Tag Archives: Hokies

Hokie Hugs: Takes One to Give One

April is such a beautiful month. Flowers bloom. More importantly, tulips bloom (my favorite!). Pollen makes us sneeze. The weather is warm, but tolerably cool thanks to April afternoon showers. Easter is in April and Easter is happy. Praise His Light. April for college students is just that much closer to May, when classes finally end. In the working world, April is the start of vacations. People take their kids to Disney World in April. April is Momma Sassy’s birthday. April has just always been a good month.

Then some psycho a-hole (sorry Ma) decided to go ape-shit crazy (Sorry again Ma, but “go nuts” just doesn’t do it justice) on our beautiful campus and took our innocence and our happy April away from us. But my Aprils are happy again because I have great friends. I formed some pretty awesome friendships at Virginia Tech, and on that day in April 4 years ago, our awesome friendships went from deep and meaningful to something that was and is beyond description. Simply put, they are even deeper and more meaningful. I made new friends and deepened connections with others who I will always love, and I can go weeks and even months without talking to them and still know that when I call, no time will have weakened our bond. We all handled that tragedy differently, but mostly we clung to each other. Nothing was for sure except that we loved each other.

Now that I am out of school and have been making friends in the regular world, I see such a stark difference between people I meet now and people I met back then. I think I said this last year, and I don’t want to repeat myself, but having that kind of tragedy in common with people bonds you like you wouldn’t believe. It is hard to explain to others. When I was living in California and people found out I went to VT, they always had two questions: What did I think of Michael Vick, and was I there when that guy, you know. I’ll briefly interject myself and say that I support Michael Vick and think he is an excellent football player. I believe he paid and is still paying (literally) his dues. And I like watching him make awesome plays on Sunday and Monday nights. Sue me.

Anyway, the next question they’d ask was always a little trickier. I think people are curious and they do really want to know, “were you there?!” But they don’t actually want to deal with the answer if the answer is yes. They want me to say no, and then we can have a polite and sincere conversation about how terrible it must have been for all those students and everyone, and perhaps make some generic comments about campus security and then grab lunch. But I don’t like to lie, and I wear this bracelet with one of those 32 angel’s name on it, so I say yes. The reactions are all the same. “Oh wow!” “That must have been awful!” Followed by, “Did you know anyone?!” said with wide eyes. Then of course when I say yes again, it’s almost worse. Eyes get wider. Because they just don’t know what to do with themselves. How does one politely excuse themselves from a conversation about a tragic death and personal sadness to go back to one’s cubicle? Shootings aren’t really common cubicle gossip fodder, and undoubtedly many of them were trying at this point to figure out how to get the conversation back to Michael Vick. Heaven forbid I start crying all of a sudden and then they might have to comfort me or something. “Nice to meet you, do you need a hug?” is a little awkward, admittedly. Much easier to criticize a celebrity athlete for his poor treatment of animals and too-light punishment than talk about something heavy like a dear friend and 31 other loved Hokies being shot to death by a psycho. No one wants to get lunch after that conversation.

So it’s hard to explain. But you just had to be there to really get it. No one that wasn’t there really gets it. No one who isn’t a Hokie gets it. And since that’s a confusing statement with multiple negatives, I’ll rephrase: Only Hokies get it. You can’t comfort me unless you are a Hokie. You just can’t know what to say and how to hug (Hokies have special hugs in case you didn’t know). And you can’t learn it either. I could talk your ear off all day about what I was thinking, how my closest friends reacted, how my entire hall and building yearned all day to hear something about our angel, and then when we finally did hear, we wanted to un-hear. I could tell you about my friend’s sprained ankle when he jumped out of a second story window as death pushed open the classroom door. Or about a childhood friend who I learned later was shot twice and lived to graduate with honors. These are things we Hokies keep with us and I think it makes us better. Not necessarily better than you (though our school can beat your school in football which does make us better than you, natch), just better people. It makes us better citizens. It gives new meaning to our motto, Ut Prosim, That I May Serve. And we live it even more on purpose ever day because those 32 can’t.

