Tag Archives: not dating

(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part I: OMG he’s just SO busy!

Greetings my little monsters! We’re back with the first official installment of this series which I have so un-creatively dubbed (S)He Doesn’t Like You! Such an uplifting and confidence boosting title, no? But fitting, since we all go through so many duds (not a typo) before we find Mister or Miss Perfect-for-me. I tell you, he’s out there. You will find her.

So in what real world people call a good-faith act, I will be contributing a real-life story of my own to get this jank kicked off. It may be hard for you all to believe (jokes), but Miss Sassy herself has been shut down many-a-time (no jokes). Many. A. Time. And I am a better person for it. See previous entries about trifeness in my life, character building, blah blah blah. So here we go.

A long unspecified time ago, I was hanging out with this dude. He was pretty cool, good looking, employed, not living with his parents, nice to me, etc. So we’re hanging out a little, texting during the day (a lot), calling me at night, meeting up after work, taking me on cute little dates, paying me cute little ego boosting compliments. The following occurrences are the first red flags that this guy is not totally into me, but into me enough to make a half-effort: 1) I never met any of his friends. 2) He always told me “don’t be a stranger.” We all know how I feel about that. 3) After a while, I found myself the initiator of our outings more often than him. This troubled me, but because I am female I let it continue, thinking of any and all excuses possible.

Then something happened which gave me the little slap in the face I needed. Twice, I suggested some evening activity for us to do (you know, coloring and lanyard making at my house, or maybe a game of knock-out followed by capture the flag at his), and twice I was brushed off in a very casual way. He’s real sorry, but he’s got this event for work that night and it’ll probably go late, and then he’s got to finish this proposal. And again, he’s super sorry but his dad’s coming into town so he has to host and blah blah. I logically suggest we make plans more in advance, so as to work around his busy schedule. But really work is crazy for him because of just tons of craziness. It’s so crazy, he tells me, he just doesn’t know when it will cease to be crazy. Red lights are flashing, sirens are blaring, and there is practically a jumbo-tron on his forehead with the announcement, “It’s not my work, I just don’t like you!” But I am blinded by the biceps. From here, I embark on a little experiment to see if I can get him to passively tell me exactly how he feels. So after this second/third/whatever rejection, I cease communication.

On the fifth day of zero communication to or from him, I received a message that was something along these lines: “Yo girl where you been”…Well thanks for your concern, I have been right where I have always been, duh. It is you who has apparently gone missing from my incoming calls. So we schedule lunch because he “misses me.” Somehow my heart is not a-fluttering. Lunch goes well, we have normal conversation about nothing important, until finally at the very end of lunch he decides he wants to broach the topic of our 5 day communication hiatus. He asks me what happened to me. I politely inform him that I was where I always am and was perfectly reachable the same as always. He says I shouldn’t be such a stranger. I remind him that I do not do the pursuing in situations such as these and if he would like to hang out with me, he knows perfectly well how to contact me and make plans. He chuckles and thinks that’s awfully sassy of me to say out loud (it is, I am) but agrees that the ball is now in his court and we will hang out in some non-specified time period called “soon.” I smile and agree, suspecting knowing already that I probably won’t see him again. But hey, thanks for the free lunch.

Can anyone guess what happened? I didn’t see him again, shock of shocks. He may have texted me a couple weeks later, but he had been crossed off the list by then. There’s nothing like clarity, and there’s nothing like spotting trifeness before you get in too deep. So why couldn’t he have just told me outright that he was over it? Why did we have to go to lunch one last time? If we both secretly knew it was a waste of his money…what’s the point? Why was he so trife that he couldn’t just come right out and say, “yo girl, I just ain’t feelin it, you know.”  Instead of me answering these questions as usual, next week we’ll hear exactly why from our real live Mexperts.

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Mr. Too-Many-Text-Messages-Guy

Miss Swan (Raleigh Roomz…great nickname if I do say so myself) had been text chatting with this dude who does not live in R-town. He was all up on the text messaging. Like numerous times per day, numerous topics, far exceeding the 160 character limit, and not waiting for a response before he sends a billion more messages. It’s super cute. JK. It’s super something, but cute it ain’t. It is an excellent indication that he’s super into her, and also it’s an indication that he never got a text message etiquette lesson. I’m not necessarily saying there’s certain rules that you must abide by at all times, but there are just certain rules you must abide by at all times. This is more of a common issue than perhaps you might guess, so we will discuss it.

