I love Thanksgiving. Who doesn’t love Thanksgiving? We spend time with family, eat like there’s no tomorrow, and watch some awesome football. We all gain anywhere from 5 to 25 pounds (don’t deny it, it happens to everyone), and get to eat leftover turkey and ham sandwiches on leftover biscuits with leftover mashed taters and leftover green bean casserole. It’s also the day before everyone goes nuts for the sale at Best Buy and Kohl’s. Let me tell you, Miss Sassy loves her some sales. But lawd help anyone who buys me something from Kohl’s. Ick. Anywho. But Thanksgiving really isn’t just about buying the biggest turkey ever or eating leftover biscuit sandwiches and watching VT beat up on UVA for the 85th time in a row. It’s about family, friends, and acknowledging all the great things in our lives for which we are so thankful. And so, here we have a complete enumeration of all things for which Miss Sassy Pants herself is thankful.
Firstly we’ll start with the family, because what’s more important than family? Not much else, if anything. No, actually, there’s nothing. I have a super special family, something which I feel most everyone will say about their family, but for reals my fam is awesome. So here’s to you, Mummy, Daddy, aunts, uncles, cousins: you love me, you support me, you enable me, you encourage me, you tolerate me, you teach me, you make me a better person. Plus most of you take some time to read this jank. Lovesies. I am thankful for and love you all bunches.
Next up on the list is a group of people who really are not next. They are concurrently listed with my family because they are my other family. Yes, this means you, pseudo family. You know who you are. My Uncle Gus and his wonderful family. Twin and Mimi, the sisters I never had who are just wonderful and keep me in line and up to date on hair care. My pseudo mothers, grandmothers, and aunts who treat me like their own. You support me, you listen to me gripe, you feed me, you encourage me, you push me to succeed, you discipline me, you give great hugs, you send cute cards in the mail which happen to arrive at just the right time. You love me. Plus, some of you even read this jank, which is totally cool of you. I am grateful for you and your love.
Of course these next people I am grateful for are really just the awesomest and make a list of people useless. Of course I could never love anyone more than my mother and father, but these people come close. These people are my Hokies. I love them beyond my capability to put it into words. And of course this group is dinifitive, there are specific names on the list. But it’s also abstract. I love meeting Hokies 3,000 miles away from Blacksburg in San Francisco and having just as much fun with them watching Hokies kick everyone’s tush on the gridiron as I do with my closest friends. And what’s great about this is that I’ve added friends to this group who aren’t even Hokies. You know who you are. You’ve got Hokie love in your heart, and I’ve got love for you in mine. Of everyone, my Hokie fam has listened to me gripe and complain and just in general be miserable in the most unladylike way more than anyone else. And they are still my friends. I mean seriously. This is the truest test of love and friendship, and I can proudly say with 90% confidence that they all still love me. Plus, some of them even read this jank, which if you haven’t noticed, gives them some extra points. MSP loves readers…otherwise, why the heck am I even writing this… I love you guys. You also give great hugs. I am thankful for awesomely awesome friends who are my chosen family.
Other things I am thankful for include but are not limited to the following:
- Fried potatoes…whoever came up with putting potatoes in oil and cooking them at a high temperature with some salt and other ingredients was a genius.
- My puppies…they are precious little hairballs of love and bring me joy when I am down.
- Job: it is sad that so many people are unemployed, and I am thankful for my job and my steady income which I don’t always spend so wisely, and I’m not always sorry about it.
- Aforementioned job and steady paycheck also enable me to afford one of the loves of my life, my little Rosie-Rose, for which I am thankful. She runs good and never fails me.
- Good health: I’ve never had the flu, other serious illnesses, broken a bone, or anything else majorly bad. It’s great.
- My shoe size: it makes it extraordinarily easy for me to purchase shoes anywhere and anytime. Seriously. No one has size 6 feet, therefore everyone has size 6 shoes available at all times for little ol’ me to put on my little tootsies. It’s the small things.
- Just like the iPhone…it’s small, but I am thankful that I have one. It has kept me from getting lost many-a-time.
- In-unit washer and dryer in my apartment…because really, who ever has quarters?
Anywhooz. Bottom line is, I am thankful for a lot of things. Life is great. And it is sassy to be thankful, because no one likes a whining ungrateful person. Big hugs, virtual smooches, and a very happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
You were cute until you opened your mouth. Next.
Breaking news. This past weekend I actually had a life, AND I went out on a week night. I know! I’ll pause a moment to let that sink in. I really enjoyed myself, and I attribute it in part to the fact that I was hanging out with some Hokies, of both old and new acquaintance. Something about being a Hokie which bonds us together and makes new friends seem like old friends. But I already waxed poetic about that jank so let’s move on to the hilariousness.