At some point last week, the date occurred to me and I realized how close it was to April 16th, a date that will never look the same to me again. One part of me wants to have a wedding planned on that day, or have a baby that I know born, or something else happy and magical so that I can relate something other than this to the date. But another part of me wants to keep it sacred almost. I want it to be special forever because it is special. It was a totally crappy day when all was said and done, but so much goodness came of it, and I can’t say I wish it never happened. Of course I wish no one had been taken from us. But these things all happen for a reason and we can’t doubt that there was a higher meaning.

When I realized that “the date” was nearing, I marveled that so much time can pass so quickly, and then I immediately think about what I will be doing that day. It must be good because otherwise I will cry all day. There is an awesome concert in Raleigh and some other seemingly-fun festivalish events happening that would quite satisfyingly fill a sunny Saturday in April. But this isn’t just any Saturday. It’s April 16th. I need to be with my Hokie family and I need it bad. Last year I journeyed to the beach to be with my regular family and ended up crying alone with my teddy-bear of a German Shepherd Kyra for a good part of the day. She’s a good cuddler but her kisses are a little slobbery and she leaves pounds of hair on my clothes after we hug. And I LOVE my parents, alot a lot, and admittedly they are both Hokies. But this year I need some legit Hokie family by my side. I will attempt to run 3.2 miles for 32 lives lost (physical activity = yikes), and I will see some friends I haven’t seen in a year or more but it will be like I saw them yesterday. We will enjoy each other’s company. We’ll talk about the angels we knew, or we’ll talk about our boring jobs. Either way when I need that special kind of hug, I can get one. And I can give one, too. Ut prosim hugs, ya’ll.

Nothing like going home to Blacksburg to be with Hokie family to celebrate our lives, and the abbreviated lives of those who were sent to heaven a bit early.

Hump Day Fun Day Random Day

Happy Hump Day! I was tired of this week yesterday so I am thrilled that it is half over. Also, could summer please hurry up and get here asap. I’m tired of wearing my skirts and dresses to work and being cold all day long. We are in that glorious time of year when my iPhone weather app says it will be 70 and sunny and so I dress accordingly, only it doesn’t even reach 70 degrees but for 5 seconds around 3pm when I am indoors sitting at my desk working hard / writing this blog. Fun. Though I can proudly say I’ve worn dress pants only 4 total times since February 7th. All other days I go pant-less, which is quite a feat for someone who calls herself Miss Sassy Pants. Obviously it is also sassy to be without pants. By which of course I mean some other item of clothing covering my bottom half. Duh. I think HR might have a problem if I came to work in my underoos.

Also, random post alert. Ready go.

Does everyone remember back in the day when I said everyone and their momma and cousins own a Prius in San Fran? Literally. Well not actually literally. But seriously there were Priuses (Priusi? Pri-i?) everywhere. Though what I did not mention is that every Prius I encountered seemed to be driven by an incompetent person. And then when I moved back east, I realized the problem is not isolated to California, despite many other issues which are, thank goodness, isolated to this problem state. So now I have come to this conclusion: everyone from everywhere who owns a Prius is an incompetent driver. I now think there must be some kind of Toyota-administered test taken by all persons interested in purchasing a Prius. Seriously it is a serious problem. Next time you are out, take note of how many of these [ugly] [yet crazy fuel efficient] vehicles you see, and then watch their driving habits. I guarantee that a) they won’t know how or be able to accelerate unless they have 10 miles to get up to speed, b) they will start slowing down a ridiculous number of miles prior to actually needing to turn, c) they won’t then actually use a turn lane but slow down traffic while they d) make turns at a speed which is slower than how fast I could push their car around a turn. It is these people who make me yearn daily for my very own freeway on which to travel. Dear all Prius owners: move over or find your accelerator…your car won’t explode if you use it.

