Tag Archives: boys

I’m dating, but I’m still single. Of course it makes sense.

Listen. So after last week’s post wherein I slyly revealed that I’m seeing someone (remember, Jim and Pam), I had a discussion with this young man with whom I am frequenting local food establishments and movie theaters (we also have dates at the mall…it’s like, so 9th grade). Apparently my definition of “single” and his definition of “single” are not really the same. So we had a chit chat about it, and I shockingly had to re-think if I was right about this one or not. That is not sarcasm. I am right about everything with very few people, one being this young man (eventually I’ll think of a cute nickname for him), so when hearing his point of view and listening to myself explain my own side, I realized, I might agree with him more than I agree with me. In other words, he might be right. Gasp! So here we are to evaluate. Feel free to commentate in the comments.

I must admit that it is a little weird being attached to someone specific after a significant period of time being without a “special” man in my life. When I moved back to Raleigh I was excited for this chapter. It would be filled with a job I liked, a wonderful roommate, and plenty of single young country boys. I’d never have admitted this, but I was thinking I’d find a special man within a year of moving here. We’d meet at a bar, or volunteering, or maybe at a young professionals meet-up, or if my mother had her way, at church (thereby checking off her single most important requirement that he be Catholic). He’d be super cute obviously, tall perhaps, of the dark and handsome variety since this seems to be the visual I gravitate towards. We’d go on some nice dates and eventually fall in love, and perhaps a year or less later we’d break up. Or maybe a couple / few years / however many years would go by and we’d become engaged and I’d plan a fantabulous wedding, and then we’d have some babies like good Catholics do and live happily ever after until we both die together like in The Notebook. Duh.

This little story has obviously not come to pass. After all, this is real life and I don’t live in a Rom-Com. Instead I found a cute boy/man at my office (and in my department no less…I mean). Pluses: he is a country boy, he is tall, he is cute (obviously…see numerous past entries about dating ugly men), and he has left tulips on my front porch. Hello, major points. Anyhoo. I don’t want to get into the gory details because they are too gory even for me and I live them. Suffice it to say, he’s great. Awesome. High five to me and to him for being great. But.

Here is where we originally disagreed. In my last post, I grouped myself with the “single girls” because I am not married or soon-to-be-married. I like him, but you guys, where’s the fire, right? And of course when comparing myself with two groups of gals, one group being engaged/married, and one group being single / casually dating / courting / whatever you want to call it, I would obviously fall into the second category. Which, for convenience and word-count sake I dubbed “being single.” Whatever. So then we went through this engineering type exercise and used nerd words like “boolean.” We both work in IT so some of our conversations are embarrassingly nerdy. I like it and then I roll my eyes and vom. Anyway.  It went like this: married = not single, so therefore not single = married. This is obviously false. We are not married. We are not engaged. We are not even talking about marriage except in abstract terms (you know, comments like “If we get married I will not clean up after you” or the like). But we are/I am not single either. I don’t go out without him and troll for dudes. He doesn’t go out with his boys and pick up chicks (ahem, he better not, trust).  Yes we both go out and sometimes even without each other (gasp, we are individuals!) but not trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. But we’re not committed to each other for the rest of our lives (yet? yikes). This doesn’t really make us available, but we’re not married. So we’re single? Eh, not really. But yeah, we are.

Um, ok. That’s kind of how the conversation went. I kept saying, “but we’re not married!” And he’d calmly and logically (ugh, logic) reply, “but you’re not trying to get with other guys, right?” To which I obviously reply, “um yeah, sorry to break it to you.” JK ya’ll. Of course I said no. I ain’t no cheater. But we were both honest at the end of the conversation and agreed, we’re not committed for life and therefore nothing is final. He may think I am the sweetest thing since French Toast, and I may be charmed by his country-boy accent and adorable dimple (ugh I am grossing myself out), but if one or both of us encounters someone else or discovers we’re just not that into each other, it will not take one year plus attorney fees to make that happen.

