Tag Archives: college football

Hokies. I love us.

As you know, I am currently swankin it up on the west coast. It is great. San Fran is an awesome city, and though I do not actually live in EssEff, I live close enough to do some cool stuff. Cool points for me. What is not cool however, is lack of freaking college football around these parts. Namely Virginia Tech football. I have been in desperate need of a heated argument with someone about whether ACC or SEC is better, or which TECH is better: VA or GA. We all know the answer to the latter, and we all know who’s in our hearts for the former, regardless of facts and stats which may or may not back us up. ANYWHO.

Recently, I was out at a local establishment with TVs and noticed something. Despite minimal numbers of people who care about college football, those that do care, STILL care more about east coast ball than west coast! Awesome! So I’m thinking I just need to look harder for people and places which support really good college football. Because seriously who cares about the PAC 10 or 12 or 14 or whatever it is now? Who? Crickets. No one cares. Biggest game around this bay is UC Berkeley vs. Stanford. Again, no one but alums of those schools care. And even the alums don’t really care because their schools are never ranked. So they get hyped for one game per season and the rest of the time only watch baseball post-season (which I’m SO into this year. Go Giants. Don’t tell Grandad.) and the 49ers (blah).

So to fill the void in my heart for college football and everything Virginia Tech, I’ve found some love in places other than bars and TV. I’m sharing because even you losers who actually get to attend games (is that bitter jealousy you sense? yes) should be hitting this stuff. It’s good. The first is the North End Zone. I don’t know any of these dudes who write this blog, but they are hilarious. I’m an avid fan now and I check it weekly to see predictions, game recaps, and in general awesomeness relating to good and terrible Hokie football.

Next. Two words. Kyle Tucker. I believe know I am late joining this bandwagon but this guy has got it going on. I follow him on twitter, I read his blog, I hang on his every comment about our team. I wish I could have the Virginia-Pilot delivered to my doorstep just to read his words of bliss. Be still my beating heart.

This next one is kind of mean but also hilarious: FBS. That’s right, the notion of firing our ill-favored head offensive coach Bryan Stinespring has its own website. This is glorious, and I will say I knew about this site back in the day but it had completely vacated my memory banks. Well, it’s back – in my memory that is, as it never actually went away. And it’s glorious. Because seriously, if the coach’s son can call plays better than the coach himself, why are we paying him? To not coach? I’m no expert, but even I can see that this is just silly.

Here’s something new. Alumni Associations. Virginia Tech has a ginormous alumni association. And there are chapters all over the world. If I move to Ireland for my next rotation, there will be a VT Alumni Chapter which I will join. If I moved to China or India or Bali or freaking anywhere on the entire planet, there would be a group of VT alumni in that area doing something together as Hokies on some kind of regular schedule. AWESOME. Here in the San Fran Bay area, there are over 2,000 [known] Hokies! And there’s a distro list! And they tailgate at bars! And they volunteer! Ut Prosim ya’ll. The guy who writes the regular weekly emails is hilarious and makes me laugh and love my school even more. He calls himself Hokie Hans. This is to you Hokie Hans: you are the man. Your emails are long, ridiculously enthusiastic, and wonderful. Keep being aweosme. Love, Hokie Sassy Pants.

And lastly, I must pay homage to mobile.ESPN.com. Thanks to AT&T’s [awesomely terrible] service on my iPhone, I can view games on the go like never before. For example, last weekend I went on an epic hike (epic = 11 miles = 4000 ft. = couldn’t walk the next day) at 7am. The hike was estimated to take about 5 or 6 hours give or take. 7am + 5 or 6 hours = I would miss the game, which started at 9am Pacific time. No fear. We hiked and got a little more than halfway up the mountain before kickoff. At promptly 10 minutes after 9am, I was hiking with phone in hand, watching live updates as they happen. Thank goodness cell towers sat atop this mountain, otherwise my tears would have accompanied me to the top instead of my cries of joy at each touchdown.

So thank you, all you people and Hokies, for making sure that I can still get my fill even while I am far away. This is probably the most successful long-distance relationship I will ever have. GO HOKIES!

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Report: Hokies Still Learning How to Play So-Called Game of “Football”

Reporting from everywhere, people everywhere are reporting the lack of “football” that was played by the Virginia Tech Hokies in yesterday’s season opener for the Hokies and non-rival / totally random opponent Boise State. Within 4 minutes of kickoff, Hokies everywhere curiously wondered why there were no actual “football players” playing real “football” during this game. By the end of the first quarter with this formerly great football team giving up two touchdowns and a field goal, many wondered if “football” still existed and if the so-called “football players” had actually been training for months leading up to this game with famed and beloved coach, Frank Beamer.

Additionally, there were sitings on the field of “excess ego” and “foolishness.” And while Boise State players seemed to actually be ready to play a game of football, Virginia Tech’s team seemed to be distracted by their own badass uniforms and supposed knowledge that they were already great and didn’t need to prove it by gaining yardage on the field in what is known as “first downs,” and eventually scoring points by achieving “touchdowns.”

Luckily, coaching greats Frank Beamer, Billy Hite, and Bud Foster whupped the boys into shape by deflating said “egos” and reminding them that to be great, a team must actually play real football. The Hokies, who have an extremely impressive and loyal fan-base even in the face of turrible football playing again and again, managed to find themselves remembering how to “play football” and came back for an impressive gain of score-age in the second quarter and second half of the game.

This abrupt turn-around in performance, which some fans called “showing up” and “not being little girls on the field,” was promising and warmed the hearts of Hokies across the globe, whether watching in the stadium, in bars, or on espn.com from their mom’s basement. “This is the Hokie football I remember from past great seasons,” one fan remarked. While another insisted still that despite the improvement in play, “[Offensive Coordinator Bryan] Stinespring still needs to go!”

Still, as fate would have it, the Hokies failed to keep the Broncos from scoring one last “touchdown” in the last 1.5 minutes of the game, proving two to three things yet again: 1) that the little mistakes [like missing a ridiculously short field goal of 34 yards for crying out loud] are the ones that catch up to you in the end and lose the game, 2) that 1 minute on the clock is enough time for anyone to score something but us, and 3) that Hokies everywhere still love watching our team “play football” no matter how turribly or heroically they play.  “We love you Tyrod!” shouted one enthusiastic graduate to the TV as the clock wound down the final seconds of despair. Other fans proclaimed love to Ryan Williams and many other players, proving that each fan has his or her own favorite no matter that player’s performance.  One fan, speaking on the condition of anonymity, informed that “we’ll always love them, no matter how [expletive] they play. Even if we lose every [expletive] game for the rest of this [expletive] season, we’ll love them and will keep coming back for more.” Other nearby fans  cheered in agreement, raising their cans of $1 PBR (a phenomenon found across North America)  in a toast to fantastically heartbreaking Hokie football.

For next week, fans everywhere are hopeful that our players will leave their egos and self-impressiveness in their lockers during the game, especially since the Hokies will be battling non-famous James Madison University, a team which they should be able to squash with minimal effort.