This is a hilariously accurate comic that a pal of mine found recently (obviously a nerd friend, since XKCD comics are the nerdiest of nerd comics out there) (also sad that I find so many of them funny…I suppose this means I’m a nerd). Doesn’t everyone remember going to the movies in large groups of 15 or more and never getting to sit next to the right person?! And the quote…”Guys! This is not socially optimal!” Loves. I honestly cannot recall the last time I went to the movies with a group of co-eds, as all movie trips of late have been with girlfriends to see some tear-jerking rom-com. Which obviously means seating arrangements are unimportant, as long as we all like to hold hands and can pass tissues to each other. But I distinctly have memories of going to the movies and wanting to sit next to my Axe-wearing-cigarette-smoking (the smell of high school boys…sigh) crush only to be put next to the most annoying girl we hung out with and/or the creepy guy. Absolutely not socially optimal.

Of course the same issue applies to carpooling. I hated riding with certain friends because a) they were turrible drivers, b) their cars smelled, or c) they were psycho on the road. Frightening. And not socially optimal.

Speaking of bad drivers, I have now dubbed Charlotte, NC as the absolute worst place to drive ever in the history of the world. I have never driven in NYC or any place bigger than San Francisco, but even in these large cities people navigate insane traffic congestion and somewhat complicated traffic patterns with ease. Even when it rains. In Charlotte, as with purchasing a Prius, there seems to be some sort of pre-test which only allows the absolutely turrible drivers to become residents. Symptoms include going 20 mph under the speed limit, rubber-necking at squirrels on the side of the road (I mean, you guys, it was just a cop car…no need to slow down traffic for 10 miles), not using turn signals, and other general incompetence. That place is worse than a church parking lot on Senior Bingo Night.

Happy Wednesday, ya’ll. Get thee to the nearest bar asap to watch some NCAA Tournament goodness. Or badness, since we have all already realized that UAB deserves to be in the toilet tournament of teams who can’t play basketball whatsoever, and that Virginia Tech was truly shafted to be passed over for a team with such terrible shooting stats. Go Hokies.

I’ma Sip Moscatooooo and You Gon’ Lose ACC Tournament

This past weekend was possibly the most emotionally turmoil-ish weekend in recent history. Firstly, I had the most amazing weekend with my old suite-mates from sophomore year in good ol Peddrew-Yates. There is nothing like a weekend full of girly chatting, mimosa drinking, and engagement ring comparing (not including me, in case there were questions…hardy har). I love reminiscing about hilarious college mishaps and embarrassing stories. Who doesn’t.

Secondly, the Hokies had a fantastic and then an absolutely shamefully turrible showing in the ACC tournament. That game against FSU was possibly the most stressful game for me since two weeks ago with Duke, but MAN what an ending! And what an awesome feeling, knowing, or at least thinking positively about our NCAA hopes now having beat FSU not just once, but twice! Cheers! Seth cried, Malcom Delaney made a depressingly cynical comment about getting an NCAA bid, I drank Ginger Ale to calm my nervous tummy.

Then the next day us gals sat around watching the semi-finals on ESPN HD with surround-sound, with mimosas (and then just Moscato…thus the title) in hand watching our boys in super swanky Burnt Orange jerseys forget to actually play basketball against Duke. Fun times. Best drinking game ever: drink every time we score. Too bad we ended up not scoring that much, so I changed it to drink-every-time-they-show-Kyle-Singler’s-disgustingly-hideous-face. That one was much more fun. HOLY MOSES is he ugly or WHAT.

Anyway, post-Duke smack-down and well on our way to buzzed and/or already drunk, we prepared for an awesome night in downtown, or if we want to be fancy and correct, Uptown Charlotte. It was, like, the best time ever. Everyone had a good hair day (including me! I know!), looked SO fetch, and watch Miss Foxy get hit on by a billion dudes. That girl has got it going on, I tell you. And really there’s nothing like a night of hilarity, popping bubbly and dancing like we’re crunk with great girlfriends to cure basketball sorrows. Plus, no one likes Duke. Except Duke fans. Whatever. But everyone loves a girls weekend.

And THEN on Sunday something even turrible-er happened. We got shafted AGAIN by the NCAA head a-holes who pick teams to play in the supposed best dance ever or whatever it’s called. Guess who doesn’t care about any stupid dance anymore!? Me. And Hokies everywhere who now hate the NCAA for being SUCH AWFUL HATERS. Not only was I / currently am PMSingly emotional over this, but the FACTS support me (a rarity) and every other pissed off Hokie out there. I mean. I’m not a sports writer and there are a billion other sources who research this jank and then write about it, so I won’t. Go check out Kyle Tucker’s blog for some real journalism and then come back here to help me rage at the man about it.

