Random Phone Love

You know what is super great? iPhones. You know what else is super great? All smart phones and new technology and the fact that a “home phone” is a declining trend. As in, no one has one anymore. This is kind of nice because it’s one less number you have to save, remember, and store in your 16GB phone. You have lots of pics and music on that jank now, no space to spare for something silly like someone’s home phone number. And it’s super cool that we can be contacted at any time, anywhere, in the middle of anything. And for those of you who complain about being connected too much…you can always turn it off or leave it at home as I have actually done a couple times. It’s nice.

But recently I have discovered that newfangled awesome technological devices are lacking in one area: anger satisfaction. Remember in the old days when you were pissed off talking to someone and could slam down the phone into the receiver and it made a loud noise and very satisfying slam? And even older phones even made a little ringy-ding noise if you slammed it hard enough. It relieves stress, having this little outlet, knowing that your poor little phone can take a little abuse without breaking. Probably don’t want to do that every day, but it will prevail. With smartphones, and especially those of the touch-screen variety, this is impossible. A couple days ago, I had a very unsatisfying convo with someone, and I was irritated upon completion of this convo. I very much wanted to throw something or slam down the phone. Instead, all I could do was pull the phone away from my ear and…*tap* …..…that’s all. A light tap of my finger to hang up. And I can’t throw my phone because it might break. I can’t slam it onto the counter because I might shatter the screen, which would upset me so and thus negate any satisfaction I may have redeemed from performing this possibly satisfying action. I don’t have a solution for this conundrum. I just miss old phones I guess.

On the other hand, technology has also enabled us to be more emotional more effectively. Think back to the days when we all communicated via hand-written notes. What a time. Back then I suppose people portrayed negative feelings in a classy, beautifully scripted and well thought out narrative. “Dear Such-and-Such, It has come to my attention that you have done something that is extremely unsatisfying to me. I am forthwith stripping you of my friendship, my dear sir, and will refuse respectfully to carry out any future social calls for you or on your behalf, including but not limited to calling upon you at your residence or any parties you may host there or elsewhere. Most Sincerely, Me.” Right?! This is such a nice way to basically say “F-off.” Now, we have things like caps lock and larger font, and it’s not even a waste of paper or precious ink. So saying something as simple as “you made me mad” is much more satisfying when it reads like this: “YOU MADE ME MAD!” The first is almost just a statement in anticipation of a clarifying “but,” statement. The second is most definitely getting the point across that you in fact have made me extremely angry.

The same goes for other emotions. Don’t want everyone to think that Miss Sassy is all about anger and madness, because I’m totally a lover. Technology has given us emoticons, which I believe are some of the funnest things to include in emails, text messages, and even blog posts. Consider the following statement: “I can’t wait to see you!” This by itself is still very exciting, and accurately portrays the senders excited emotions of not being able to wait to see you. They are stoked, no doubt about it. But add a smiley to the end, and it’s even more effective. Or even a smooch face, or a wink, both of which would then add a totally different connotation to the statement. Think where we might be without such feats of technology. Have you ever tried to hand-write an emoticon of some sort? It’s kind of difficult beyond the standard frown, smiley, and wink. They even have some that automated now. Quite fun.

At least with the sweet RAZRs of yore and flip phones of high school we could flip closed with a rewarding *clack* but no more. Here’s to finding alternate and more creative outlets for our frustration and anger. I’m signing up for some kickboxing classes, so perhaps that will solve my issue. And here’s to emoticons. You’ve changed my life, emoticons.

3 responses to “Random Phone Love

  1. I wish I knew how to make a “smooch” emoticon. Guess Momma Sassy is technologically challenged (SHOCKER!!). Love you. Big Smooches.


  3. Remember that one time I threw my old Nokia brick phone like a wicked fastball at the wall in Torg while we were waiting for the bus because I was so angry and it shattered in to all it’s possible unassembled parts? That was SO satisfying! Ahh, the good ole days…

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