Prepare for me to argue with and contradict myself throughout this entire post. I swear I have a point, though it may be confusing as I go about getting to it. You’ve been warned.
I ended a previous post about my GFs by saying that friendships last forever. I do believe this. But some friendships don’t seem to last forever. But there is something about these friendships and all friendships that do last forever. And I also believe that all friendships have the potential to last forever.
This post is dedicated to one person specifically, who I will not name, and a couple other people who I also will not name. Haha, so specific. Basically it’s dedicated to a few ladies whom I know and either love dearly or have loved dearly in the past. And also to everyone I love who has endured my drama.
Recent and semi-recent events have led me to do some semi-serious introspection of late, and I have decided to share my thoughts with the interwebs since that is what I do on this here blog. I have a feeling it will apply to more people than just me and my little gang of chicklets. Yes, this is specifically about lady-friends but it is also pertinent to dudes in some ways, I’m sure.
You know you are a grown-up when…this is a long list. During school, I had this great friend. To make a long story extremely short, we eventually grew apart. By the end of senior year I was 100% convinced that this person did not like me anymore and I didn’t know why. I could think of a couple possibilities but none of these were conclusive, nor was I convinced that any of these were the root cause. We had endured a bit of drama through those 4 years and so for the first time ever, I decided it wasn’t worth my time to trudge through the awkwardness and force a conversation about something neither of us could remember and try to make nice. I figured it was a wash. I had great friends and so did she. The only time it bothered me was when these friends overlapped, which was semi-often. But I had been hurt along the way, and I figured the same was true for her, and it seemed we were both happy. No need to dig up buried poo. It would just stink more. Time passed.
Then a few weeks ago I got a phone call from a non-caller-ID’d number after working hours. This is common since I forward all my calls from my personal phone to my work phone and therefore don’t have everyone’s number saved anymore. As I looked at the number trying to figure out if it was friend or foe (foe = work person, also common), I had a memory flash. I knew this number. Very well. And sure enough. She was just in town for a couple days, and did I want to meet up? Ya’ll know I can’t hide any and all emotions whatsoever. So, per the MSP standard, my shock and surprise from this phone call was evident. But we agreed on a time and place and a few short hours later I was sitting at a high bar table, talking about high school reunions and ANTM marathons over a glass of wine with my old friend.
Something had changed here with this person and I couldn’t put my finger on it really. Then it occurred to me that it wasn’t necessarily just her who had changed. We had both grown up a bit since the last time we had enjoyed each other’s company in this way, going on 3 years ago. Graduating from college and making life decisions does that to a person. There’s also something about the real world that gives one perspective. I have new perspective on my own life, and I seemed to have a new one on hers, and vice versa.
Then 2 weekends ago I was, along with some of my closest VT pals (though missing a few key family members), in Blacksburg to stock up on some Hokie hugs and love. This visit was full of happiness for me, good times, funny reminiscing, bunches of giggles, TOTS, and a healthy dose of college drama.
I remember when I graduated from high school, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I was leaving all that drama behind for a newer, more mature and less dramatic existence. This ended up being true only in that it was newer. Still plenty of drama to be had. And if you tried to avoid it, it found you. Then when I graduated from college I thought once again, so grateful to be leaving the drama behind and taking only 4 years of amazing memories with me. Joke’s on me once again, as drama fills the lives of everyone around me, including my own. I have learned that the drama doesn’t go away, it just changes with age.
I am not here to air other people’s dirty laundry, and I am going to attempt to tread lightly on this topic. But I have to say. It repeatedly astounds me what “good friends” will do to each other. It is also astounding in a different way what friends will put up with from these “good friends.” The human capacity to love and forgive is an amazing thing. I have witnessed a few instances of this in my life, either being graciously given forgiveness, or graciously giving forgiveness. And in both cases, sometimes the forgive-ee was not worthy. But it is still granted either in the name of love, less drama, or ease. Sometimes it’s just easier to forgive and move forward – I know I’ve definitely done this to avoid difficult discussions or awkward situations. But not everyone is as magnanimous as me. Haha, just joking. But seriously. We all need differing amounts of time to get over things, whether it’s a fight between friends or a death or a breakup or whatever. With my old friend, there were definitely things that needed to be forgiven. In other words, I definitely had a list of things I needed to forgive in order to move forward (and I’m sure vice versa, but this is my blog not hers). But time did it for me. Time allowed us to go our mostly-separate-but-occasionally-intersecting ways and made it easy for me to meet this girl for a drink and have an easy and nice time.
But others struggle with this, and time is not always on your side. Friendship requires trust, and when that trust is broken, sometimes repeatedly and without mercy, we can run out of forgiveness and just want to say, “You know what, you’re a mondo biotch and I never want to see your stinking face again! And you look fat in that dress. HA.” Amiright! But I bet anyone who’s ever done something like that who is not herself a mondo biotch probably felt ridiculously bad immediately after. And she probably apologized immediately or promptly burst into tears.
Anyhooz, I don’t think that me and this girl will be “best friends” again, whatever that means. But it is nice to know that as two adults, we can completely put aside any differences we may have had in the past and have a nice visit, ask about the parents, and our plans for the future. We shared a past, and at one point were very close, and this is possibly what made it easy for us to converse so.. well, easily. Enough time had passed that we could both put whatever pain we had caused each other aside and just visit. We don’t need to dig up the poo, as I so delicately put it earlier. We can just smell the pretty flowers that grew from it.
I just completed that analogy so awesomely. Let us all go forth and be grateful for friendships we have, and not let pettiness and bad memories ruin others. Because poo is smelly and deserves to be buried.