Monthly Archives: January 2011

Questions + Interwebs = Fun Times

Ok so I know I already did this once, but it’s just so fun I must do it again. It’s time once again to delve into the fun world of WordPress analytics and share some laughs and some um-whats at the expense of innocent interwebs searchers out there. And if you’re reading this and I pick on something you searched for, I’m sorry. No offense meant, really. It’s all in good fun, so pick up a sense of humor and let’s get on with it. In case you missed it last time, WordPress saves all the searches people use which brings them to this little treasure chest of sass. I take pleasure in reading the list of phrases occasionally and having a good solo chuckle. And now I’m sharing with you people so I don’t have to laugh alone anymore. Because it’s just not as fun to laugh alone, yes?

“Eyebrow piercing with glasses picture.” I am loving this and I really can’t explain why. It’s just, I wonder if the nerd glasses (don’t hate, I wear them too on occasion) will cover up the badassery of an eyebrow piercing, and you wouldn’t want to go through that and have it be all hidden by your glasses. I hope that person found the answer they were looking for, but I’m sure they didn’t find anything helpful here. Sorry kid. Maybe look into some contacts?

“Sun dresses and sassy shoes.” Loves. I can’t wait for spring. Though as I have a no photo policy at this time (aka I just don’t make time to put up pretty pictures) there’s nothing but written shoe wisdom for them here. Keep reading, little one, and maybe you’ll be inspired.

“freaks out if I don’t reply to text messages.” Haha. Hahaha. Also loves, though in a different way from the sun dresses. I’m going to make an assumption and say this is a dude. So, dude, either answer her texts, or break it off. If it’s a girl, I suppose it’s pretty much the same answer, though somehow a guy freaking out over no text response is more annoying / freaky / sign of future woman hitter, so definitely ditch that jank.

“frightening things on the internet.” I’m not sure whether to be offended or amused. My first reaction was to laugh and then I was all like, um, what? Frightening? I guess I can be frightening. Rawr. Sass is frightening to some I suppose. Grow a pair and don’t be a scared little boy. Next.

“if he text messages me can i reply right back or should i wait.” Wait. Definitely wait. At least one or two minutes, even if you have to stare at the phone and watch the minutes tick by. But only if it’s a new-ish thing, otherwise it’s just annoying and there’s no reason to be coy.

“I want to be Tim Riggins.” I think this is my favorite, by far. Whoever you are, if you find a way to become Tim Riggins minus the jail time, do call me. I’d love to help you take care of that big ol’ steer.

“miss physical fitness.” I’m not sure if this was a search to find this on purpose or what, but am I not Miss Physical Fitness Pants as well? Boxing, running, doing squats and in general being a badass when it comes to physical fitness, I clearly deserve this title as well. LOL/JK. Though I am boxing regularly these days.

“stupid love miss sassy.” Indeed. Stupidly in love all the time. With men, shoes, outlets, and fried anything. Sorry bout it.

“free panty sassy.” Ha! Of course this time since I readily have written about free panties on numerous occasions as a joke because it was in the search terms before, this one isn’t as surprising but it’s still funny. Free panty! Free panty! Woo! Bring it on, Google.

“I want pink hair.” GOSH me too! Though I’m not sure you can get pink hair from the internet. Typically you buy dye or go to a salon. Just an idea.

“girl texts guy – he does not reply.” Me Tarzan. You Jane. Me sort of dumb. Not understand what zero response means. See previous nine thousand entries about texting, boys, and the meaning of it all.

“Piggly Wiggly wearing a cowboy hat.” Two things: 1) LOL, 2) What the heck. I don’t even know what to say, except that I laughed. I considered googling this myself just to see the results since I feel like I’m missing something, but then I sort of got scared or something. I will say though, Piggly Wiggly is a great grocery store, and I super love cowboy hats. Could be a great combo. So then I got unscared and Googled it. Nothing special, and now it’s not as funny.

Okay one more, I promise.

“sassy comment to say to a “busy” guy.” Repeat after me: See ya later. Please remember it is not sassy to waste time on men who are too busy for us. Again with the repeating myself nine thousand times.

Keep searching, little searchers! I super loves you!

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Lasting Friendships and Corporate Lingo Bingo

I had a light bulb moment earlier today while driving back from Le Subway, my exotic lunch of choice for 90% of my work days. It was sort of a deep and insightful light bulb, and there was a moment where I was sad, nostalgic, happy, regretful, and contemplative all at once. I immediately decided to write about it, make it less of a depressing thought by sharing it with you people, and throwing in some jokes to lighten it up whilst dissecting. Because that’s my style. We are not super serious here at Miss Sassy Pants, because we don’t take our sassy pants too seriously, unless they are just seriously sassy. See how I did that? Also not sure why I used “we,” since it’s just me here in these pants. [Baa! That one was for you, Senator]

So now here I am, taking a break from wrestling and arguing with the biggest, slowest, most complicated excel spreadsheet ever (bet you didn’t know they could wrestle or argue…now you know) to get this jank down on proverbial paper. Also I challenge you to a game of corporate lingo bingo. 10 points for everyone who spots them all (also fun to play on conference calls, but that’s not for this post). Here we go.

