Tag Archives: Fashion

Left my parka in Virginia. Which is bad since it’s FREEZING COLD here.

Oh, the land of fruits and nuts. The People’s Republic of California. It is a large state, and spans pretty much the entirety of the west coast from north to south, which you’d know unless you skipped all of elementary school. I said pretty much. So apparently when people talk about “sunny California” they actually only mean LA and/or San Diego, since San Francisco at this time of year is really more like the fictional vampire-ridden town of Forks, only with high-rises and turrible traffic.

In fact, and apparently everyone knew this except for me, it is freezing cold and foggy in San Francisco pretty much all the time. If I had a dime for every time someone told me the little anecdote about Mark Twain saying, “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco,” I’d be able to reimburse myself for my plane ticket out here, my Hertz rental car, and the security deposit on my new fancy schmancy apartment. Seriously. And it hasn’t even been 2 weeks. Luckily for me, I had the foresight to look up regional weather patterns prior to making the trek out here so I had a couple (couple = 2) cardigans and a cute spring jacket with 3/4 length sleeves with me! Which of course all turned out to be NOT ENOUGH coverage even when worn all at the same time.

But enough complaining, because honestly I don’t even live in true San Francisco so the frigid summer temperatures don’t affect me all that much. But still. Picture my surprise/goosebumps when Roomz and I first hit fresh air off the airplane only to discover that we were both mistakenly dressed for Hawaii. Brnt. Shivering on my part began .5 seconds later. Luckily as I said, we ended up choosing to live in the east-most area that is still considered East Bay, and thanks to a little baby mountain range we are protected from the bizarre fog that literally rolls in with zero notice and takes the temps down 20 degrees in .5 seconds. It’s nice, but also sort of weird since when we leave for work in the morning, it’s hovering around 50. By lunch, I’m still needing a cardigan, but when we leave for the day in the evening, it’s hovering around 90. Weird! Hard to complain since typically I’d be drenched in sweat walking to my car in the gloriously hot and humid Richmond summers. I miss them, but not that much.

I’m adjusting well though, since the other great thing about this cute little town we picked is that it has a famous shopping district! [Poppa Pants, no need to read further.] That’s right folks, the downtown area, complete with wine bars, 20 Chinese and Thai restaurants, a couple diners, and the best mall in the world is just a short trolley ride away! Imagine my joy when I discovered that not only do we live SO close to this mecca, but I can ride a trolley to get there. Ok fine it’s just a bus that looks like a trolley, but whatevs. And BONUS, the trolley is free. You know, Miss Sassy always pinching pennies where she can. So to combat not having appropriate clothing, I of course have hit up sales looking to Californiarize my work wardrobe. It has worked gloriously thus far (on a budget, obvs) and I am thoroughly pleased. Also I never understood boots in the summer (what is the point of a “summer bootie” when I want to wear as little as possible…) and was clearly full of judgement for ladies wearing suede boots in August, but since all weather in the summer is not 100+ degrees with 100 billion percent humidity, I get it now! And will soon be adding these to my collection (I know, they’re so cute right!). Stoked. Little East Coast girl, learning some fashion/life lessons. How quaint.

And look at me keeping to my posting schedule. Happy Monday, ya’ll!

Miss Sassy’s Shoe Selection #..who knows

So it appears that I sort of abandoned this shoe love part of my blog, but have no fear! It’s back. I know all the boys were upset and wanting to see which pair of shoes I would purchase and chat up next so now you can put your minds at ease, because I have some goodies for you today.

Remember back in the day when I was touting the awesomeness of endless.com and their amazing FREE overnight shipping deal? Well I still think endless is the best place to find some sassy style for your tootsies, however this time, I failed to find something there which was reasonably priced to justify the awesomeness of the free overnight shipping fun. Enter my 2nd place shoe selling lover, DSW. Anyone who has not been to a DSW is seriously deranged (other than Poppa Pants, he’s a special case). Anywhooosies, last week I ventured with Roomz to DSW for a little post-stressful-workday shoe shopping, having identified a few looks that I was lacking for the spring and summer seasons. Also according to my trainer, my gym shoes “suck ass” so I was also aiming to remedy this catastrophe.

The store nearest my home was somewhat lacking in what I was looking for as far as spring and summer fun-ness, however I did score a pair of fab looking New Balance gym shoes in yellow for 50% off. I am nothing if not a bargain hunter people.  As for the spring and summer fun-ness, http://www.dsw.com did not let me down AND afforded me the benefit of applying two discounts: 15% off and free shipping. Woowoo! Who doesn’t love entering those awesome discount codes at checkout? I always love how they come up with the weirdest letter combinations. They should take a lesson from Victoria’s Secret who has the greatest discount codes with things like BRA15 and FREEPANTY.  Raise your hand if you love typing FREEPANTY. [Side note: I feel they should always give lady undies away for free, it’s got to cost like 15 cents to make that ish anyway…charging $20 is just not right for .01 yards of fabric. For realz.] Digression. On to the goods!

