Tag Archives: gym

Miss Sassy’s Shoe Selection #..who knows

So it appears that I sort of abandoned this shoe love part of my blog, but have no fear! It’s back. I know all the boys were upset and wanting to see which pair of shoes I would purchase and chat up next so now you can put your minds at ease, because I have some goodies for you today.

Remember back in the day when I was touting the awesomeness of endless.com and their amazing FREE overnight shipping deal? Well I still think endless is the best place to find some sassy style for your tootsies, however this time, I failed to find something there which was reasonably priced to justify the awesomeness of the free overnight shipping fun. Enter my 2nd place shoe selling lover, DSW. Anyone who has not been to a DSW is seriously deranged (other than Poppa Pants, he’s a special case). Anywhooosies, last week I ventured with Roomz to DSW for a little post-stressful-workday shoe shopping, having identified a few looks that I was lacking for the spring and summer seasons. Also according to my trainer, my gym shoes “suck ass” so I was also aiming to remedy this catastrophe.

The store nearest my home was somewhat lacking in what I was looking for as far as spring and summer fun-ness, however I did score a pair of fab looking New Balance gym shoes in yellow for 50% off. I am nothing if not a bargain hunter people.  As for the spring and summer fun-ness, http://www.dsw.com did not let me down AND afforded me the benefit of applying two discounts: 15% off and free shipping. Woowoo! Who doesn’t love entering those awesome discount codes at checkout? I always love how they come up with the weirdest letter combinations. They should take a lesson from Victoria’s Secret who has the greatest discount codes with things like BRA15 and FREEPANTY.  Raise your hand if you love typing FREEPANTY. [Side note: I feel they should always give lady undies away for free, it’s got to cost like 15 cents to make that ish anyway…charging $20 is just not right for .01 yards of fabric. For realz.] Digression. On to the goods!

I now present you with my victories: Naughty Monkey Parade Platform in black (I got the last pair on sale from DSW so it’s no longer available for viewing from there). And Seychelles Hulabaloo Wedge aka in yellow. I am now anxiously awaiting my lovers’ arrival at my door so that I may grace my feet with their presence. The New Balance were super discounted and therefore not pictured. Catch me at my local Gold’s Gym with my fresh non-white sneaks.

BONUS! A couple months ago I caved to the spring trend and purchased a pair of adorable spring boots in tan. If I have not previously mentioned it, this is by far my favorite look for spring. Pair them with a flowery sundress (or every sundress you own like I have done) and don’t resist buying a cowboy hat from the random street vendor to go with the look. They are versatile, hide my at times un-pedicured tootsies, and also keep my feet warm in the office. Sandals add mucho cuteness to boring work outfits but you know I be wishing I had me some slippers whilst sitting in an ice box of an office. Trust.

Is there a lesson from this shoe selection? Of course! To your own style be true, but do not be trife. Wearing these to the office is not acceptable (and in my view not acceptable any time since they’re pretty darn ugly) but rocking some cute wedges with those boring dry-clean-only dress pants is perfectly acceptable.  And whatever you do, please do not hobble and trip your way around the office in your new kicks. Heels are sassy and sexy (and work-place appropriate!) but only if you can walk in them like a lady. Miss Sassy recommends practicing at home before venturing outside to flaunt your fabulousness.

Don’t Stop Believing that it’s Any Way You Want It and Remember Me to Be Good to Yourself

I know I go on and on all the time about boys, the gym, men, and trifeness involving boys and men at the gym, and today will be no different. You’ve read enough of this drivel to know boys/men/gym consume my life when I am not eating or sleeping or working 60-70 hour weeks. Which actually leaves very little time to think about boys/men or go to the gym but somehow I manage. Oprah calls it multi-tasking. For example: I am watching Iron Man while I write this. I am that talented that I can spew out this here entertainment WHILE entertaining myself separately. I mean, ya’ll, this is MSP.

But back to the boys and men. So tonight I was hanging out with Journey while doing my [awesomely intense] workout. Here’s a little revelation I had today: it is hard to pick up a dude or get picked up at the gym while working out. That is unless you are super duper forward and walking right up to dudes. So save walking right up to some dude while he’s getting gorilla’d, and as long as he’s not interrupting me on the butt-buster (yes girl, give it a try), it is hard to pick up a dude or get picked up. And I know this because maybe you don’t recall but I have a bit of a staring issue (it’s not a problem, I don’t need therapy), and I will, without reservation, take a good long look even if I’m caught. Girl Can’t Help It. But it seems to be difficult for any guy, boy or man (unless he’s 45+, apparently that’s the golden age that staring back and wiggling eyebrows is ok. Only the Young please.) to respond in any way. Since I started going to the glorious gym with glorious looking dudes (mostly…see previous entry regarding those tricky 50-yarders) I have smiled plenty of times and gotten minimal response. Maybe it’s me. You know, that whole, he’s just not that into you thing. Typical. I’ll Be Alright Without You. But ya’ll. Don’t Stop Believing! Because today, it was the cutest smile I’ve seen in a while. And no, he didn’t ask me out or make any kind of gym small talk, but he smiled back and said hi. Now I ask you, is it really that difficult? No, I’m not looking for my future husband every time I walk in that door (or any other door), and I know we’ll probably go our Separate Ways, but it is nice to at least see some civility. So hey guys, boys and men, say hi to that small frizzy haired girl next time you see her. She’s nice, and she’s just trying to be friendly. Don’t be intimidated by the leg lifts, promise she’s not stronger than you. Plus you’ve got a nice tush, and like I said earlier, Girl Can’t Help It.  And lastly, pat yourself on the back if you made all those Journey connections. Ya’ll Journey is the best to workout too. Just don’t sing too loud, that draws the wrong kind of stares. But hey, Be Good to Yourself.