One of the biggest take-aways from this rotational program is the human experience. It’s not necessarily all about how many muckity-mucks I schmooze with, how many high-impact initiatives I participate in, what my visibility is compared to my colleagues and peers, or my success rate (thank goodness). It’s the people I meet and interact with, how I learn to interact with different personalities, different kinds of bosses, finding my place in the work community and “life” community (aka outside of work), making new friends and forming relationships, and learning which gas station sells the cheapest gas (a moot point out here, as I sacrifice future unborn children each time I fill up). It’s the soft skills, and if my HR manager was reading this, he’s be so proud as he is always stressing to us kids in the program how important the soft skills are.

The first rotation in Richmond was easy. I had previously lived there for a good number of years, aka my entire life minus roughly 4 years of college, so suffice it to say I knew people. I knew where to go, I had friends, and I had places nearby I could easily visit and know more people. Does that make me sound ridiculously cool and popular? No? Well you’re right, I wasn’t, but my point is, I had a network, I had family, and I knew people at work from the previous summer working there. Like training wheels, this situation let me learn slowly and safely about the “real world,” as real as a world can be while living in the same town you grew up in and still living with your parents and paying no bills. Have a chuckle, and we’ll move on. Then after 6 months of regularity, good work out schedule, my designated parking spot where I parked daily, good pals, weekly lunch outings, and Law & Order marathons with my parents, not to mention close proximity to VT (very important),  it was all brought to an abrupt halt.

On to Raleigh, where I knew approximately 2 people and moved in with this random chick I found on Craig’s List (she’s awesome btw, and we’re now friends…thanks Craig). I missed my friends, having tons of Hokies nearby, and knowing which bars to go to for a cheap drink and good time. It took me a little while, but after a couple months I had new (good) friends, pals at work, my “place” socially at work, and had a routine of regular things I did and people I saw. It was like I actually lived there. Then once I got used to it and settled, I up and moved myself to California. Which, among other things, means I’d be away – far, far away from Virginia Tech during football season. Talk about depressing.

And so it seems that two times of settling, connecting, and routine-ing is enough for me to adjust how I think about and do things during these short stints of life. I have found myself frequently thinking, “well if it’s only x number of months left, what’s the point?” Why form bonds and connect with people, only to up and leave a short time later and more than likely see none of them possibly ever again, aside from Facebook updates? Luckily for me, when I think these things, I immediately recognize the depressing-ness of them and do something deliberately opposite of those thoughts. Like make plans and do something to capitalize on fun.

But then other times I can’t get motivated to make the effort to meet people or meet up with the people I have met. There’s logistics, getting to know them, figuring out if I actually like them and if they like me, if we have anything in common, forming bonds, blah blah blah. Making and maintaining friends (and especially good friends) really is a lot of work, so then I think, well I’m not staying here so why am I putting in all this effort to form relationships with people who will soon be 3,000 miles away from me? And also I’d argue that some people would feel the same about me. Why will they put in a lot of effort to reach out to me when they know I will be gone soon, when they could be making time with more permanent people? I could visit, we say, or they could visit me, at some vague point in the future. It’s not such a big world anymore that San Francisco is inaccessible from Raleigh. And I may or may not do this, but none of us are made of that kind of money. But you get the point. It’s a balance. I fight loneliness and laziness to try to find a balance between being a total loner / hermit for 6 months, and putting work into making bonds which will possibly hurt me later when severed (or at least transferred to somewhere less tangible like the interwebs). But really, this shouldn’t be the first thought after meeting new people…I mean really: “Gosh, you are nice and seem pretty cool,  I think we could be friends, but I’m not sure I want to hang out anymore for fear that I might really miss you at some indiscriminate time in the distant future, so let’s examine the ROI before we spend man-hours to take this initiative further through the development life cycle.” Right! Who does that? No one.

I have no regrets, and when I think about making plans, accepting or saying no thanks to invites, I always consider this. Which will I regret more: going and doing, or not going and not doing? We know the answer. I am grateful for my job, for the chance to live somewhere other than Richmond via company funds, and to meet as many different people and see as many new things as possible. After all, we learn from each other, do we not? And no doubt I can only benefit from forming as many friendships and strategic partnerships as possible. Whether things turn out for better or worse, I will have learned something from them, and learned more about myself. Which is apparently what the 20-something years are all about, so they say. Whoever they are. They seem to know a lot, so we’ll take their word.

