatting up Young Lady like it’s his job, and it is obvious he thinks she is cute. They are having just an adorable little conversation. You know, the kind that leads to exchanged phone numbers and first dates. Just presh. Conversation evolves and she discovers that he is a recent graduate. Recent = within the last year or so. I can tell she’s slightly surprised but she’s classy and moves on smoothly. Then the talk turns to age. Well just how old is she, he wants to know? I am trying not to gawk that he actually asked this question, despite the polite manner in which he attempted to get it across. She smiles and politely informs him that she is 31. He is clearly struggling for something to say, and I am now laughing on the inside at his truly rookie mistake.

Firstly, everyone knows you should never ask a woman how old she is if you suspect she is over 25. I just made that rule up. I don’t know when it would be appropriate to ask a woman her age, except that I am not offended by the question and assume that this is because I am a young and vibrant 23. Perhaps when I’m 26 I won’t like it. But I’m pretty sure Emily Post or Dear Abby say it’s a no-no. It’s also unnecessary. Who cares if she’s a bit older than you? Or if he’s already celebrated 30 big ones? I don’t much care. Of course there is always a line, especially if there is some kind of romantic interesting-ness going on. I don’t want to date my dad’s bffs. It’s just odd, among other unpleasant adjectives. But I don’t think there is an age limit on friendship. In these modern times, there are so many more things that we can all have in common, and age simply doesn’t have to be one of those things.

So there you have it. We’re overcoming rookieness one stereotype and hardship at a time. Next week, we’ll discuss another facet of age weirdness rookies have to deal with. Think Mean Girls, only older and with more expensive breasts. I just made myself giggle. Stay classy y’all.