Moving on to another topic that has just occurred to me. [Side note: Robert Downey Jr. is pretty hot for an old dude. Yeah I’m still watching. Future husband, if you’re reading this, I wouldn’t mind if you looked like him, in any way, when you get to be that old..] Last week, I heard the phrase “Don’t be a stranger,” at least 5 times. It was said to me three times, I saw it on TV once, and I overheard someone saying it at work. Here’s my question: wtf does that statement even mean? I suppose it depends on the circumstances. So here’s the circumstances. You’re a guy (shocking, more boys), we’re chatting, and as a departing greeting you say “don’t be a stranger, Miss Sassy.” To which I reply………what exactly is an appropriate response to that? I really can’t even think of anything. I mean even the sassiest comment I can think of just doesn’t seem to cut it. So hey dudes: please don’t use the phrase “don’t be a stranger.” Because if you want me to stay in touch with you, or be extra friendly, or call you, or write on your facebook wall or some jank, then come out and say it. Do not expect me to take “don’t be a stranger” as an invitation to initiate anything other than friendship with you. End of the day, I’m still the girl, you’re still the dude and last time I read up on anatomy, you’re the one with balls.

And that’s the sass lesson of the day folks. Smile at those pretty (and non-pretty) girls at the gym, and a simple “see you later” will always do. Keep it real ya’ll.

The 50-yarder gets me every time!

You know when you’re out somewhere, maybe doing something innocent like shopping, and you’re looking around and suddenly you spot a good looking somebody. You are standing just far enough away that you can take a good long look and not get caught. Nice bod, good looking hair, and it’s just far enough away that you’re guessing on facial features but with the lighting and shadows, it looks just right. Now, who really picks up a chick or a dude while shopping…no one. But let’s say you’re in a bar, and add beer to the equation. NOW that person across the bar is smokin’ hot and you can’t take your eyes away. You’re telling all your buddies…”OMG Stacy look at that guy down there! I SO want him, he is the picture of perfection!” [No, I have never used any of those words whilst at a bar, nice try] Or, “Dude, chick is bangin. Check it.” Yeah, clearly I’m not a dude so I have no idea how it really goes. Maybe it’s more like “Yeah, I’d hit that,” which makes what’s about to happen even worse because now what you’re about to hit explodes into ugliness! Because here he/she comes, walking you’re way, maybe being coy and heading for the bathroom or doing a frat lap or something around the bar (in real life, seems like there’s no frat lap anymore which is a shame because I always liked that part of being at TOTS) and he get’s closer…and closer…and BAM. The ugly slaps you in the face! Shit! How did that happen? And now, Stacy and whatever dude you shared your find with is laughing hysterically at you as you both watch in astonishment at how ugly this person is in actuality and up close. I know what you’re thinking now…surely this has never happened to you Miss Sassy Pants! Your radar is so good! False.

Anecdotal proof: Rewind a 5 years. I’ve just graduated from high school and am at the beach with some girl friends for “beach week.” Holler to underage drinking. JK we didn’t drink obvs! So I have this friend, she’s a little hard of hearing and so when we’re sitting on the beach checking out dudes (what else is there to do?) we obviously can’t yell or talk loudly depending on how close they are, so we come up with a code word: Grapefruit. Don’t ask, just go with it. So when you see something worth looking at, as a courtesy to the other ladies, you announce his presence by yelling: “Grapefruit!!” And then indicate his position using the clock system (a tale as old as time…pun intended). So one day I see “red shorts guy” as he was dubbed. He’s about 50 yards away or more, but he looks pretty solidly built, super tan, brown hair with sandy sun-highlighted hair blowing in the wind. Baywatch lifeguard material from afar. So the alert goes out: “Grapefruit! 10:30!” So we’re watching, and he gets a little closer and a little closer still…and he’s not even that close to us, still about 25 yards away when it becomes painfully clear that he is at the very least over 50. Yes. 50-yard extreme foul on my part. Thus, MSP’s grapefruit alerting privileges were revoked and it took a couple years for that joke to go away.  No doubt by resurrecting it here I will catch more flack for it. So I like older dudes, whatev…JK again…I might like my men a bit older but 50+ is so not my scene, unless you own a yacht, then we’ll chat. Digression.