Luckily, the ladies and I closed out our awesome girls weekend with a trip to an awesome antique mall and the best store in the world, IKEA. Yes. You know you are getting old when you cease shopping for clothes together and start with the home furnishings and fun things like vases and kitchenware. It’s hard to say no to all the awesome deals and fun make-your-own-lamp department. Loves. So needless to say, despite hearing the disgusting news about the NCAA bracket while I was alone in my car en route back to R-town with no one to cry to, my high from my awesome IKEA purchases and amazing fun times with good friends helped me through [longest sentence ever].  Thanks girls.

Meantime. Dear NCAA Dudes Who Make Decisions: You suck. I know it makes me less of a lady to say it like that, but I say that with the utmost charm and batting of eyelashes. Next year don’t make excuses for blatantly not picking teams whose records show they deserve to play like “differing opinions of criteria” and etcetera bull hoo-ha. Just come out and admit that you are silly old men without a clue.

Also in the meantime, Hokies should do as I am doing: get over it and embrace new opportunities. It’s fun to rage and be mad, but apparently the NIT finals are being played in Madison Square Garden and broadcast nationally, which seems to me to be a perfect opportunity to show how awesome we are at choking on key opportunities OR how we can persevere and not be thugs on the court cough Jeff Allen cough. Seriously. It’s sad we didn’t get picked. Not even for measly last seed spot.  But then, I guess it’s not cool to whine and complain. Get it done at NIT, little boys, and maybe next year you can not foul out as much, make free throws, and find a cute dress for the Big Dance. A dropped-waist cut looks best on those with long limbs.

And I’m so happy to have such great friends. You make life’s sad times happy!

Go Hokies!

No better way to say it: How Bout Them Hokies!

Happy Friday people. I know I missed the next entry of the Thursday Rookie Series, but I was otherwise occupied getting excited for, being excited while, and reveling in the excitement of an awesome Hokie victory versus that other school in Georgia. We all know there is only one Tech, and that is VIRGINIA TECH. Or as the Voice of VT says, THE University of Virginia, TECH. However you say it, we rocked it last night and it was awesome. I ventured into SF to enjoy the game with other Bay Area Hokies at TOTS’ San Fran location, otherwise known as the Bus Stop. We were drinking PBR, eating pizza, and yelling LET’S GO….HOKIES like we should. It was glorious. Then we played flip cup at another bar and I discovered I’m still a master like I was in school. Baller. And I discovered yet another weird thing people on the west coast do: play beer pong with 10 cups instead of 6. While I have certainly seen this before on the east coast, I learned specifically that it’s a self-proclaimed west coast thing. Another thing I learned: west coast people like to claim things as a “west coast thing” even when they’re not.

ANYWHO.

It really is something to be a Hokie. The cool thing is that I think I actually have gotten at least 3 people formerly uninterested in college football to watch some games! This is exciting for me, because now I have at least a couple people with which (which whom? with who? with which sounds best) to discuss game happenings and polls on Mondays. It is so non-exciting to have no one to gab about QB stats, Heisman possibilities, and how terrible UVA is this year (regardless of if this last one is true, I have to say it).

But back to the Hokies. I freaking love them. I love us more now than I did yesterday before the game. It is the best game I have watched in a while. And as we all know, there is nothing like being in Blacksburg on a Thursday night for a game, even if we’re not physically there. It’s freezing cold, it rains, we skip class ridiculously to enjoy pre-game activities, and we love it. Or in my case we leave work super early to travel to the bar, sweat on the bus because it’s 80 degrees and a gorgeous sunny afternoon, and are near tears when we see fellow Hokies on TV shaking the stands at Lane. It’s jealousy but it’s love because I’ve been there and had my fair share of Thursday nights in that town. It’s just as glorious on TV. And I especially love it when even the commentators admit that there is nothing like Blacksburg on a Thursday night. No, I’ve never been to other schools on a Thursday but I’m willing to bet we do it best, as we do most things best. Because we’re the best. I could go on because I’m just so full of love and happiness for our victory and awesomeness but I’ll stop.