So in conclusion. I’m not single and neither is he. But I simply don’t think that being in a relationship or dating someone specific means you are completely and 100% taken forever. Yes, we will be exclusively “together” until such time as we aren’t. Or until we get married, at which point we will be exclusively together forever (optimism alert!). So maybe there should be three categories instead of just two:  married/engaged, dating, single. That’s fair.

It is so hard for me to say I’m wrong, so I’m not going to say it. It was simply a terminology disagreement and neither of us were right or wrong. But no, I’m not single. Fine.

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I’m about to be shallow, just let it happen

Last weekend I had an epically long convo with Miz Foxy-fox on my odyssey from DC back to Raleigh. [Side note: embarking on a 5 hour car drive on a Sunday night around 9pm after an entire weekend of little to no sleep is not wise.] We, shockingly, had a long discussion about boys. I know, it’s like, we just never talk about boys so I thought, like, it was about time.

She was telling me about her awesomely fun weekend during which she met a super cute boy. Only he was not really that cute, only sort of cute and he was also sort of chubby but not really fat but just not really the Fox’s taste. But his eyes, she assured me, his eyes were just really brown and great. Plus he’s hilarious and has a great personality and they really bonded. It’s just that he’s sort of chubby and she really isn’t attracted to him, but she insists that he’s still sort of cute but not really. So now of course she feels shallow. I laugh and remind her how many men I have snubbed and/or ignored and/or to whom I have confirmed “friend-zone only zone” in the past (not to make it sound like I get hit on 24/7, but you know). We remind each other of the phrase, “life’s too short to date ugly men,” and immediately feel better about ourselves.

But then we continue down this vein and really start to dissect what it means to be shallow and what, if anything, this shallowness indicates about us and our character as nice young ladies. I insist that a physical attraction is 100% necessary in order to have a legit, deep, successful, long-term, whatever relationship. When have you ever heard a groom-to-be say something like, “well I love my fiance because she’s just a great cook and she can crack a joke like no other, but she really doesn’t do it for me physically.” Um. If you have heard something like this, then that marriage is obviously doomed. I have always said, since always, that the man I end up with should and will think that I am the hottest piece of tush (I promised Ma I wouldn’t curse as much) on the planet. And I would also like to have a man whom I think is just mondo attractive. I will see other attractive men and think, eh, mine is better. And it will be because I am attracted to his physical handsomeness as well as his personality and all of that. Everyone knows a person’s personality makes them more attractive so I won’t remind us of this. But seriously. Even my mother still remarks about what a great tush my father has. I cover my ears and sing really loudly to avoid hearing things like this, but is it NOT the cutest thing ever that after however many numerous years of marriage, she still thinks he’s the bees knees. Presh!

So what does it mean when we meet someone and they are just PERFECT aside from the fact that maybe you think that really they’re just not that good looking. It’s not an objective evaluation, it’s your subjective opinion and you just can’t get past it. “It comes with time,” is one theory I’ve heard. To me this is sort of BS. I don’t want to be with someone who is, like, “working on” thinking that I’m attractive. I either do it for you or I don’t. Perhaps I become more attractive to you once you learn all of my quirks and things. But the initial attraction must already be present. “They can lose weight – it’s so superficial.” Sure. If you meet someone and you don’t like the way their body is shaped – too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat – there are things that can be done to combat this. IE wearing heels, or eating more, eating less, working out, whatever. But as my mother always says you can’t meet someone and then immediately resolve to “fix” them.

Maybe it means that we’re just very immature little girls. “I don’t want to be seen with you because you’re ugly” sure wreaks of a Mean Girls-esque attitude, which as everyone knows is SO junior year. Can we help this? Not really. This is what Le Fox and I ended up deciding and then immediately felt like 12-year-olds. Or at least I did. It sort of makes sense that it’s a sign of immaturity that I / we / any lady would prefer to not be with someone because he’s just not attractive. Again, it’s all subjective, and I can’t help what I like. So I think that makes me shallow, but not necessarily immature. But regardless, this super awesome guy that El Foxo met last weekend probably will eventually find a girl who thinks he is the most adorable thing since baby chicks. But it won’t be Foxy. And I saw his picture and I’ll admit, it won’t be me either.