This 50-yard catastrophe continues. Last week I was out with some coworkers again, and there were these two pretty ladies sitting a good distance away. I pointed them out because obviously I have good taste in cougars, but was politely corrected that they were indeed 50-yarders. Upon further examination I accepted the correction as fact and we moved on, a little disappointed. The gym also causes me to be victim to the 50-yarder. Of course there can’t possibly be 50 yards in between me and every dude in a muscle T but the sweat in my eyes (and the sheer determination to get jacked) clouds my vision and so pretty much everyone there except the grandpas looks like a hottie. Tonight at the gym I was sorely disappointed numerous times. As in at least 15 times in a row they’d walk by or I’d walk by and get a closer look (no not on purpose, you judgers) and instantly avert my eyes. It is sad! It is also awkward when Judgement Face comes out of nowhere and they see it when you walk by. Remember when I said the JF cannot be stopped? Still true.

The lesson to be learned here folks is simple. 9 times out of 10, you will not find your happily ever after at a bar. So when you see that cougar or cute boy across the bar, let them stay there. When you walk by the bench press or pull up bar, take in the sights with your peripheral vision, because I’m telling you it looks better from there. Once you focus, the fantasy is shattered an all you’ve got to think about while you’re doing crunches is ugly. And ugly is not nearly as motivating as smokin’ hot, even if it’s an illusion.

Found: Motivation and Dudes

I have joined a real grown-up person gym. I paid an enrollment fee (discounted! obvs, Miss Sassy always finding deals) and have set up an automatic drafting of my bank account to pay for such services as ellipticals, treadmills, pilates class, ab machines, step class, and even zumba! I’m skeptical on that last one…we’ll see.

So last week my work pal / new gym pal and I braved the after work crowd and went to exercise.  It was epic.  We chose two empty treadmills and decided to give it our all.  I’m on my bright yellow running machine (very uplifting and happy color for a treadmill, no?) and chugging away.  My only goals were to 1) not trip and fall off, 2) run for as long as possible, 3) hopefully make it at least 10 minutes. Did I mention I’m way out of shape? Anywho so I’m running, jamming out to some Journey and I look up from the calorie counter and discover…this gym is full of men. And let me share something about men in a gym: they are all jacked.  Anyone who knows Miss Sassy knows she really appreciates this!  And boy, I’m appreciatin! Pun intended.  There are a few yuckies here and there but it’s easy to avert the eyes to the next “get-jacked” machine and find something nice to watch. Also I suppose it is of note that I’m not focusing on facial features…I know, I’m a total creeper. Well whatever, because next time I look down at the time it’s already been 14 minutes! 14 minutes of solid 7.5 mph jogging. Go Miss Sassy Pants! Better than watching the fat politicians on Fox News or CNN, which were my other options. Gross.  Tangent: I don’t understand putting news on TVs at the gym…I cannot hear their dribbling over the sound of my intense workout! Not to mention the 300 other people up in here making all kinds of clanging with the weights and stomping with their tootsies. Put up some music vids or something stimulating.  Anywho.  I ignore Hannity and Larry King (ick) and focus on the other shows going on…off the plasma screens.

Following our treadmill adventure, work pal and I ventured into the Mind & Body studio to mess with our minds and bodies…aka take a pilates class.  Yeah we’re diving into this working out thing head first.  Our instructor had to be the most ridiculously peppy girl I have ever seen (not counting the chicks in High School Musical) and possibly too flexible. Girl was all about the intense exhales (you know, the kind that made her spit…awkwardly making me giggle mid-rep) and showing off the advanced moves. Pa-leease, I can use that ring too biatch. So me and work pal give it all we’ve got and we own that Pilates class. When the torture is over an hour later, I can already feel my body rebelling against the hard work I put in over the last hour and a half.  As we hobble back to the locker room (passing more ridiculously good-looking men as we go) I discover that the motivation to workout which I had misplaced a while ago has returned to me.  I found it underneath the well-worn (and slightly smelly) pilates mat that I missed so much.  And remember when I posted a little while ago wondering where all the men in this darn city were? Well I found them.  They’re all at the gym showing off for each other comparing biceps and badass ripped man-tanks.  No I do not want to pick up a gorilla for my life mate, but there is no law against observing them in their natural habitat.  So I like biceps, sue me.  And just to be clear, my motivation to get in shape and go to the gym has nothing to do with my man-discovery.  Stop judging.  Ok maybe it has a tiny influence. But it is a happy coincidence, and will make grueling workouts much more bearable. And the pleasant view makes my post-workout intense soreness / stiffness / general inability to move normally totally worth it.

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s sassy to be in shape? I can’t imagine it would be very sassy of Miss Sassy if she couldn’t fit into her pants!

PS Part 1 of Miss Sassy’s makeover: gym membership, check. Stay tuned for part 2 – I become a red-haired lady on Thursday…enjoy the suspense.