Here’s to you Frank, Bud, T-Mobile, RMFW, Wilson, and again to you Greg Nosal just because you lack a finger now, the O-line (who were freaking aweosome, btw), and to the rest of you. You’re awesome. I raise my Corona Light which I will have in my hand  momentarily to you. Here’s to my new “Get MSP to the Bowl Game” fund. Here’s to my parents who took me to games when I was a wee one of 12, braces and all, and created a little Hokie football loving monster. Here’s to my parents again for paying my way through 4 years of awesome college and here’s to me for making it all the way through and only missing one game (stupid lottery). I’m just all blubbery now. Someone get me a tissue. Go Hokies. Virginia Tech for Life.

Hokies. I love us.

As you know, I am currently swankin it up on the west coast. It is great. San Fran is an awesome city, and though I do not actually live in EssEff, I live close enough to do some cool stuff. Cool points for me. What is not cool however, is lack of freaking college football around these parts. Namely Virginia Tech football. I have been in desperate need of a heated argument with someone about whether ACC or SEC is better, or which TECH is better: VA or GA. We all know the answer to the latter, and we all know who’s in our hearts for the former, regardless of facts and stats which may or may not back us up. ANYWHO.

Recently, I was out at a local establishment with TVs and noticed something. Despite minimal numbers of people who care about college football, those that do care, STILL care more about east coast ball than west coast! Awesome! So I’m thinking I just need to look harder for people and places which support really good college football. Because seriously who cares about the PAC 10 or 12 or 14 or whatever it is now? Who? Crickets. No one cares. Biggest game around this bay is UC Berkeley vs. Stanford. Again, no one but alums of those schools care. And even the alums don’t really care because their schools are never ranked. So they get hyped for one game per season and the rest of the time only watch baseball post-season (which I’m SO into this year. Go Giants. Don’t tell Grandad.) and the 49ers (blah).

So to fill the void in my heart for college football and everything Virginia Tech, I’ve found some love in places other than bars and TV. I’m sharing because even you losers who actually get to attend games (is that bitter jealousy you sense? yes) should be hitting this stuff. It’s good. The first is the North End Zone. I don’t know any of these dudes who write this blog, but they are hilarious. I’m an avid fan now and I check it weekly to see predictions, game recaps, and in general awesomeness relating to good and terrible Hokie football.

Next. Two words. Kyle Tucker. I believe know I am late joining this bandwagon but this guy has got it going on. I follow him on twitter, I read his blog, I hang on his every comment about our team. I wish I could have the Virginia-Pilot delivered to my doorstep just to read his words of bliss. Be still my beating heart.

This next one is kind of mean but also hilarious: FBS. That’s right, the notion of firing our ill-favored head offensive coach Bryan Stinespring has its own website. This is glorious, and I will say I knew about this site back in the day but it had completely vacated my memory banks. Well, it’s back – in my memory that is, as it never actually went away. And it’s glorious. Because seriously, if the coach’s son can call plays better than the coach himself, why are we paying him? To not coach? I’m no expert, but even I can see that this is just silly.

Here’s something new. Alumni Associations. Virginia Tech has a ginormous alumni association. And there are chapters all over the world. If I move to Ireland for my next rotation, there will be a VT Alumni Chapter which I will join. If I moved to China or India or Bali or freaking anywhere on the entire planet, there would be a group of VT alumni in that area doing something together as Hokies on some kind of regular schedule. AWESOME. Here in the San Fran Bay area, there are over 2,000 [known] Hokies! And there’s a distro list! And they tailgate at bars! And they volunteer! Ut Prosim ya’ll. The guy who writes the regular weekly emails is hilarious and makes me laugh and love my school even more. He calls himself Hokie Hans. This is to you Hokie Hans: you are the man. Your emails are long, ridiculously enthusiastic, and wonderful. Keep being aweosme. Love, Hokie Sassy Pants.

