Monthly Archives: February 2010

Terrorists apologize for terrorizing, friend U.S. on facebook, world at peace. SIKE.

Preface for this entry: I know I’ve chatted before about my current dislike of pretty much everything our government is doing (other than the military kicking Taliban ass in Afghanistan and in general owning terrorist tush elsewhere in the Middle East), but I really cannot help myself on this one and must opine about the ridiculousness I read during my self-imposed 10 minute break this morning. So forgive me if you a) disagree, b) are tired of my opinion of our fine “democratic” government, or c) think I am uneducated and don’t need to be spouting about politics. Here’s my response: a) I don’t care what you think, b) I can’t help my sarcasm or at times extreme exaggeration when discussing this topic or any topic really, and c) it’s my blog, I do what I want with it. Remember: Sassy Pants. Moving on.

So maybe some of you have heard of how our Attorney General wants to try terrorists/enemies of the state in civilian court. No? Well news flash: the Attorney General / Obama Administration has said they want to try terrorists in civilian court. Because God forbid anything bad or unfair happen to terrorists! It’s not like they hate us or killed thousands of our people or are constantly plotting our deaths. It’s all good because this is America and here in America we are fair and don’t want anyone to get mad at us when we deal with our enemies. Oy. But then the public went sort of nuts about it and they kind of retracted their statements. Except I think Mr. Holder still sort of wants to hang out, maybe play some beer pong with Mr. Pants-on-Fire or Mr. I-planned-the-attack-that-killed-thousands-of-Americans. Too bad their religion forbids consuming alcohol.

Anyway, back to the most recent article. Read it. Admittedly I am not a scholar of the justice system, or the dealings of the CIA/FBI/500 other national security agencies which apparently don’t communicate with each other. But I do know that if someone is an illegal citizen and is caught in the act/planning of an attack on American citizens, he or she should be treated as an illegal enemy combatant. This doesn’t mean that this person should be subjected to torture or other excessively cruel things (not that I wouldn’t punch one of them in the face if I had the chance. Jerks), but it does mean that he or she does NOT have rights as an American citizen! Because hey! Those rights are for…American citizens! Focus on the “illegal” part of “illegal enemy combatant.”

It is annoying to me that the Attorney General is too concerned with the opinions of his “friends on the left” to think about how putting a terrorist on trial in a civilian court would impact civilians. There are too many consequences to account for here (and again I’m not a scholar so I don’t even know all of them). But you guys. If you lived in NYC, how comfortable would you be if Mr. 9/11 Mastermind was hanging out a couple blocks from your apartment on trial for his crimes? Yes, handcuffs, bright orange jump suit, tight security, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t like it. Plus, we’ve all seen Law & Order (don’t lie, you love those marathons just as much as anyone). The smallest mistake or breach of policy can get a case dismissed. How many times have you seen L&O: SVU and watched the rapist go free because the cops were too tough on him during interrogation, or something wacky happens during the trial and the judge declares a mistrial? What if this were to happen with Mr. Evil Mastermind? He’d be free. Free to plot and kill more people. Like I said before – he still hates us.  I doubt there’s been any Stockholm Syndrome going on over at Gitmo.

I also think it’s annoying that Mr. Holder is taking this one specific case of one guy pleading guilty as a victory (it is) and use it to “prove” that the rest of the bad guys should be treated nicely. This simply makes no sense. Before I go off too much more, how about I just close by saying: I agree with this article. Read it if you didn’t already. And think long and hard about who you vote for or what kind of things you support. Don’t be blinded by the ideology of the higher ups.  Fairness doesn’t exist in the world, otherwise there wouldn’t be any poor people or rich people or wars or even terrorists. Yes it’d be awful nice if we could wave peace signs in the air and apologize for being awesome so all the terrorists would like us. Something tells me that won’t work. America has never been weak before when dealing with enemies. Let’s not start now.

Not the most organized of entries, but I just wanted to say: don’t be idiots. The definition of enemy combatant is: a member of the armed forces of the state with which another state is at war. Don’t forget we are at war and our first priority should be to our own people’s safety, not the fairness and treatment of our enemies.

Where in the World is MSP!?

Here I am! Things here in the Rals have been absolutely crazy. My social calendar has been packed to the brim, boys knocking at my door/texting me constantly, girls want to be me. JUST KIDDING. This is real life, not a reality show. And real life means: I’ve been at work. No time for social anything or boys knocking anywhere. Maybe some girls want to be me in the office because I have the cutest shoes by far on the 4th floor (I mean, just saying), but I can’t speak for everyone. Anywho. Work consumes my every moment. When I am not there, I’m on the way there, getting donuts for my team, sleeping, eating, or weighing myself wondering how fat I will get before I have time to go to the gym. Not only do I have to be at work all the time, but I am busy at work on the reg. Which unfortunately means zero/minimal time to holler on the interwebs whilst at work about my sassiness and other trifeness in my life. But not to worry, I am remedying the situation. Points to me for using “whilst” in a sentence.