Dudes. Ya’ll know that girl who texts you 24/7 and is always responding to your texts within 2 seconds of you sending it. You know that one that doesn’t know when to stop. She is always sending something. It can be anything from “hey baby whatcha doin” to “OMG just ran into a friend from middle school at the grocery store, couldn’t remember her name, FML!” And you’re all like, I don’t care, but how do I say that nicely in a text? You can’t, so you don’t respond. It’s ok. We all do it. That’s the standard. Your phone goes off, you are disappointed to see it’s her again. She’s checking on you. Sharing some deep thoughts while you’re out with your boyz. You’re relaxing having a brew and she’s all waxing poetic about the universe and the Moon Lady. You just talked to her a couple times and now she’s all up on you like woah. And who the heck is the Moon Lady?! So you stop responding only she continues to send message after message. SO annoying.

Ladies. Ya’ll know that man be all blowin your phone up like he get paid top dolla to bother you all day. Trife. And you’re so tired. You don’t really like him like that. He’s SO nice and even kind of cute, but you just either a) don’t check your phone often enough to keep up, b) don’t even have time to respond because he’s sending them so frequently, or c) don’t really want to respond for fear of leading him on, because you just don’t think of him like that. But it’s so weird! He won’t stop texting! I mean like all day long! It is so bad in fact, that you begin to wonder if he even has a job or if he was lying to you about being a financial advice giver. How can anyone advise people all day and still have time to send super long texts uber frequently. I hate the word uber and yet I still used it because it is perfect for this situation. It is trife.

So how do we really know when to stop texting? How many is too many? What if some of them didn’t get through and you’re just making sure some of them get through by sending so many?? You just want to share everything with him. You just want her to know you’re thinking about her. Just so much to say. Plus you don’t get to talk on the phone because of your schedules, so what else are you supposed to do?! Here’s a thought: be rational. Technology is pretty advanced these days. Texts “go through.” They work now, pretty consistently. Fine, there’s the occasional delay or failed message. But it’s rare. 99% of the time (not a real statistic but it’s close to accurate I’m sure unless you live in the boonies), that ish gets to the other phone perfectly. Well he must be busy or something. She might be at the gym or washing her hair. OR…$20 to whoever guesses what I’m going to say next. He’s just not that into you! And need I remind us all again that it applies to both genders, so it’s perfectly possible that she’s just not that into you! Not sure if you are the guy who sends too many text messages? Here’s a good test: Scroll through your phone convo and see what the proportion of your texts to hers is. Is she super responsive and sending you long, informative, and cutesy texts? Fine and dandy. Are you seeing way more of your sent messages than her responses? Do you even remember when the last time she responded was? Time to stop and say no to drugs. Miss Swan’s little man needed to perform this test on himself so he could save himself from heartbreak and/or awkwardness when he realizes that he’s been having a text convo with himself.

Seriously, texting is super fun. It has changed the way we communicate with each other, and it has changed the dating game beyond recognition. Plans can be made without the two parties involved even speaking to each other (although MSP does not endorse this practice, despite using it most all the time). One can be in constant contact with numerous other people at one time, including one’s mother. And there’s certainly no rule that says you must take turns sending messages to maintain a 1:1 ratio all the time. But when your ratio is more like 20:1, you should rethink your strategy. Maybe it’s time to actually make a phone call, take her out, let her know you’re not just some lazy bum who can’t muster any more effort than text messages. Or maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the situation. She’s probably not answering you for a reason. And what is that reason? That’s right. She’s just not that into you. So how about you two open the lines of communication, figure out what you feel for each other, and please adjust your text message frequency accordingly. And if you insist that you’re just being friendly and you don’t even like like her, then you’re a) in denial or b) just really weird for sending so many unanswered messages. Seriously, get a hold of yourself and get a hobby and some new friends.