So I long-winded this one a bit and went over my self-imposed word limit, but whatevs. Anyone agree or disagree with me? If you disagree, I’d say you might be weird or have issues. But I’m open minded. Plus, it’s sassy to be adventurous and to put oneself “out there,” where ever there happens to be. Go forth and be sassy.

Also, I managed 10 to 13 corporate lingo bingo words, which I’d say is decent considering the mostly personal topic. High five if you found them all.

Life is good with a gated parking garage, OR Taxi Driver Bowling!

There are exactly 14 days until I board a large jet and fly east for the last time. 14 big ones. I really could not be more excited about this, and it’s not because I hate or dislike living in good ol’ dub-C, or because I don’t like San Francisco, or because the nice weather is annoying. I actually love SF and the weather. It’s really just because moving back will mean my job here will be done. And let me tell you I have never been so relieved for an engagement / project / job to be over. Not even in school doing miserable projects or taking miserable classes was I ever this excited to be done. It’s quite extreme. BUT. Instead of complain about my job like 90% of other employed people, I’ve been compiling a list of things that I super love about this place, and want to share some mushy lovies that I will miss once I move back to the right coast. In no particular order, please enjoy the following.

It is really nice to have a gated parking garage in which to park my precious little baby. It doesn’t get nearly as cold here as it does back east (more on this pleasantness is forthcoming) but it is just so nice that my car is dry every morning, not even slightly iced or dewy from the cold night air. And being protected from the rain is an extra perk. When I move back to Raleigh, I’ll be parking little Rose on the street in front of the house like regular suburban-living folks and she’ll be extra cold at night, and I’ll have to allow for extra minutes in my morning to get her started up and warm and do yucky things like scrape ice. Ick.  Plus we all know how good I am at getting up earlier for anything. Fun. I won’t, however, miss my garage door opener which works sporadically at best. I frequently find myself sitting outside (or inside) the garage for minutes at a time trying to hit the button just right so it’ll work. The problems of the privileged I tell you.

There is a Starbuck’s SO conveniently on my way to work. I have the option of hopping on the interstate for a quick two exits and making it inside the building in under 5 minutes, OR I can travel along beside the interstate and make a little pit stop to get myself some morning sustenance. In Raleigh, there is no Starbuck’s or other coffee or breakfast establishment between my residence and the office, due to the fact that I [will] live ridiculously (I mean really) close to the office. Back to me getting up earlier for things in the morning and driving out of the way to get a chocolate-y non-coffee. Again, what problems to have!

The weather. I really don’t think I need to explain this one, but I will since everyone back east thinks that California weather is the same throughout the state. You guys. California is huge and spans a wide range of latitudes. This mean the weather is not like San Diego or LA throughout the entire state. Remember your grade school geography, kids. Anyway. San Francisco and the surrounding bay area are very different when it comes to fog patterns, rain, sun, temperature, etc. And I think living here for 6 months does not qualify me to learn you all about it since I haven’t even seen it go full circle. But I will say, I super love the winter temps. The only winter coat I have out here is a thin pea coat from H&M (read: cheap / not super warm) and I hardly wear it as it is routinely too heavy and makes me hot. I love wearing a cute blazer or lightweight fleece and being plenty comfy all day. Also when it rains here, it doesn’t rain hard. Just a nice drizzle or very light precipitation. No gale force winds and pounding hail which render umbrellas completely useless. Loves.

My apartment is right down the street from the BART station, which means at the end of the street at all hours of the day which are not rush hours, taxis line up by the station exit. I really wish I could explain this more fully, but they parallel park along this road and the drivers mill about all the livelong day. Just waiting for fare I suppose. Anyway. The drivers literally don’t give two hoo-hahs about oncoming traffic in either direction. There is a grassy area with chairs to one side, and to the other a very pleasant sidewalk and more grassy areas for them to frolic whilst waiting for business. But instead they choose to stand in the street, car doors wide open into the lane. My newest game is to go as fast as possible when I approach and see how much they value their lives. It’s quite a fun time. And I really will miss placing bets with myself to see how many have to dive out of the way. I of course wave in a friendly neighborly fashion as I zoom by. Bunch of idiots. The road is for driving, not for standing. So move aside.

There’s this super awesome clothing store that I found in December which I am now obsessed with. It’s called Tart. You may have heard of the brand if you’re a regular shopper at Barney’s, W Hotel boutiques, or other swanky stores in NYC or San Francisco. The brand originated in SF and is made right here in the East Bay. This means that they also have a mini outlet store right here in the East Bay! And guess who lives in the East Bay not 3 miles from this little outlet! That’s right! Ya’ll are so smart. I have gotten some RIDICULOUSLY cute things there at just INSANE low prices. As in this dress for $20. That is not a joke. If you note the original price, that’s like 91% off.  Ninety-One Percent OFF. If that is not the crazy awesomest sale ever then I will eat my shoes. And since it’s the only outlet in the entire nation and world, I will miss it. Also I’m kind of pals with the lady who runs it, so I’ll miss her too.

