The Ultimate Cool Head

Lately I have been contemplating a couple things, shockingly relating to boys and dating. I know, something new for once. Don’t lie, you love it, because this jank applies to everyone, even grown-ups. I say that like I’m not a grown-up…I guess the verdict is still out. I do own my own vehicle now though so I think I get points for that. Moving on.

Let’s close our eyes for a minute. Hypothetically I guess, since you can’t close your eyes and read at the same time. So eyes “closed”, picture in your head the ultimate cool single chick. She’s good looking, the kind that’s super hot but also cute and super confident and not trashy. She’s put together, has her life together – good job, pays her own bills, holds her own in the big bad world. She dates and has had boyfriends in the past but nothing has stuck so far, and really she’s not too worried. She lets the  boys come to her, doing minimal work and being the first to call never. She feels good because she knows she’s got it, but she’s also read “He’s Just Not That Into You” so she knows when to let go. [Side note: this is not a self portrait of Miss Sassy, although admittedly there are some common elements.] Got the picture? I bet you can think of at least 3 to 5 ladies in your life (including yourself or not) that fit this general profile. They’re super cool, super collected, and very rational thinkers. Right? Yes. Until…

Now let’s pretend this is you. Because, come one ladies, you are super cool and collected 24/7. Work it. So you’re going on your merry way through life, no cares, no worries, bills paid, friends made (dang, what a rhyme), when you find yourself being pursued by a suitor (yes suitor, go with it). He’s super cute, very smart, gentlemanly, totally your type and excellent on paper. Getting points left and right for all the cute things he’s saying, doing, not doing, etc. etc. making those around you want to vom because it’s so freaking cute. Yeesh. But it’s still new and you’re still feeling each other out (not literally, come on people minds out of the gutter). You think you like him but it’s not love at first sight and you’re totally cool with the casualness, slow-ish pace things are moving. You’re in no hurry, since your friends all around you are dropping like flies to marriage and babies (I swear this is not a self-portrait). And plus, you have the power right now. He’s calling you, asking you out, texting you first, initiating everything. He is seeking you out and this gives you the power to say yes or no. You like it this way. Who doesn’t? I’m old fashioned so I like it this way, and you should too. But…

Then one day you happen to notice, you’ve been the one initiating texts, calling first, asking about plans, etc. Not obsessively of course, but maybe you catch yourself writing a text and realize…this is not the first time you’ve done this. And in fact you can’t remember when the last time he initiated a communique. Hm. What has happened? You send the text anyway. He takes more than 5 seconds to respond so your mind is racing. Why isn’t he answering? Is he seeing someone else?? What did I do?! You try to find your cool head and brush it off, thinking you will start paying more attention. After this, you will go back to the original (and right) way of doing things and let him come to you. If he doesn’t, then you’ll know you can move on. But you can’t! Because now things are inconsistent. He’s busy. You’re busy. He used to text you every day and make at least one phone call and now it’s all weird. You find yourself unable to resist asking him what his plans are, seeing if you can fit yourself in there somewhere. You’re thinking about it all day, it’s distracting you from work, your doubting yourself constantly. YOU, Miss Independent, Miss Hot Confidence, Miss Work-That-Up-Do, has doubts! And you know it’s happened. The power has shifted. You no longer hold the situation in the palm of your hand. You no longer have the freedom to maybe decline one of his invites, knowing he’ll call or ask again. Now, the ball is in his court.

I loathe these situations. Who doesn’t? It can take the most confident and carefree gal and turn her into crock pot of low self confidence, mixed with self-doubt, self-loathing, a side of magnified and exaggerated faults, with mood swings and daily bad hair days on the side. Nothing helps, not even that new hair spray you bought. You get dressed in the morning knowing you look good and ready for the day, then less than an hour later with still no “good morning” flirty text or anything you’re completely miserable. Then by lunch time you’ve written it off and are oh-so-over it, especially because the sandwich guy at Jason’s Deli winked at you and gave you a little boost. Then driving home from work you’re depressed again, wondering what you should do all alone at your apartment. But then he sends a cute text and you’re all googoo again. Ladies, why on EARTH do we let this happen? I have no idea. And it has happened to me plenty-o-times, let me tell you. Or ask Momma Sassy, since she’s my pitying ear 99% of the time. I personally blame hormones, but this is a bad excuse. We should never let ourselves be tricked into begging for time on some dude’s supposedly “busy” calendar. I have said this before a hundred billion times. If he’s worth it, he’ll make the effort. And if he stops making the effort, there is always a reason. And that reason is usually something along the lines of he’s just not that into you. If you disagree, you’re wrong. Dudes? Am I right? Thought so.

Of course as with any situation, there are few exceptions. FEW, meaning, maybe one or two in a lifetime of guys will be the exception to this rule. Men are simple. If they decide they don’t like you, they’ll stop spending lots of time on you. If he was truly a nice guy, you could keep it in the friend zone and add him to the list of good looking men you surround yourself with. If he turned out to be a top notch douche bag, then perhaps it’s time to just say goodbye for realz. I know sometimes it’s hard to tell, but go with your gut. And always keep in mind, when you are feeling especially emotional, consider what time of the month it is before making any decisions. Sometimes you have to step back and tell yourself to put down the phone, and take a nap instead. Because remember, angry/accusatory/passive aggressive texts and irrational behavior are not sassy and are especially not classy. Be cool, calm, classy, and collected and they will come buzzing like bees to honey.  And never forget the dash of sass. Happy Friday!

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