So work. My new assignment for my job is actually pretty great so far. I like going there, I like my cubicle (I know it’s weird but seriously – good location, window, and it’s not gray), I like my boss and my team, and the building is less than a mile from my house! Multiple perks. I haven’t met too many young people just yet so for now I’m chillin with the 40+ crowd. Yes, it’s super fun, especially when I don’t buy any of my own drinks ever because they all make “16 times” what I’m making. That’s a direct quote. Works for me. However I am in search of people my age so we don’t have to talk about wives, kids, or knee surgery – three things I know nothing about.

Next up, living situation. As I mentioned previously, my craigslist roomie is super nice. We have now been coexisting in her home for 4 weeks now, and it’s going very well so far. The main perk is that we watch all the same tv shows so there’s no issue with competing for dvr recording time. Very important. Also apparently there are some dude neighbors on our circle who we have yet to meet, but according to Roomz they are young and attractive. I haven’t had any legit sightings yet (shocking) however I did have this gem: last week I came home from work, put on my leggings, oversized sweatshirt, fuzzy socks and slippers (Roomz keeps it sort of cold in the house so I bundle up). I then decided to get the mail, which is located at the center of the circle in one of those bulk mailboxes. So get the picture: leggings, huge sweatshirt, super fuzzy pink socks and my slippers, hair up, glasses. Very glam. Of course one of these supposedly good looking dudes chooses this moment to walk out his front door. He waved and said hi. I gave him the best southwest VA “hay” and the least self-conscious and ironic smile I could muster. It was a classic moment, and after he drove away I laughed out loud. Anywhoooz, happy to be here is the bottom line on this jank.

Gym. Tuesday I went to the nearest awesomest Gold’s Gym in Raleigh. I heard through the grapevine that it is the newest and the nicest gym in the area, and as a major perk, has the highest number of young people in attendance. And let me tell ya’ll. It is SO true. I walked in there today to have my appointment with Rick (this picture is almost a true likeness) and was immediately flabbergasted by the wide array of attractiveness within. I mean it was shocking and I had to actively close my mouth more than a couple times. Remember when I waxed poetic about all the yummy goodness that was at the Richmond gym? Well this is like times 10. Luckily I am not on the prowl OR boy crazy, so it’s really all the same to me. But back to Rick. We met and discussed my body fat percent, body mass index, my fitness goals, and made a fitness plan for me. Tonight I have my first of possibly weekly appointments with a personal trainer who is going to whip my tush into shape. I am super stoked because my place of employment actually reimburses me partially not only for my gym membership but also for personal training sessions provided by my gym. Awesome perks, people. I’m pretty excited to actually have a plan when I go to the gym, instead of just hanging out on the treadmill hoping to burn a couple hundred calories. It’s going to be super sassy when I’m jacked and can kick some ass. Watch out!

Breaking Story: Men Missing from World

Yet another case has come to my attention that leads me to believe that Men have gone missing. Please contact your local law enforcement (this includes you, cousin of mine in England – Men are missing from there too, I’m sure – sans your amazing hubby of course) and have them put out an amber alert for Men. I, and my Women colleagues would like to be apprised of the status of this case should any new developments develop. The alert should include the following information at a minimum: Men were last seen a) driving a pickup truck that is not too small or too large, b) having confidence but not little man syndrome or over-compensating for something *cough*, c) being a real Man, as in minimal hair gel usage, no double popped collars, and no V-necked t-shirts a la Simon Cowell (yuck) with any kind of Ed Hardy-esque shiny design.

What follows is a sample of evidence I have gathered that has helped lead me to my conclusion that Men have indeed gone missing. I received a report from Miss Foxy regarding a possible Man siting. We were both excited, as his Man-credentials included bull-riding (what could be more manly?) and being from Alabama (not a prerequisite that is necessary for all Men, but a southern accent is occasionally charming). However, further exposure to said Man revealed that he is actually not a real Man. Charges against him included needing to be reassured every 5 seconds that he was “cool,” “edgy,” and/or “crazy,” and asking permission for too many things (real Men will know when to ask and when to take action). This evidence suggests that he seriously lacked confidence in any area, except apparently when riding a raging bull.

Again, should any new developments arise concerning the location of Men, please notify Miss Sassy Pants. No need to panic or run frantically around town searching, as I’m sure a logical and rational search will yield results.