Yes that’s right ladies and gentlemans, it is Friday and Miss Sassy is thra-to-the-illed. Because I am having such a peachy awesome day, I am bestowing on you loving readers a comprehensive list of my pet peeves for your enjoyment. I know, you love me.
1) Bad drivers never used to irritate me so much. JK they’ve always irritated me, and anyone who’s ever been one city block in my car knows I party like it’s 1999, aka RAGE whilst on the road. I love the word whilst. So this past week, someone must have put out a bulletin that read something like this:
“Attention All Bad Drivers: Please drive extra bad and slow this week as Miss Sassy will be in a hurry / not wanting to die in a car wreck every day of the week. We aim to make her as late as possible to work and put her life in danger on the reg. 3rd prize to the person who makes her scream out obscenities the loudest, 2nd prize to whomever can make her face the reddest, 1st prize and free week long road trip in an RV goes to the talented a-hole on the road who makes her so angry that she actually cries on the way to work. Deadline is Friday, April 29th.”
I awarded all of those prizes this week to numerous people, including the RV. It’s in the mail yo. And yes, I know there are bad drivers everywhere, and being late to work is my own fault, blah blah blah. BUT when I can make it to work in relatively normal work traffic in 3 minutes and you cause me to take 15 whole minutes to get .5 miles, you have MAJOR ISSUES and should not be driving. Examples include but are not limited to the following: not using a turn signal and cutting me off 3 times, driving 20 in a 45 zone, slamming on breaks for absolutely no reason, forgetting which side is the accelerator, and lastly my favorite of all, stopping at a green light. Also, unrelated to actual driving ability, I do not understand how some people can be completely reclined in their seat so that their head is only visible in the backseat window and yet they can still see over the dash…puzzling.
2) All the rest of my pet peeves have been washed away by the good news that I can leave early and go lay out on my back deck. Thanks boss. No I am so not writing this at work!
So for today, enjoy my rant about bad driving and know that if you are a bad driver we probably can’t be friends. Plus everyone knows being a good driver is sassy so get on it girl! More pet peeves to come by next Friday I am sure.
Everyone look alive out there this weekend! You never know when you’ll meet your true love or new bestie. My advice: practice your sass in the mirror before you use it in the wild, and for crying out loud don’t be an idiot on the road. Smooches.