Boys boys boys! Who is shocked that this post will be about boys? If you answered yes and actually meant it, you should stop reading immediately and go have your head checked. Seriously folks, I am nothing if not consistent.
Here’s the background story for today’s foreground story: My dear friend and colleague, Queenie, has been “seeing” this guy for a good number of months (this is not a heading-towards-marriage-and-babies thing, but a good time nonetheless) and I’ll be honest and say she’s been struggling a bit. Now, Queenie is a hot chick. She is tall and gorgeous with an adorable/sexy/cute haircut, is always put together, is super smart and very good at her job, and on top of it all has a bangin’ personality complete with occasional snarky comments and sarcasm. She is the total package. Her momma done raised her right. Bottom line is she’s not the quiet, shy girl who gets walked all over by dudes. So. Dude she’s hanging with is good looking, knows it, is also smart (unconfirmed), and has a semi-decent personality (unconfirmed), and perhaps has other decent qualities about him which Queenie deems worthy. I have not actually met him so suffice it to say, she is interested enough to spend her time with him. He, on the other hand, seems interested enough to spend some of his time with her, and the rest of the time he finds it appropriate to blow her off. I will now dissect all the reasons why this is trife.
RUDE. A la my home girl Bon Qui Qui. Miss Sassy says it is RUDE (pronounced with less emphasis on the “D”..almost like you’re just saying “RUE”) to cancel on your girl (or anyone for that matter) in excess of 3 times per every 5 times you hang out. I just made that up. But ladies, if your man of the moment is making plans with you and cancelling more than half the time for who-cares-what-reason, it is time to say goodbye. Say it with me now: Buh-bye. Go find you a man who will make plans and stick to them.
The reason: Yes, sometimes he’s bizy gurl and he gotta be at work late makin that dolla, yaknowwhatimsayin! Fine. Excusable excuses include: death in the family (ish is serious, have a heart), illness in the family if it is major, ie cancer, heart attack, etc. If he is all “my cousin has chicken pox, I can’t hang out,” that is triflin. Other reasons are case by case but I maintain, if he is into you he will sacrifice anything and everything to keep a date with you! You are hot girl, trust. INexcusable excuses include the following: He’s in a weird mood. I’ll type it again in case any of you had my reaction when Queenie shared this with me: He’s in a weird mood, as in “been moody lately.” Tri-fa-lin. I am the girl. I am allowed to be moody because I have a monthly menstrual cycle that jacks up my hormones and makes me cry at the drop of the hat and yell at everyone for anything. And if asked what my reason is for being such a queen biotch, I am “moody.” Luckily modern medicine provides Midol, Advil, and heating pads to decrease the chance that I fly off the handle at any given moment. But you, dear gentlemen, have no excuse. And if you are “moody” then PLEASE make something better up for crying out loud! There is not a chance in our Lord’s house that I will ever believe you don’t want to hang out with me because you are “moody” and “feeling off this week.” At least be a little creative.
If a dude blows me off, this tells me a few things, but mostly it tells me that you’re not that into me. If this is not the message you want to send me, then you should stop blowing me off. It is really quite simple. If we chat every Monday and make plans to, say, watch LOST every week on Wednesdays at 9pm (DVR, no commercials, duh), and then every Wednesday at 8:30pm, you TEXT me (trife…man up and make the phone call) and say something along the lines of “hey [insert cutesy name here], I’m not feeling well, rain check? :)” this is what I see: “hey [name which makes me vom], I found something better to do, don’t really care if we hang out again but I’m half-way trying to not be a jerk.” Smiley’s in texts like that are useless and typically ignored, as there is nothing cute or worth smiling about in this situation. Alternate versions of this text read something like this “…[cutesy name], something came up…” or “…my mom is surprise visiting me…” or “I had to work late, I’m exhausted…” All of these say the same thing: found something better to do. What’s even better is when, later that very Wednesday evening when you could be hanging out, he sends something super-cheesy like “miss you [cutesy name], can’t wait to see you at work tomorrow 😉 …” E-NUF with the cutesy emoticons and wink faces.
If you’re a dude, you might be rationalizing at this point: things come up! Seriously, my mom did surprise me, you don’t know my mom! It was a once-in-a-lifetime concert! My boss is crazy and made me work until 10! Answer: I. Don’t. Care. It is my experience (either through my legit own experiences or through my homegirls’ experiences through which I live vicariously on occasion) that none of these excuses are really real. Sure, you’re mom could have surprised you. Yes it was an awesome concert you got last minute tickets to. But what about the last time you blew me off, and the time before that, and the time before that? If it’s a pattern, it’s a problem. And as the wise Poppa Pants has been saying since I was 3, it’s what you do, not what you say. He’s right folks, and let’s be real and acknowledge that I don’t admit to that fact for just anything.
If you absolutely must break a date, the polite and acceptable alternative is to reschedule, instead of just canceling with a vague promise to call or text at a vague later time to make another vague and easily cancel-able plan.
Bottom line: be consistent, if you like me/her/whoever. Do not make plans with me, then decide you don’t like frizzy hair and cancel at the last minute. Because in a hot second, I/she/whoever will drop you and move on to the next [better looking] [smarter] [funnier] dude who thinks and knows that we are fabulous and sassy, and doesn’t mind my frizzy hair.