I now present you with my victories: Naughty Monkey Parade Platform in black (I got the last pair on sale from DSW so it’s no longer available for viewing from there). And Seychelles Hulabaloo Wedge aka in yellow. I am now anxiously awaiting my lovers’ arrival at my door so that I may grace my feet with their presence. The New Balance were super discounted and therefore not pictured. Catch me at my local Gold’s Gym with my fresh non-white sneaks.

BONUS! A couple months ago I caved to the spring trend and purchased a pair of adorable spring boots in tan. If I have not previously mentioned it, this is by far my favorite look for spring. Pair them with a flowery sundress (or every sundress you own like I have done) and don’t resist buying a cowboy hat from the random street vendor to go with the look. They are versatile, hide my at times un-pedicured tootsies, and also keep my feet warm in the office. Sandals add mucho cuteness to boring work outfits but you know I be wishing I had me some slippers whilst sitting in an ice box of an office. Trust.

Is there a lesson from this shoe selection? Of course! To your own style be true, but do not be trife. Wearing these to the office is not acceptable (and in my view not acceptable any time since they’re pretty darn ugly) but rocking some cute wedges with those boring dry-clean-only dress pants is perfectly acceptable.  And whatever you do, please do not hobble and trip your way around the office in your new kicks. Heels are sassy and sexy (and work-place appropriate!) but only if you can walk in them like a lady. Miss Sassy recommends practicing at home before venturing outside to flaunt your fabulousness.

Orange and pink hair is not professional. Thanks though.

As some of you may or may not know, last week I had my hair colored and highlighted for the very first time! Yay! I am now among the masses of women who put harmful chemicals and animal doodoo in their hair to look different. Except I went to a place that only uses organic hair jiz so good for me, being so sustainable.  Here’s the story.

Lately I’ve been bored with my hair, love it as I might, and wanted something new. I contemplated cutting it super short, but was deterred by that idea since a) I tried it once and it was a disaster, b) some other reasons but all I remember is the disaster. So then I thought, fine, trim up the layers, boring.  Then I was inspired to color it and get highlights. Different? Yes! So I go for my free consultation, thumb through some fashion mags and point out some color that I like and we decide to go for a deep mahogany with some reddish tints. I tell the lady I want it to be subtle but noticeable, there but not streaky, and as natural looking as possible. I mean I work in a professional office, right? I don’t want to leave there looking like my next stop will be to have my lip and eyebrow pierced, pick up some black lipstick, then on to the tattoo parlor where I’ll get myself a nice sleeve of classy tattoos. [Ahem: no offense to anyone with lip/eyebrow piercings or tattoos rocking black lipstick…it’s just if you know me, you know it’s not for me. We’re all God’s children. And I guarantee that you with the piercings and intense lip color do not work in a professional IT office.] Anywho. So I anxiously await appointment the following week, get myself up extra early and arrive semi-promptly for my 7:45am appointment for cut, color, and foils, as it’s apparently called. 2 hours go by and I’ve been trimmed, reshaped, and painted all over with slimy gook all over my head. I’m excited and can’t wait to see the new, edgier me! Finally, we wash and dry my hair and it is fantastic. I think. Each time I look in the mirror I am more and more unsure that I like it. But I am now very late for work and would really just like to leave, so I shrug it off thinking it’s just me and it’s just new and whatever I’ll get used to it. Right.

So my first hint that it’s not good is when my boss comes over later that day and says: “Miss Sassy Pants! [no he didn’t call me that, silly] You really do love Virginia Tech don’t you!” I’m wearing a cream sweater and brown dress pants, nothing with VT gear or colors on it. I smile hesitantly, knowing something else is coming and ask him what he’s referring to. He smiles big, like he’s giving me a big compliment and is so proud of himself for noticing, “Your hair! It’s perfect VT colors, isn’t it?!” Um. I close my eyes for a brief moment, thinking maybe when I open them he will have disappeared. Yes, I love my school. Virginia Tech for Life, people. But no, I do not have, nor do I want maroon and orange in my hair. I smile painfully and nod and he chuckles and finally walks away, after telling me some horrendous story about his wife coloring her hair which I am sure she would not have wanted him telling anyone.  Men. Yeesh.

