Tag Archives: 80s

Don’t Stop Believing that it’s Any Way You Want It and Remember Me to Be Good to Yourself

I know I go on and on all the time about boys, the gym, men, and trifeness involving boys and men at the gym, and today will be no different. You’ve read enough of this drivel to know boys/men/gym consume my life when I am not eating or sleeping or working 60-70 hour weeks. Which actually leaves very little time to think about boys/men or go to the gym but somehow I manage. Oprah calls it multi-tasking. For example: I am watching Iron Man while I write this. I am that talented that I can spew out this here entertainment WHILE entertaining myself separately. I mean, ya’ll, this is MSP.

But back to the boys and men. So tonight I was hanging out with Journey while doing my [awesomely intense] workout. Here’s a little revelation I had today: it is hard to pick up a dude or get picked up at the gym while working out. That is unless you are super duper forward and walking right up to dudes. So save walking right up to some dude while he’s getting gorilla’d, and as long as he’s not interrupting me on the butt-buster (yes girl, give it a try), it is hard to pick up a dude or get picked up. And I know this because maybe you don’t recall but I have a bit of a staring issue (it’s not a problem, I don’t need therapy), and I will, without reservation, take a good long look even if I’m caught. Girl Can’t Help It. But it seems to be difficult for any guy, boy or man (unless he’s 45+, apparently that’s the golden age that staring back and wiggling eyebrows is ok. Only the Young please.) to respond in any way. Since I started going to the glorious gym with glorious looking dudes (mostly…see previous entry regarding those tricky 50-yarders) I have smiled plenty of times and gotten minimal response. Maybe it’s me. You know, that whole, he’s just not that into you thing. Typical. I’ll Be Alright Without You. But ya’ll. Don’t Stop Believing! Because today, it was the cutest smile I’ve seen in a while. And no, he didn’t ask me out or make any kind of gym small talk, but he smiled back and said hi. Now I ask you, is it really that difficult? No, I’m not looking for my future husband every time I walk in that door (or any other door), and I know we’ll probably go our Separate Ways, but it is nice to at least see some civility. So hey guys, boys and men, say hi to that small frizzy haired girl next time you see her. She’s nice, and she’s just trying to be friendly. Don’t be intimidated by the leg lifts, promise she’s not stronger than you. Plus you’ve got a nice tush, and like I said earlier, Girl Can’t Help It.  And lastly, pat yourself on the back if you made all those Journey connections. Ya’ll Journey is the best to workout too. Just don’t sing too loud, that draws the wrong kind of stares. But hey, Be Good to Yourself.

Moving on to another topic that has just occurred to me. [Side note: Robert Downey Jr. is pretty hot for an old dude. Yeah I’m still watching. Future husband, if you’re reading this, I wouldn’t mind if you looked like him, in any way, when you get to be that old..] Last week, I heard the phrase “Don’t be a stranger,” at least 5 times. It was said to me three times, I saw it on TV once, and I overheard someone saying it at work. Here’s my question: wtf does that statement even mean? I suppose it depends on the circumstances. So here’s the circumstances. You’re a guy (shocking, more boys), we’re chatting, and as a departing greeting you say “don’t be a stranger, Miss Sassy.” To which I reply………what exactly is an appropriate response to that? I really can’t even think of anything. I mean even the sassiest comment I can think of just doesn’t seem to cut it. So hey dudes: please don’t use the phrase “don’t be a stranger.” Because if you want me to stay in touch with you, or be extra friendly, or call you, or write on your facebook wall or some jank, then come out and say it. Do not expect me to take “don’t be a stranger” as an invitation to initiate anything other than friendship with you. End of the day, I’m still the girl, you’re still the dude and last time I read up on anatomy, you’re the one with balls.

And that’s the sass lesson of the day folks. Smile at those pretty (and non-pretty) girls at the gym, and a simple “see you later” will always do. Keep it real ya’ll.

1986 Called! Guess What?!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, 80s fashions are coming back! Miss Sassy Pants begs to differ.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a fashionista or up on the latest and greatest coming off the runways of Paris and NYC, nor do I attend or pay close attention to fashion week or expensive fashion designers new fall or spring labels! Bunch of BS if you ask me.  I digress.

I would simply like to address the shoulder pad in the work place.  I am not old enough to remember when they first came into fashion (see the date above, Momma Sassy knows what was happening then, and whatever it was, Miss Sassy Pants wasn’t around to witness it yet), but I am able (although not too willing) to look at pictures from that brilliant era in fashion. Who ever decided it was a good look to have massive manly square dike looking shoulders?? I’m really not sure.  But whoever it was, I am SURE they have seen the error of their ways with the passing of 2+ decades since this atrocity.

However, there is one woman with whom I have had minimal contact today (I will not say if she was or was not in my office as I would like to remain semi mysterious about this), and let me tell you.  This lady has NO idea what year it is.  I am going to temporarily hate on her outfit (see previous post about judgement before you scoff) to explain my discomfort with shoulder pads.  This woman is very shapely, hot legs, slim waste, healthy size bust (ok she had nice looking ta-tas, what am I supposed to say), and her makeup is always done just so. She is in general an attractive woman of probably early to mid 40s.  But damn.  Never have I seen her without a suit jacket with HUGE shoulder pads.  She could even be characterized as petite, and petite ladies do not do well with large shoulder pads.  Miss Sassy Pants would know.  I wouldn’t even be able to carry on a conversation without staring at her shoulder cleavage! Anyone remember that hilarious Tide To-Go commercial with the hilarious talking stain? Yes.

Now I will pause for a moment and share that Miss Sassy Pants has a suit jacket – quite a few in fact, being the working professional lady gal that I am – with shoulder pads! However, there is a line that needs to be drawn with shoulder pads.  I will admit that a suit jacket with shoulder pads can look nice – more professional even, when done right.  But not this. Or this.  Or this.  This last picture made my point for me.  I have seen many examples of nice looking shoulder enhancing shirts, jackets, and dresses.  However Miss Sassy Pants argues that upwards of 95% of all of these looks need to go, as Bon Qui Qui says.  These trends that “come back” always come back with a modern twist of some kind. Every decade has made a supposed come back, where we’ve seen things like bell bottom jeans (guilty – it was middle school people), popped collars (guilty again – early high school, so hard to be cool), leggings, jellies, jump-suits (I mean wtf), high-waisted pants and shorts (fine if you have a waist), etc. come back into fashion and thrown in our faces by Express, Gucci, Target, Limited Too, even Hot Topic, depending on what you like to brand yourself with.  [Aside: Miss Sassy Pants asserts that none of the fashions that Hot Topic has ever carried were ever “in” nor will they ever be, no matter how many times they are brought back.]  However. When it comes to enhancing your shoulder cleavage, as with enhancing boob cleavage, be conservative! Never have I heard or seen a man say “Dang that woman is hot – look at her square shoulders!” Athletic shoulders maybe.  Delicate, lady-like shoulders perhaps.  But ladies, let’s leave square and wide-shouldering to the men.  It’s a much better look on them, and they don’t need foam in their jackets to do it.