And lastly, I must pay homage to mobile.ESPN.com. Thanks to AT&T’s [awesomely terrible] service on my iPhone, I can view games on the go like never before. For example, last weekend I went on an epic hike (epic = 11 miles = 4000 ft. = couldn’t walk the next day) at 7am. The hike was estimated to take about 5 or 6 hours give or take. 7am + 5 or 6 hours = I would miss the game, which started at 9am Pacific time. No fear. We hiked and got a little more than halfway up the mountain before kickoff. At promptly 10 minutes after 9am, I was hiking with phone in hand, watching live updates as they happen. Thank goodness cell towers sat atop this mountain, otherwise my tears would have accompanied me to the top instead of my cries of joy at each touchdown.

So thank you, all you people and Hokies, for making sure that I can still get my fill even while I am far away. This is probably the most successful long-distance relationship I will ever have. GO HOKIES!

Report: Hokies Still Learning How to Play So-Called Game of “Football”

Reporting from everywhere, people everywhere are reporting the lack of “football” that was played by the Virginia Tech Hokies in yesterday’s season opener for the Hokies and non-rival / totally random opponent Boise State. Within 4 minutes of kickoff, Hokies everywhere curiously wondered why there were no actual “football players” playing real “football” during this game. By the end of the first quarter with this formerly great football team giving up two touchdowns and a field goal, many wondered if “football” still existed and if the so-called “football players” had actually been training for months leading up to this game with famed and beloved coach, Frank Beamer.

Additionally, there were sitings on the field of “excess ego” and “foolishness.” And while Boise State players seemed to actually be ready to play a game of football, Virginia Tech’s team seemed to be distracted by their own badass uniforms and supposed knowledge that they were already great and didn’t need to prove it by gaining yardage on the field in what is known as “first downs,” and eventually scoring points by achieving “touchdowns.”

Luckily, coaching greats Frank Beamer, Billy Hite, and Bud Foster whupped the boys into shape by deflating said “egos” and reminding them that to be great, a team must actually play real football. The Hokies, who have an extremely impressive and loyal fan-base even in the face of turrible football playing again and again, managed to find themselves remembering how to “play football” and came back for an impressive gain of score-age in the second quarter and second half of the game.

This abrupt turn-around in performance, which some fans called “showing up” and “not being little girls on the field,” was promising and warmed the hearts of Hokies across the globe, whether watching in the stadium, in bars, or on espn.com from their mom’s basement. “This is the Hokie football I remember from past great seasons,” one fan remarked. While another insisted still that despite the improvement in play, “[Offensive Coordinator Bryan] Stinespring still needs to go!”

Still, as fate would have it, the Hokies failed to keep the Broncos from scoring one last “touchdown” in the last 1.5 minutes of the game, proving two to three things yet again: 1) that the little mistakes [like missing a ridiculously short field goal of 34 yards for crying out loud] are the ones that catch up to you in the end and lose the game, 2) that 1 minute on the clock is enough time for anyone to score something but us, and 3) that Hokies everywhere still love watching our team “play football” no matter how turribly or heroically they play.  “We love you Tyrod!” shouted one enthusiastic graduate to the TV as the clock wound down the final seconds of despair. Other fans proclaimed love to Ryan Williams and many other players, proving that each fan has his or her own favorite no matter that player’s performance.  One fan, speaking on the condition of anonymity, informed that “we’ll always love them, no matter how [expletive] they play. Even if we lose every [expletive] game for the rest of this [expletive] season, we’ll love them and will keep coming back for more.” Other nearby fans  cheered in agreement, raising their cans of $1 PBR (a phenomenon found across North America)  in a toast to fantastically heartbreaking Hokie football.

For next week, fans everywhere are hopeful that our players will leave their egos and self-impressiveness in their lockers during the game, especially since the Hokies will be battling non-famous James Madison University, a team which they should be able to squash with minimal effort.

Stoked for your frat’s rush party next week. Thanks for the 500 invites.