The next person I see who comments is one of the other dudes I work with. Quote: “Hey. You colored your hair.”  All geniuses, my coworkers. Realize this: I work with a bunch of dudes. Dudes are all over this floor and they dominate the building. Old ones, young ones, married ones, fat ones, skinny ones. All clueless. None of them are my bffs, none of them have been with me through other hair disasters, and none of them are qualified to give honest feedback. So I am clueless all day as to how it really looks.  Is it really terrible? Is it super edgy and I just can’t get used to seeing red/orange/pink tints in my hair when I walk past my reflection?  By the end of the day I am near panic with not knowing. I call home to Momma Sassy and warn her that the hair situation is questionable and she should prepare herself.  She hmph’d and 20 minutes later I walked in the door to her skeptical face. Which then turned into her “I’m-horrified-but-am-trying-to-look-semi-neutral-and-think-of-something-nice-to-say-while-still-conveying-my-dislike” face.  We then discussed my impending career change from IT professional to punk rock groupie. Apparently with my dark rimmed glasses, purple nail polish, and red/orange/pink streaked frizz ball hair I’d fit in, but would have to re-think my cable knit sweater and cuffed dress pants with Franco Sarto flats wardrobe.  So we fluff (quick curly hair fix: always fluff) and try to be optimistic and hide the pink/orange-y looking pieces but to no avail. I decide it must be fixed immediately.  Again, no offense meant towards anyone who has orange or pink or red or crazy highlighted hair. You probably pull it off somehow. You probably actually are edgy and into punk rock. But you also probably don’t work in a professional office full of baby boomers who only dye their hair to hide the gray.  They would judge me and think I’m totally weird and trashy. And not give me a raise.

So the next morning I give this special salon a pronto phone call and leave a stern but friendly voicemail for them, relaying my semi positive and mostly negative feelings toward my hair and ask them to call me back ASAP so I can try to schedule a fixer-upper. Who’s surprised that they never called me back? Anyone? No? I sort of was, since they’re in the service industry and I would have thought they’d have jumped at the chance to fix it in order to keep a new client. But no.  So the lady who cuts Ma’s hair schedules me for an early appointment this morning and guess what! It took her all of 20 minutes to tone down the brightness a couple notches and reduce the rainbow affect.

Bottom line in this annoying/expensive life lesson is this: never make changes to your hair without a trusted pal at your side. I could have really used some honest Foxy feedback or the bluntness of Miss Fancy Boots.  For realz, girl would have taken one look at me and said “No ma’am, change that right now!” You know? No sugar, just truth. We all have one of those. Unfortunately no one was there with me and I was freaking out and in desperate need of truth and sugar.  Having hair you are not proud of is not sassy, and I must admit for those couple of days before it was fixed, I was not lovin myself and it showed. I know some of you are scoffing at me, shaking your head, wondering how it is that hair could matter so much. Well it doesn’t really, but when you don’t feel good about yourself (for whatever pitiful reason) and can’t do anything to fix it immediately, then you don’t feel confident. Anywho, pity party is over, new hair is fab now, and Miss Sassy is back. BAM.

Miss Sassy’s Shoe Salon: #2

Hello dears. It’s been quite a while since Miss Sassy has shared some fab shoe finds with you so in the interest of catching up, I’ll share a whole store that I found: Endless.com.  This is the most amazing site I have ever found. Ever.  Not only do they truly have endless shoes to choose from (I mean really there’s like a billion shoes in each category for realz), they sell super small sizes for people like Momma Sassy who have tiny little footsies, they provide free OVERNIGHT shipping, AND free returns! Holy Moses!  [Side note: you must use Internet Explorer to view this site, it is funky with other browsers] Everyone knows that the worst part of buying online is a) shipping costs, b) waiting 9 years for your item to be shipped, and c) paying to ship it back if that jank don’t fit!  Problem solved my friends.

Today my fabulous place of employment is not occupying my time completely aka people don’t know how to reply to emails, and thus I am working on my Christmas wish list for good ol’ Santa.  This year it includes a fab new pair of boots (or possibly two depending on how good I’ve been).  I’ve provided some examples of greatness for your viewing pleasure, and also if you are in a giving mood and decide to purchase any for little me, please leave a comment indicating so.

I love all of these so much I just might get them all and see which fit the best. Free returns people, so why the heck not! Hit me back – what did you find? Check Miss Sassy’s Salon later to see what I picked!

1986 Called! Guess What?!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, 80s fashions are coming back! Miss Sassy Pants begs to differ.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a fashionista or up on the latest and greatest coming off the runways of Paris and NYC, nor do I attend or pay close attention to fashion week or expensive fashion designers new fall or spring labels! Bunch of BS if you ask me.  I digress.

I would simply like to address the shoulder pad in the work place.  I am not old enough to remember when they first came into fashion (see the date above, Momma Sassy knows what was happening then, and whatever it was, Miss Sassy Pants wasn’t around to witness it yet), but I am able (although not too willing) to look at pictures from that brilliant era in fashion. Who ever decided it was a good look to have massive manly square dike looking shoulders?? I’m really not sure.  But whoever it was, I am SURE they have seen the error of their ways with the passing of 2+ decades since this atrocity.

