Monthly Archives: July 2010

Random Compilation of Trifeness

We now break from our regularly scheduled program of discussing men 24/7 so I can complain about bad driving and scooters on the road, and perhaps a couple other things. You never know what will come up.

Here in good old Raleigh, scooters are becoming all the rage, and not just in the metropolitan area. People out in the ‘burbs are also being responsible citizens of Earth and lowering their carbon footprint by purchasing and making scooters their number one choice for transporting themselves to and fro. It is so wonderful. I love environmental responsibility and lowering one’s carbon footprint. Woohoo. I have a low emission/fuel efficient vehicle so high five to me, also. Here’s the difference: mine goes regular speeds (and vrooms and purrs quite nicely. Thanks BMW.) and yours does not, seeming to max out at 30mph. The problem with this is that somehow, Mr. Scooter thinks it is appropriate for him (or her) to ride right in the middle of the lane, leaving a long row of crawling real vehicles following irritatingly behind. 30mph would not be a problem except that greater than 90% of roads in suburban areas have speed limits greater than 30mph, and I am very impatient and like to maximize travel efficiency, not to mention drive my car like it’s meant to be driven. I have made up my mind that next time this happens, I will, without reservation or guilt, honk my horn until he or she moves over. And if that person is upset with me, I’ll wave and smile as I drive by. Don’t drop your groceries, cupcake!

Remember in college (so long ago…) when everyone was hungover and unshowered on Saturday and/or Sunday mornings (at a minimum)? For the ladies, it was hair up, hat on, maybe a headband or bag over your head, huge tshirt and sweatpants, flip-flops or Ugg boots. For dudes it was disheveled probably greasy hair, hat, grungy tshirt from the previous night, sweatpants and those moccasin fuzzy slipper things that are super comfy. For both, it included a face depleted of all color while we slowly recover from the ridiculousness that occurred the previous evening/earlier that morning. And being seen in public like this wasn’t really a big deal because everyone else looked just as trife as you. In fact, typically if you are showered and made up prior to mid-afternoon, you are very out of place.

Last Sunday, I was reminded that things aren’t like that in the real world of real people and no college. We went to a little eatery to get some yummy lamb pitas to-go. Upon entering said eatery, I found myself wishing they delivered. Since it was close to 1pm, people were there enjoying a nice Sunday lunch. Families, a group of girlfriends, couple of old elderly couples, etc. We walk in, clad in workout shorts and tshirts, me with a headband covering as much hair as possible, Roomz clutching a bottle of Gatorade, all of us probably pale and ghastly looking. MAJOR judgement faces from the cute showered group of girls in the corner. I mean just oozing. I was THIS close to walking up to their table and saying, “So what, you’ve never been hungover before?” and maybe taking one of their french fries and walking away with a flick of my pony tail. In my head it was funny, but in real life I remained sitting down with the closest air vent blowing on my face.

It has once again been reinforced that IT is the greatest career choice in the entire world. Sarcasm alert. Last night, I had the honor and privilege of coming in to work at 2am to mess around with some servers. Too much IT speak to explain it so I won’t. All you need to know is that some work cannot be done during regular business hours, and there’s no IT fairy who magically fixes things at night. Real people stay up until 2am on a Tuesday (and not at TOTS), come to the office (which turns the a/c off at night because we are a green building…woohoo) and do work. Until 3:45am. And then come back for an 8am meeting. At least this time no one walked up to my cube this morning and said, “Gosh, Miss Sassy, you’re looking rough today!” Men in IT have such tact and know all the right things to say to really make me feel great about myself. Warm fuzzies all around!

Since this is a crazy random post (hence the title), I’ll go ahead and share this gem: I LOVE these. Like, I keep the page open all day every day and will be stalking them until they go on sale and/or I get another coupon from DSW. Trust.

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East Coast Girls Are Hip, Southern Girls Knock You Out

Yes, I botched the lyrics, but it was on purpose for the sake of the title. And the reason that I am semi-quoting the Beach Boys’ famous song about California girls is because I’m about to become one! I don’t actually think I will “become” a California girl as I am not even sure what that entails, but I am at the very least moving there for my next rotation, and will pose as a California girl and/or a disastrously misplaced east coast girl living on the west coast for the next 6 months. Exciting! So I have embarked yet again into the wilderness that is Craigslist to try to find someone equally as awesome as my current landlord. I am highly skeptical since she is, like, super awesome, but I am of course maintaining a positive attitude.

Unlike the Raleigh area, Pleasant Hill is one of mucho cities in the San Francisco Bay area. There are a billion choices of little neighborhoods, town-ish places, etc. to choose from. Should I live 2 seconds from work again like I did here? Benefits: I am always late, a lesser commute seems to be helpful. Non-benefit: lack of social scene, lack of urban coolness. Should I live in San Fran and try my hand at super cool west coast urban living? Benefits: being a super cool west coast urbanite. Non-benefit: 30 or 40 minute commute, circa my first rotation in the ‘Mond going to and from Goochland, only longer and with more traffic. Hm. Other options include Berkeley, which looks pretty cute and is very conveniently located halfway between work and the super cool urbanism of SanFran (new word: urbanism). Benefits: awesome location, cute Victorian homes. Non-benefits/potential downsides: I am not a vegetarian by any stretch and did not vote for Obama…two things I fear will disqualify me from living in this region. But again, open minds, one and all. I’m not worried, truly, since I will be oozing southern charm and class from every pore. JP ya’ll.