End of August / beginning of September brings a number of wonderful things: college football (OMG 7 days until HOKIE FOOTBALL!!!!!!!), some respite from the gawd-awful heat of summer, Autumn and leaves changing,  and for some it means heading back to college. For Miss Sassy Pants, the only perks are the college football, and this season will even be a minimal perk since I will pretty much be going to zero games. Could not be more depressed about this, but I am wearing big girl panties and dealing with it. 9am kickoff can be awesome I am sure, and there are over 2,000 alumni in the SF area. Hokies Holler! ANYWHO.

Back to the point. College. College is so fun, and I totally miss it, possibly more than I did at this time last year since I was newly appreciating my paycheck from my gainful employer. This year however, the paycheck (while still nice) is less of a new commodity and does not combat my yearning to be back at Virginia Tech as much as it did previously. Blacksburg is probably the greatest place in the entire universe, and I do miss it dearly. Classes not so much, as we all know I was a less-than-stellar student (got me a job anywayz though obvs). My yearning and sadness to be back in this wonderful place is made worse by everyone constantly publishing statuses on numerous social networking sites with things such as “OMG SO EXCITED TO BE IN BLACKSBURG!!!!” and “Headed to TOTS, gosh I’ve missed this place!!!” and even “Already had my first quiz…first week of classes UGH!” These status updates make me want to do the following, respectively: cry, cry harder / drink a blue motorcycle, and slap that person in the face. Of course you will have quizzes dumbo, it’s college. I kind of miss quizzes when I am feeling nostalgic for those times of yore when I would go to class all unprepared-like, and still get A’s (LOL/JK).

The other thing that is so awesome about people going back to college are all the stinking invites! College is full of so much more than academics and going to class. Probably more so than any other place or time in life, college is filled with organized events. Someone’s having a birthday party, or a welcome-back-to-campus party, or a holy-crap-we’re-seniors party, or a I-lost-my-cellphone-last-night-in-TOTS-bathroom-so-I-need-your-number party. And of course every single organization ever created needs money and wants you to buy their cookies, t-shirts, topless carwash, or do a dance-a-thon or some such nonsense. Seriously, lets party for any reason (awesome), raise money for something random (we’re all broke), make it a FB event (obvs), and invite every person we’re friends with. Yes all 1,000 people. I am so over this for the following reasons:

  1. I have graduated. Therefore I am not able to attend your awesome so-excited-to-be-a-Hokie party.
  2. I have graduated and moved away from Blacksburg. Far away. Therefore I am unable to attend your fraternity’s rush party, though it sounds super cool and fun. BYOB ya’ll. Maybe you could bring the party to me out west next time? Might need to check that keg though, not sure they allow that as a carry-on item.
  3. I didn’t even go to your school. Therefore I do not want to attend a fundraiser pancake breakfast at JMU. Or go to your grad-school get-to-know-you picnic at the University of Never Heard of It. Super fun. Stop inviting every single person you’ve ever met. SO not necessary. It takes an extra 60 to 120 seconds (that’s 1 to 2 minutes for you business majors) to uncheck certain names from the invite list. Not a lot of wasted time for a whole bunch of people you won’t be bothering. Win-win.

I am sure I could go on, so instead I will stop and put out this general call to every single person who has ever used FB for event planning: PLEASE be a little more particular when inviting people to your events. Because even if I RSVP no-effing-way will I attend your event, I still get the 900 messages you send to all invitees after the fact. My phone chimes with the special little FB noise, I get all excited thinking someone sent something special to me only to realize I got yet another message from you and your stupid “VIP” party.  Who decided you were VIP anyway…that’s not the kind of thing that should be self-appointed. And speaking of 900 messages, it is definitely not necessary for you to send an event reminder daily for 3 weeks prior to your event. I got the invite. I remember. Maybe send one or two a couple days before. GEEZ. US. Can I get a virtual hallelujah.

That’s my soap box. Having said all of this, I will probably un-friend a record number of people this year JUST because you send too many messages to invitees. Even my best friends. Trust. Also trust that MSP loves being invited to stuff! There’s a huge difference though. Invite me specifically. It’s like that friend that always group texts and tries to make it feel personal. No one likes those texts because everyone knows it wasn’t special for them. And basically everyone just wants to feel special. So make me feel special by excluding me from your next fraternity party or band car wash. My lower annoyance level thanks you.