So there’s more I guess, but it’s nap time. This little baby needs to winky-tinky! [10 points to anyone other than my mother who gets the reference without googling!]

Hey Gurl Hey! Or, WHO DAT!

Oh hey you guys. It’s been like 90 years since my last post. WHO DAT not writing regular posts as she promised a month ago. A thousand apologies, because I know you all are on drugs and in therapy now from Miss Sassy Pants withdrawal. It’s ok. I’m on drugs and in therapy for other reasons, which have kept me from writing more of this here jank and entertaining not only you and my mother, but myself as well. You don’t think I do this just for you, do you? It’s not all about you. Especially here at MSP, since it’s really all about me. And I’m not really on drugs. I got jokes, ya’ll. Anywho.

So what’s going on? How’s your mom? How’s the family? What’d Santa bring you? How many days / hours did you stick to your New Year’s resolution before you gave in and got fat again? Right! Most common NYR ever = to lose weight. My holidays were absolutely wonderful and filled with joy. Momma Sassy and I had our traditional Scrabble tournament which I am SO proud to brag / say that I won this time. High five to me. Anyone who knows my mother knows this is a huge feat because her vocabulary is, like, omigod huge. And I read like 5 books on my new Kindle within 48 hours of opening it. And Poppa Pants is happily and steadily recovering very well from his total knee replacement (badass), and if anyone has any ideas about how to get all his music to show up in iTunes on his new computer, please send me a note. I only had a couple ideas and they all failed. Seriously, email me.

Moving on. Because I’m not a huge fan of the play-by-play, “today I did this and this and this, stay tuned for more daily doings!” entries. Whatever. Later when I’m not consumed with working 24 hours per day, I’ll wax poetic about how wonderful Christmas was and how awesome it was to see the family, how much fun I had on my awesome roadtrip with a few of my favorite Hokies and closest friends to ring in 2011 and watch our beloved Hokies lose another BCS bowl game, and how tired I was after more then 48 hours of travel to get back to this crazy tax-ridden and bankrupt state of sunshine and moderate temperatures. Seriously, there’s no sarcasm there,  I really had a fab time with family, and awesome time with friends, and nearly cried when we lost that game. Sigh. And I even worked ridiculous hours during the holiday. Go me. But do check out the Coastal Wind for a play-by-play of our adventures to Savannah and Miami, including details on meals and bathroom breaks. That Mr. Smarty Pants loves sharing personal details I tell you.

Next topic. I have some breaking news to share with you! Woo! Drum roll. I am officially moving back to Raleigh, North Carolina at the end of this month. I cannot express my happiness accurately, and will not attempt to here, as it will involve a ridiculous number of exclamation points. Just trust me. I’m happy. I miss the east coast, my family, and the simple happiness that living in the south brings to me. Plus, never thought I’d say this, but I miss the humidity. My hair is so flat out here, ya’ll, it’s just strange, and I really can’t say I’m a fan. Things I will miss about this place: not much. I’m tired of paying $50 for a tank of gas for my little tiny baby car. RIDIC. Also, since my job has taken over my every waking hour these past few weeks, and will continue to do so until I move away, the sting of missing out on awesome San Francisco night life and extra-curricular activities will be lessened as I hardly leave my apartment / desk at work except to hit up my pal Bin at my favorite Modern China Cafe. He gives me free soup because I go there so often. Alone. I am so cool.

Next. There are approximately 119 days until my dear mother and I embark on our mother-daughter excursion of 2011. 119 days until she and I journey to Baltimore and set sail on one of Royal Caribbean’s gorgeous ships for a whopping 9 days. Yessir. Don’t be jealous.

Speaking of awesome cruise vacations, I am such a genius that I left my sneakers at home in VA. Haven’t been to the gym or done any form of exercise in over 10 days. Hurry up little postal workers, and brang me them shoes! It was the biggest letdown last week when I got all dressed and hyped up for boxing, only to discover I have zero pairs of shoes suitable to wear to the gym. Sad face. So instead I went to the grocery store and bought some Ruffles and My Little Pony fruit snacks. Good choices. I will be pudgy and gross and Momma will be all hot and toned thanks to her religious P90X regimen. There’s some motivation for me (and you).

Anywho. Keep checking the Coastal Wind for some newsy updates and bathroom schedules from our epic road trip to Miami. And bear with me as I attempt to get some work-life balance back in my life.  I do still love you, and I am still sassy.

Oregon just tied with Auburn, so now I’ve got to get serious about watching this game. War Eagle!