Cruisin for a bruisin

Yes, that is a Grease reference. My second favorite line is the bit about the hickey from Kenickie being like a Hallmark card. Teehee.

I have now been at work for a few days post my epic cruise vacation with Momma Sassy. And let me tell you, is it depressing or what. Originally I had thought I’d return to the office rejuvenated, refreshed, relaxed, and ready to re-work. And I was wrong. All I have been thinking about these past days is the cruise, the awesome times I had, the multiple naps per day, and the room service. I still haven’t gone grocery shopping because I can’t stop thinking about the food. And more than ever I’m wanting to leave work the minute I arrive and go sit by the pool. My neighborhood pool isn’t nearly as nice as the ship’s pool obviously, but it’s a pool nonetheless and I want to sip a frothy drink next to it. Or in it. Maybe this is coming off as complaining. Which is fine, because that’s basically what it is. Ha.

Moving on. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been on a cruise. Hands in the air people. I can see you through your webcam. The internet is a scary place. And so is a cruise ship when it comes to scary people. A cruise ship is better than Myrtle Beach on spring break for people watching. There are all kinds of people, ranging from first-time cruisers buried in their deck 2 stateroom with just a port hole to look out of, to the super swanky rich people throwing cash about at the Craps table in the casino. Big families with lots of small children, old retired couples who have been on 50 plus cruises just in the last 15 years. Newlyweds. Mother-daughter duos. The clientele runs the gamut, and provides ample entertainment outside of the theater for all aboard.

My first cruise-clientele-related observation involved the number of old people on our ship. Since this cruise took place at the end of May, I had assumed and been told to expect lots of college students. Graduations had just happened up and down the east coast, and fresh coeds were sure to populate the tiny staterooms and fill the dining room with raucous laughter. Wrong. Graduations may have just occurred, but the only people celebrating that on this cruise were the grandparents. And great-grandparents. And possibly even great-great-grandparents. I’m telling you, these people are old. There was a daily and nightly parade of Hoverounds and walkers, with wheels and without. Instead of complaining about strollers rolling away and hitting me, it was walkers. And automatic wheelchairs with occupants who have poor to terrible eyesight, much less depth perception. Have you ever seen one of these things pull a U-y? Probably not, since they pretty much all require a 9 point turn. I don’t want to bash Hoveround. Maybe it’s like we say at the office: Problem exists between keyboard and chair. In automatic wheelchair turns, it might be simply: Problem exists…in chair. Or something. Anyhoo, this provided us with a total of at least 10 cumulative hours of entertainment over the 9 days.

And I don’t want to hate on the elderly who have trouble getting around and need assistance. The chair is an awesome idea and I saw it work well for many elderly folks who otherwise couldn’t get from dinner to the show in under 45 minutes, traveling down a flight of stairs and a short hallway. But some of these jokers in automatic wheelchairs really don’t need them, and it really sticks in my craw. To me, those kinds of conveniences and services should be provided to those who really need it – like the old folks with bad knees and hips, arthritic joints, etc. If you are not elderly and disabled, you are just a lazy fatass. And if you walked rather than rolled yourself around, I bet you wouldn’t be so large. I’m not sorry.

You know what else is funny? The showers. And you know what got old after the 200th time? The jokes about the showers. People love making these cracks on how small the staterooms are and how tiny the bathroom is. I’ll admit. It is pretty darn small. Last entry I compared the bathroom we had to a port-o-john plus a shower. That is a pretty accurate estimation. And yes, the shower was ridiculously small, but Momma and I are pretty small ladies, both measuring under 5’2 and weighing in at…um let’s just say we both weigh under 122. Accurate? Yes. Precise? No. Moving on. This means the shower, while a little tight (TWSS) was a decent fit (TWSS). But we’re not overweight. I would guestimate that roughly 90% of the cruisers on this ship were at least considered overweight, if not outright obese or morbidly obese. Mum and I puzzled over how some of these people even bathed at all during this trip, seeing as they were all SO LARGE.

Other things cruisers love: free stuff. Or close to free stuff. On the last day at sea, the shops on board had a crazy sale in which they sell things for $10, ranging from hats and scarves to necklaces, bracelets, watches, clutches, and other goodies. It is an awesome sale. Except I saw a couple old ladies being trampled by larger, more robust old ladies. And I was shoved out of the way so one woman could examine a necklace/earring combo in front of me. I mean it was straight up out of a movie where the women are like jungle cats pouncing on innocent antelope/necklaces. Never have I seen a woman horde handfuls of jewelry and clutch 7 clutches to her chest like it’s the food that will save her from starvation. Trife.

Unrelated: tomorrow is my 24th anniversary of being born. Get excited.

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