I am also contemplating roommate choices. There are infinitely more dudes looking for roommates than there are ladies. While we could suppose why this is all day, we can skip that and move right on to the real question: can I or can I not live with a boy that I don’t know? There are so many benefits to living with dudes in my opinion, and should the occasion ever arise that I could live with any of my loving dude friends I would jump at the chance (with few exceptions), especially given that most of them are cleaner than me. Bonus. [Whether they would jump at the chance to live with me…whole other story.] But boys I don’t know are completely different. Benefits include the following: 1) Body guarding. Nothing like a big strong live-in dude to defend me from bad guys. 2) Reaching things in high up places. I have mentioned this before, and I know not all dudes are tall but I also know all dudes are taller than me. 3) Other dude friends. I love dudes, and not just because I may or may not simply love men, I’m one of those girls who refers to herself as a “guys’ gal.” Whatever that means. I’ve always had more dude friends than girls, so whatever. 4) Less drama! Admittedly, my current situation is a drama-free zone (which I love love love. Roomz, you rock) but we all know girls living together increases the drama possibilities by 64,789 times. Dudes are just simpler creatures, and I really enjoy this.

Non-benefits of living with a guy include the following: 1) Extreme skepticism from Momma Sassy and Poppa Pants. You may say it shouldn’t matter what they think but ya’ll they know how to play the co-ed living tsk-tsk card, and will play it until I am married and probably even then. Threats include everything from death to impregnation to “pig-sty bathrooms,” all of which are undesirable, and it’s extremely exhausting to defend all of this 24/7. 2) Some men are gross – see previous comment about pig-sties. Admit it dudes. You are, as a gender in general, just not delicate. It could be dangerous to my health. 3) He could be a skeeze. It’s always possible, and then I could end up…impregnated. Ahem. Anywho. Things to consider. I will obviously report back later.

Moving to CA means that this is my last week in R-town and I must admit I am close to devastated. I have come to love this place and will miss it and my new pals dearly. Also, side note, I’ll be back in Richmond for the rest of the month of July so give me a holler on my cellular device if you’re around! Miss Sassy wants to see you and your beautiful faces.

PS! If anyone knows anyone close to San Fran or has any tips for me please holler! Comments welcome. Visits encouraged. Sass present at all times.

Are You Looking for Snarky Sass and Constant Class? Pick Me!

I love writing. I love writing about trifeness, the news, working, working in IT, not working at all, writing this blog while “working”, parents, friends, cars, carbon footprints, shoes, Bon Qui Qui, and on rare occasions, boys. It is super fun. I suppose by writing and using this blog as an outlet I am making an assumption that people are actually interested and will actually read this jank. And guess what? They do. Thanks to WordPress’ sweet analytics, I can track how many people find Miss Sassy Pants (on purpose or by accident) every day. And surprisingly it’s more than just my loving parents. It’s pretty cool.

Thinking back on my childhood and youth, I think I always had a tiny habit of writing little stories or keeping up with my own thoughts and observations in some way. And yet here I am, as an adult finally, and have a career which involves zero writing whatsoever, aside from requirements documents, reports, project summaries, and the occasional IT Announcement email (it is more difficult than you’d think to keep the snark out of these) which no one ever reads (making it even more difficult to justify not being snarky). That kind of writing though is not fun. I don’t even really know why I didn’t choose something like journalism or English as a major, and instead chose the path that probably has some of the least amount of writing involved. Brilliant. But I have a fab job, and I actually do like it, at least at the moment. This here blog is a fun way for me to spend free time, communicate with my family which mostly lives far away, share hilarious boy stories en masse with girlfriends, impart my never ending man-related wisdom, fill time when I’m bored, and take subtle yet to-the-point jabs at dudes who are lucky or unfortunate enough to come across me in real life. Anonymously of course. And lastly, I really love having an outlet to remind everyone that he’s just not that into you! If nothing else, I really love how my dear mother and father think this jank is so funny. If everyone pledged to stop reading MSP except them, I would still write it.

So what’s the point of this slightly serious and non-dude-related post? It’s developing. I just wanted to share that I love doing it and hope you all love or at least mildly kind of like reading the occasional trife story. If I could make a living being snarky and sarcastic, I totally would. IT is so fab and I dearly love being the only female for miles in a cubicle farm of nerds and geeks, cranking out code and fixing networks. But who wouldn’t love to make a living with a blog? Not sure the paychecks would compare and not sure MSP herself could live off a tiny writers paycheck (see numerous posts about shoes) but she/I would delight in a side job which involved me sharing some sass (and switching from first to third person frequently, apparently). And how about I’ll just come right out and say, if anyone knows anyone who knows anyone who works for any kind of publication that could use some snarky sass and constant class (or a poet, since apparently I am honing my rhyming skills), sign me up. I will write about anything, since it seems the only things that relate every one of these posts is that sass or a lack of sass is involved. Spread the word and share the love ya’ll.

And lastly, a big huge thank you to everyone who takes the occasional couple of minutes (or 20, I know I babble) to make MSP part of your daily/weekly/monthly lives. I love you all. If you ever have a super trife story and think it is worthy of sharing because it is so freaking hilarious and/or trife, do send it my way. Guest bloggers also welcome, after pre-screening for appropriate levels of sassiness and class. Of course, Miss Sassy herself will always have things to share as long as I do not go blind, deaf, and/or slip into a coma. That’s how easy it is.

Never forget: he’s just not that into you.