So for realz. Life is too short to date ugly men, but the reality is, life is too short to date or waste time with someone to whom you are not attracted. If you have some other kind of awesome connection, that means you could be fantastic friends. I have at least a few close friends who are dudes who are perfectly attractive, handsome, or otherwise cutie-patooties, and at least 50% of them have insanely awesome six packs (high on my list of must-haves).  Yet I have never dated any of them. There are obviously other factors at play here, but the point is we all are not to each others’ taste and that’s alright. If I am unmarried in 20 years, I already have a contract with one said friend to be married. What a deal. In the mean time, I will stick to what I like and continue searching for my Vin Diesel. Jesse Eisenbergs need not apply.

Praise His Light, Country Boys!

It has been a hot sec since I talked about boys. I know! It’s like I don’t even care about boys anymore. LOL good one. This is obvs not true, but really I’ve just been busy being busy and have had no time to chat about trife boy stuff aside from my Valentine’s Day diatribe, which wasn’t so much about boys as it was about dating. Anyhoozies. I am bringing boys back to this blog, and much like how Justin brought sexy back, it’s kind of like they never left.

Did you know that Raleigh-Durham is the number 5 city / metropolitan area for young singles? I know, right! High five to me for picking this place to establish residency again. Raleigh is also ranked as the number 4 city for dating! Um, oh my gah! Am I in the right place or what! And guess who’s already had 2 dates after being here for less than 3 weeks? This girl. That’s right. Who’s shocked? No one. And you’re shocked even less now that you have this scientific information about Raleigh. If I can’t find a date in this place, then I’m just doomed and/or need a makeover and/or need a new personality. I mean really.

So after learning this fantabulous news, I immediately am happier to be in this city and be single. There’s a light at the end of the solo tunnel, at last. But then, is it really that terrible to be single? Is it really miserable and lonely? Is it so desperately depressing to be without a one and only? And the answer, ladies and gentlemans, is no. It’s actually quite liberating. It’s freeing. I have my own schedule. I do what I want when I want to do it. But then, it wouldn’t be so terrible to go on a couple dates. Maybe have some cutie patootie that calls every so often to catch a movie, be his date to a wedding, or go to a dinner party.

But in a world where people around me are dropping like flies to the institution we call “marriage,” and other less official institutions called “serious relationships,” being a single girl is really kind of a downer. Think about it. I can think of greater than 5 instances recently in which I have been not invited to something due to the fact that, well, who will she bring with her? I can also say that I am guilty of doing this to people. In fact recently I invited Ms. Foxy to a charity event because my family had an extra ticket and she was the only person I could think of that would be available to come by herself. “Go ahead and say it,” she told me, “I’m the only one you could find who’s single.” Guilty. But then, I only had a date because my friend’s parents were also attending. So really, is no date better than a pity date?

Other times it stinks to be single: New Year’s Eve. No one in their right mind likes to be dateless or single on NYE. It is the worst. This is possibly the one night of the year where ladies get all dressed up and pretty and everyone consumes copious amounts of alcohol whilst counting down the minutes to the one moment where you all shout, smile, and then kiss your boo. What does one do who is without a boo? Smile awkwardly and drown in champagne during the moment of relative silence that follows the “Happy New Year!” while everyone is sucking face. Oh and if you’re with friends, you get a cutesy kiss on the cheek and a hug. Fun. Tell me all single girls love this and I will tell you I just gave myself a buzz cut.

Additionally, though less comical than NYE, it stinks to be single at company holiday parties. Not only do they tend to be slightly awkward (at least until more alcohol is consumed to loosen everyone up), if you work in a corporate Amurica office like mine, everyone is married and brings their spousal unit. Leaving you to huddle with the other interns or weird 50+ -year-old bachelors. Good times. I’d rather bring my mother than go alone to these things.

Wedding season also sort of stinks for single people. I think this needs no further explanation.