It has been a long while since I got hit on. Totally kidding. I don’t like to brag, but in fact it has not been a while. It has been a hot sec. It’s all good though, it keeps me on my toes, and it gives me something to write about. I love watching it happen and anticipating how everything will go down. It’s like watching TV sometimes when the plot is all too predictable, and you find yourself in a situation in which you predicted all to accurately, which renders you bored and/or laughing at the predictability of it all. It’s comical really. Plus, seriously, guys will hit on anything when they’re drunk, and some will hit on anything at any time, so this really isn’t even a compliment to me. I’m just there, enjoying my Corona Light. And I’ve been told my short stature and poofy hair makes me more approachable. Whatever. The following is indiscretion at it’s best.
I’m hanging out with a group of people which I have met recently (I’m going to be intentionally vague to protect the sources…I know, such honorable journalistic ethics), and there’s this dude. There’s always a dude. Or two. He’s decently good looking, friendly, etc. He’s chatty. The first time we met was a while back at a previous gathering. He was friendly, cute, and chatty then as well. And also extremely drunk. Recognizing this, I was appropriately holding back. I don’t like getting into deep convos or becoming extremely involved with super drunk dudes. Because one of two things happens: they forget they talked to you / had an awesome connection / got your number OR they just stare at your chest all night while babbling about something they incoherently feel is an awesome pick up line, which gets old. SO. We had this conversation which included him asking me inappropriate questions (which I will not enumerate here or anywhere) and making equally inappropriate comments. He informed me he had a girlfriend when I asked, so I was appropriately appropriate, despite his inappropriateness.
Fast forward to this past weekend. He’s at the bar, sans girlfriend and we’re chatting again. He’s getting to the point where he’s almost as drunk as he was the last time I saw him. We start talking about that last interaction. He tells me, a bit contrite, that he has only vague memories of our last conversation but remembers enough to know he should apologize. Inappropriateness, while sometimes comical, is not always the best course of action. We then talk about his girlfriend. It comes out in conversation that he did not, in fact, actually have this girlfriend the last time we talked. Only he thought it would be an awesome way to “get me” if he told me he had one. I politely inform him that typically this is not the tastiest bait for girls. He disagrees with me and says he’s had success with that line in the past. I shrug because really it doesn’t matter. You said you have one, I’m me and I’m special I guess so to me that closes the door, even if she is not present. I guess you could say I respect myself. He’s a bit more shocked by this than I thought he should be, and we go on talking about his “chances” the last time we met. He says, “so I could have gotten you last time?” I am unsure what he means by that statement, so I clarify and say that he could have asked me out and I would have at least considered it. He wants clarification. Does “asking me out” mean hooking up? Negative, I say, they are not synonyms. I tell him that next time he’s interested in a girl, perhaps he shouldn’t claim to have a girlfriend who is waiting for him at home. He nods appreciatively like he’ll definitely keep that in mind. I attempt to move on to some other more friendly and single people we’re out with. This guy is annoying me now because he just wants his ego stroked.
Then we have an exchange that went something like this:
Him: Those jeans are soooooooo tight. [slurring slightly]
Me: [blink blink] Sorry.
Him: What color underwear are you wearing?
Me: [blink blink] [unamused raised eyebrow]
Him, trying to give me a cute face but failing: Awww come on. Just the color?
Me, glancing at my not-empty-enough beer, sifting quickly through all the available bitchy comments I could choose from: [blink blink]
Luckily (for him) at this moment a much cuter and more single friend comes over and makes a remark about how weird it is that west coast people use 10 cups for beer pong instead of 6. Mr. Drunk Undies is captivated by this and wanders over to bother the two very attractive females who are playing said game. I feel bad for them but happy for me that he left and I didn’t even have to comment. Much better and more appropriate and adult conversation ensues with cuter, singler, less ridiculously drunk guy. Victory.
So, question. Actually couple of questions and comments. Do many guys think it is a good idea to claim a girlfriend to up your chances with another girl? Does this work? Ladies, is this attractive to you? And dudes, what does knowing the color of my undies have to do with anything? When I see a tush I like, I simply use my imagination. It’s more creative that way and to my liking. Maybe just be creative, that way you don’t have to risk offending said lady by inquiring about her undergarments.
Regardless. The conclusion is this: boys are smelly and stupid, throw rocks at them. And I learned that sometimes time should just not be wasted on those who are wasted. Keep it classy, San Francisco.
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Posted in Trifeness
Tagged bars, boys are smelly, dating, drunken boys, inappropriate comments, San Francisco