(S)He Doesn’t Like You Part IV: No Really Does Mean No

And we’re back! One of the great things about dating (and this series) is that it applies to both ladies and men. Thanks to the sexual revolution and other great developments like equality for women in most areas (see previous entry about equality in the work force…we’re getting there), women are not expected to sit at home and wait for suitors to call upon them while they learn things like knitting, keeping the home, and how to bake a juicy chicken. Which is great because I’m not a huge fan of knitting, cleaning, or cooking, though I endure the latter occasionally. Anywho. The point is, the benefits of this revolution can be seen on the playing field and in the dating game. Women approach men, women make the first move, women do the rejecting. The first two topics will be discussed at a future time, but women doing the rejecting fits right into this here series theme: SHE doesn’t like you! And surprisingly (as I have mentioned before), some men don’t get it just as much as some ladies don’t get it.

Exhibit A: I have this friend. He’s a decent looking guy, friendly, smart, employed, good family. All the things which look good on paper…or on a dating site! Yes (chuckle) he’s got himself a profile on one of the many reputable dating sites. Not to say that being on a dating site is laughable, because it’s not. It’s brave, and I’d say it has the potential to cut through a lot of BS that’s involved in dating. So moving on. He chatted it up with this girl, or they exchanged a series of messages, or however it works. They both decided they’d like to meet in person. So they pick a place, find a time to fit into her apparently crazy busy schedule (red flag!) and they meet. He loves it. Leaves the date raving about her. She is so cool, she’s pretty / hot / whatever adjective which means he approves of her physical appearance, she’s smart, and he thinks they had a good time together. So upon leaving, they loosely decide they’ll see each other again but make no set plans. She’s crazy busy after all and has a crazy work schedule (red flag!).

So a couple days go by, and he texts her. Then a couple more days go by and she responds (red flag!). He shrugs this time discrepancy off, as he knows she’s just so busy. But then another week goes by with dodgy communication and they just can’t work out a time to meet up. Her schedule is crazy right now, she says, she’s real sorry (red flag!). But he’s optimistic, and checks in with her yet again after another week passes. She doesn’t respond…until 4 days later. Same response. She’s really busy, sorry now is just not a good time. What does this mean?! He wonders. She’s busy, he knows, but he liked her so he’s willing to wait! He’ll work with her on it, because he is flexible.

Luckily for him, he comes to me for advice at this point. He wants to know the cold hard truth. Is she truly busy or is she blowing him off? And if she’s blowing him off, what are the chances he can get her to come right out and say that she just didn’t like him that much? I laugh a little bit first, because I can, and because it’s somewhat comical to see the other side of this equation. That’s usually me trying to decipher those text messages and getting all flustered. It’s cute that dudes do it too. So after I have my few moments of comedy, I kindly inform him that yes, she really is blowing you off, and no, she’s not going to come right out and say she doesn’t like you. He whines and complains a little bit because she just doesn’t know what she’s missing! She doesn’t know him well enough! I pat him on the head and shake my own, because really. She does know what she’s missing, and that is why she has chosen to miss it. She knew enough to know she didn’t want to know any more. Sorry! She’s just not that into you!

Some may see this as me being overly harsh to this poor boy. And yes, it can be difficult to deal with the realization that not everything thinks your the bee’s knees. I know. We’re all God’s precious little angels with our own special gifts, talents, and smashing good looks. But to some, your gift is annoying, and your face is more smashed than good looking. And this is a perfect spot to bring in some Momma D wisdom: “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.” This deceivingly seems to apply to just the ladies, but I have witnessed her using it for both genders and so I am carrying on tradition.

Next week we will discuss the cowardly aspect of this. You caught in this story that this girl would not come right out and say she didn’t like my friend. And in previous stories, dudes won’t just come out and say they don’t like you. Cowards. All of us. We’ll talk about it, and lick our wounds. Until next time, send some dating love to MSP: vtsassypants@gmail.com. Smooches!

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