Lately I have been in a writing drought and unable to come up with a truly good sassy post, OR I’ve been super busy lounging around for the holidays. Not sure. But not to worry. Supposedly Stella eventually got her groove back, so I guess there’s hope for Miss Sassy’s inspiration. I’ll be going out this weekend so maybe something hilarious will happen. In the mean time, here are some random thoughts and sassy gripings for today, all completely unrelated, random, and unresearched.
I find these email blurbs annoying: “Please consider the baby oak trees in your back yard before printing this email.” “Don’t print this email unless you REALLY have to.” For all those people that find it necessary to print every email they receive, does this sentence typed in environmentally green font with a tiny picture of a pretty green tree really change anyone’s mind? Hm.
Copenhagen: Why are all the world leaders expelling excess carbon to get together and decide nothing? Anyone else puzzled by the point of it all? Is .02 degrees Celsius really worth millions more people dying of AIDS? I’m not a scientist, but my rational mind tells me it’s a little silly. Just saying.
Update to all drivers everywhere: turning lanes are for decelerating before a turn. Shocking news, I know! You do not need to slow down in the regular lane and then decide at the last minute you’d actually like to use the turning lane. It’s annoying and hazardous to other drivers, not to mention completely stupid. When the dotted line appears, that’s your cue! USE THE LANE, that’s what it’s there for. Also I know you’re special, but your car does in fact have a turn signal. USE it. Love, the front end of my vehicle which does not want to touch your tail-lights. Gross.
Media: stop talking about Tiger Woods and where Elin is vacationing with her kids now that she is traveling sans cheating millionaire hotty athlete hubby. No one cares.
College football: America LOVES you. So much that ESPN has shown the same clips of Alabama and Texas 2 billion times to see how accurately they can speculate which team will win. Pretty sure Gold’s Gym is closing on Thursday due to lack of people showing up to work out. I know I will be forgoing Xtreme Abs that evening to watch some hunky dudes plow into each other chasing pigskin around. Yummy. Instead my abs will be enjoying some brews!
Dudes at the gym: yes I am doing squats, and yes you will have to wait your turn. Take your roid rage and testosterone filled biceps to the other bar and stop glowering at me. I finally overcame my fear of being in the weight room and you’re ruining it for me. But gosh you’re cute. And yes I will watch you walk away in the mirror, shamelessly.
Smokers: stop complaining about how cold it is outside and feels like Siberia. You have never even been to Siberia. And if you didn’t smoke a pack a day you wouldn’t have to go outside as often. Thus less complaining and more warmness for you. Also – bonus! – less risk of getting cancer or emphysema and dying. Cool, right?!
Email signage: I love how the new popular signature sign-off is “regards”. “Warm regards,” or “Sincere regards,” or “happy regards”. It’s one of those words if you say it enough times it sounds really funny. No really, say it out loud like 5 times. Funny.
I think that’s all for today. Stay sassy kids, and remember: smoking is bad for you, Texas v. Alabama tomorrow, I will print your email whenever I darn well please, AIDS epidemic is worse than global warming, and dear Baby Jesus use the turn lanes! Warmest regards to everyone.