However, there is one woman with whom I have had minimal contact today (I will not say if she was or was not in my office as I would like to remain semi mysterious about this), and let me tell you.  This lady has NO idea what year it is.  I am going to temporarily hate on her outfit (see previous post about judgement before you scoff) to explain my discomfort with shoulder pads.  This woman is very shapely, hot legs, slim waste, healthy size bust (ok she had nice looking ta-tas, what am I supposed to say), and her makeup is always done just so. She is in general an attractive woman of probably early to mid 40s.  But damn.  Never have I seen her without a suit jacket with HUGE shoulder pads.  She could even be characterized as petite, and petite ladies do not do well with large shoulder pads.  Miss Sassy Pants would know.  I wouldn’t even be able to carry on a conversation without staring at her shoulder cleavage! Anyone remember that hilarious Tide To-Go commercial with the hilarious talking stain? Yes.

Now I will pause for a moment and share that Miss Sassy Pants has a suit jacket – quite a few in fact, being the working professional lady gal that I am – with shoulder pads! However, there is a line that needs to be drawn with shoulder pads.  I will admit that a suit jacket with shoulder pads can look nice – more professional even, when done right.  But not this. Or this.  Or this.  This last picture made my point for me.  I have seen many examples of nice looking shoulder enhancing shirts, jackets, and dresses.  However Miss Sassy Pants argues that upwards of 95% of all of these looks need to go, as Bon Qui Qui says.  These trends that “come back” always come back with a modern twist of some kind. Every decade has made a supposed come back, where we’ve seen things like bell bottom jeans (guilty – it was middle school people), popped collars (guilty again – early high school, so hard to be cool), leggings, jellies, jump-suits (I mean wtf), high-waisted pants and shorts (fine if you have a waist), etc. come back into fashion and thrown in our faces by Express, Gucci, Target, Limited Too, even Hot Topic, depending on what you like to brand yourself with.  [Aside: Miss Sassy Pants asserts that none of the fashions that Hot Topic has ever carried were ever “in” nor will they ever be, no matter how many times they are brought back.]  However. When it comes to enhancing your shoulder cleavage, as with enhancing boob cleavage, be conservative! Never have I heard or seen a man say “Dang that woman is hot – look at her square shoulders!” Athletic shoulders maybe.  Delicate, lady-like shoulders perhaps.  But ladies, let’s leave square and wide-shouldering to the men.  It’s a much better look on them, and they don’t need foam in their jackets to do it.

Miss Sassy’s Shoe Salon: #1

Say that 5 times really fast! So here at my place of gainful employment, I can proudly say that I have the sassiest shoes on this entire floor. Keep in mind, ladies and gents, that this complex has four different buildings, all of which have 5 or more floors of employees.  So by no means is this a feat of fashion.  But man when I’m walking to refill my water bottle in the kitchen, I sure feel good about my fashionable feet! Anywho, I think since I have a healthy passion and love for le scarpe, I would share some disparaging and elating shoe-buying experiences every now and then!

Sassy Shoe Selection number 1 (well really, Lord knows which number it is – have you seen my closet lately, but it’s the one I’m starting with, so it’s number 1) is a fantastic purchase from one of my favorite haunts: Bakers. I was doing the shop-therapy thing after an argument in le tele with one of my dear old man-friends.  Note: some of the best purchases are made while partaking in shop-therapy. Don’t knock it just because it’s tied to your emotions.  So I pass by the enticing window display of Bakers, and slow my pace as I always do.  I’m drawn in by a ridiculous pair of fancy shoes that I would have no occasion to wear, and happen to glance at the sale table in the corner while I’m at it.  Lo and behold there are the most beautiful purple pumps I’ve ever laid eyes on.  And as is usually the case, the display pair is my size (thank you Lord, I do love this about myself), and I slip them on.  Big mistake.  Or best moment ever, depending on how you look at it, since I promptly brought them to the cashier girl, explained to her probably too much detail about my sad man issues, and happily exit the store with this beautiful pair of shoes – man problems completely forgotten.  Yes ladies, it does work.  And no I do not care that the cashier girl probably thought I was nuts.

Bottom line: Bakers has never let me down! I rarely purchase shoes from them since historically they are a bit pricey or just not what I need.  However, if you are looking for good boots, fun flats, trendy gladiator sandles (if you’re into that…Miss Sassy feels these are weird looking and/or is bitter they make her look shorter), fancy DT (downtown) wear, pretty pumps, or wedding couture, Bakers has it! And they have a fab website.  Find the store nearest you!  And don’t forget, shoes do make or break the outfit.  Make sure you’re sending the right signals with your footwear…and obviously, keep it sassy.