Anyway. I successfully digressed from the point of this post, which is that I am in the perfect city for dating and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the dating record I’ve already started. Three cheers for me. Additionally I heard a rumor that not only is Raleigh a great city for young singles and dating, but there are more young men here than young women. Extra points. AND the young men are of the “country boy” variety who are college educated and enjoying the numerous cultural experiences to be had in Raleigh. More points. It is a little known fact (LOL little known fact indeed) that country boys are my favorite kind of boy. And to clarify, I use “boy” loosely, and really actually mean “man.” It’s implied. Three cheers again. Any sad single girls out there should get thee to Raleigh asap so you can party with me and we can get coupled up on the quick with a cultured, college educated, country MAN who loves his momma and thus will treat you like a queen. Trust.

Keep on keepin on, ladies. Don’t let wedding season get you down. Get some cute shoes and own the singleness, then pick your favorite gay friend and take him to all the weddings. Your friends will be jealous of your glamorous and carefree lifestyle, and soon they will be bogged down with gross things like mortgages while you will only be burdened with things like cab fares, which shoes to wear with that cute dress, and which hot hunk of man to commandeer for your next margarita. High five to you!

Flirting 101: Currently in Session

Let’s talk about flirting. Here’s a topic that pretty much everyone can relate too, whether you’re an 80-year-old woman flirting with the newspaper boy, or a 5th grader hitting the girl that sits next to you so she knows you have some special feelings, and everyone else in between. This is for you.

Somebody’s been flirting with me lately (I know, shocking! Usually I’m so sassy I scare them off, muahaha) and it’s been…I really can’t think of an adjective to describe it so read on.  It’s been a while since someone who is officially unattached to someone else has flirted with me (see past entry regarding lack of single people in this town) and I must admit, I’m out of practice. I know ya’ll feel me when I say it’s so much easier flirting when you know that other person isn’t available, right! It’s harmless (for the most part), there’s no pressure (again mostly), and you know you won’t have to actually follow through with any of it because it’s all in good fun! Unless he’s a skeez, in which case…well we make our own beds. Anywho, so it’s comical and here’s why. Firstly, my usual quick wit is failing me on the reg and it is so not cool. Negative cool points. I don’t know what is wrong with me! He makes some comment and I can’t figure out if I’m not paying attention or losing my hearing but I’m way off my game, all stuttering and making no sense and asking myself WHERE is Miss Sassy Pants when I need her!  So this makes it comical, as I seem to be routinely missing the mark or thinking of some cute response way too late.

My new strategy to combat my failures is to play the mystery card. It’s way fun because I can pretend I have something to say by putting on my mystery face and you know he’s all, “what the heck is she thinking!” And I can do something demure like shrug and smirk.  Ladies: try it sometime, it’s a joy, and also an exercise in acting. And dudes, update: just because we may look mysterious does not necessarily mean we are. It could mean that we are like me, with a head full of nothing to say, apparently. BUT you should be cautious as looking and acting mysterious could still indicate mysteriousness. Really it’s a toss-up, so good luck.  I’m here to tell you though: Miss Sassy Pants is out of shape. Good thing I’m going to the gym!

So now I’m left to wonder at the cause of my lack of game-ness so I can fix it. Usually, and this is no brag, I am quick with the snarky comments and witty banter. In fact I’d say most 99% of the time I have something sarcastic to say to pretty much everything I hear (and have only recently acquired a filter, might I add, having taken a job as a working professional). It’s a gift.  But really, the cause of my failures is unknown. If this were an episode of House, it would go unsolved, and the patient, i.e. me, would die. Hm.

But wait! I am Miss Sassy Pants! I don’t just need her around, I am her. I am sassy.  The definition of sassy is, “fresh, improperly forward or bold [haha], spirited, cheeky, saucy, vigorous, lively.”  While I’m not sure I am vigorous on a regular basis, these are important things for me to keep in mind as I am out and about scoping for the future father of my children and/or the man who will buy my next frozen marg, no salt thanks. The bottom line is this: don’t forget yourselves at home girls! Take all the sass with you where ever you go – when you are sweating like a pig at the gym, when you are out with all the gals, and even when you are buying Ho-Hos and Lucky Charms at the grocery store (guilty). You never know when Mr. Right [Now] will walk by and wink. Of course, as with most things, sass is best in moderation and works well when paired with excess class. As I always/lately say, it’s sassy to be classy!