Hooty-hoo who’s getting me roses?

Happy Valentine’s Day, little ones. I hope you all do at least one of the following before the day is over: 1) hate on every adorable couple you see, 2) spitefully love on and brag about your own coupleyness, 3) gorge yourself on heart-shaped chocolates and gain 10 pounds, 4) discover you’re deathly allergic to beautiful bouquets of roses, or 5) discover you actually love being single and laugh in the face of romance and happy endings. I tried to make them non-bitter but I think I failed. I’m not sorry. I don’t see myself as bitter, but seriously, who loves being single on Valentine’s Day? No one. And if you say you do love it, you’re lying. It’s super fun to throw a singles-only party or an anti-Vday shindig, but deep down the commercials from Kay Jewelers get to you, and no matter how much you hate the jingle (I mean loath, seriously, Kay Jewelers) and probably also hate the everyone-owns-that-heart-shaped-diamond-necklace, you sniffle a bit in self-pity on the inside for just a second. On a holiday that cynics will say was manufactured by Hallmark to get men to spend money on romance for their special lady, those without a special man from whom to receive said romance, suffer.

Today, in honor of this famed and love-filled holiday, I am wearing black. Sort of like I’m in mourning, I suppose. I did spice it up with purple heels (duh) and red nails so if anyone asks I don’t look like a total Debbie Downer. Also I’m wearing an antique looking key around my neck, which I have dubbed the “key to my heart,” which has worked for the sentimental old ladies I’ve encountered. It is now after 5pm,  and nothing overtly ridiculous has happened in the office and I’d really love if my cubemates refrain from blatantly disgusting displays of romance and love via flowers, chocolate, or obnoxious balloons, which at this point seems promising. My boss is wearing blue today, and I love her for it. Also I love that I haven’t seen any outrageous red sweaters with huge pink hearts or other annoyingly obnoxious Valentine’s Day clothing. Funny how much love I have for all things not related to love. Is that irony? Or something.

I realize, again, that this definitely makes me sound cynical, bitter, and/or resentful of other people’s happiness in their coupledom. But I’m not. Really. I think my issue is that so many of these festivities are so cliche, trite, UNsurprising, super cheesy, and therefore to me have developed an insincerity. Who wants a box of chocolates professing love when every other girl on the planet got the same box or some other form of fattening sweets to supposedly express some feeling of affection that the giver feels on a daily basis? Why not bring me roses on a random day, because well, you just love me a lot and want to tell me. Why wait for a “holiday” that makes it easier (and more expensive) to get your woman nice things when you could go to CVS any day of the week (and for some, any time of the day thanks to 24 hour service) and pick up a balloon and/or package of Hershey’s Kisses? Am I just arguing this because I have no one at the moment to bring me chocolate (that I don’t need) and flowers that will die in a couple days? Maybe. Do I still, even knowing my potential resentment factor, think I am right? Yes. Am I always right on my blog? Yes…there’s no one to argue with, so I win. Feel free to prove me wrong with a comment, but play nice.

So really, I’m doing all of you dudes a favor by arguing this. You are wasting money spending $50 on a dozen gorgeous roses when a) roses are gorgeous all year round and b) much cheaper when it’s NOT Valentine’s Day. As a good friend of mine said, it’s an excuse to be nice to your woman. If you really like/love her, why aren’t you nice, considerate, and thoughtful via random acts of kindness and affection the whole year? He has an excellent point, and now I wonder why we’re not dating. Apparently this friend used to buy a former girlfriend flowers once a month. Just because. Just to show he cares (guys, please take note…this dude is primo). Does this make Valentine’s Day less special? Does it make receiving flowers less special? Not in my opinion. I wasn’t the girl receiving the flowers, but I’ll tell you, as a girl, I’d love it. And then when Valentine’s Day rolled around, I’d be all “Well my boyfriend gets me flowers all the time! He doesn’t need an excuse to show he cares. Sigh.” If a guy waits until that one day per year when TV, radio, internet, and everyone else in the world is reminding him, “hey, get your woman something nice and tell her you love her,” this to me shows you are lazy, lack initiative and creativity, and possibly just don’t want to be in the doghouse because all her friends got something and she didn’t. If you give love all year long regardless of holidays or what everyone else is doing, she won’t feel left out or neglected at any time.

If all couples / men in a relationship prescribed to this philosophy like my friend does, there’d be fewer single and spiteful ladies out there like myself, rolling my eyes at every cupcake and balloon I see. Stop being lazy and start being sincere. If you don’t love her enough to get her flowers any time of year, then don’t get her flowers today. She’ll only be disappointed down the road.

I hope that box of chocolate you just ate goes right to your hips. LOL/JK. It’ll just make you break out. Big non-Valentine’s smooches to everyone!

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