Let’s talk about flirting. Here’s a topic that pretty much everyone can relate too, whether you’re an 80-year-old woman flirting with the newspaper boy, or a 5th grader hitting the girl that sits next to you so she knows you have some special feelings, and everyone else in between. This is for you.
Somebody’s been flirting with me lately (I know, shocking! Usually I’m so sassy I scare them off, muahaha) and it’s been…I really can’t think of an adjective to describe it so read on. It’s been a while since someone who is officially unattached to someone else has flirted with me (see past entry regarding lack of single people in this town) and I must admit, I’m out of practice. I know ya’ll feel me when I say it’s so much easier flirting when you know that other person isn’t available, right! It’s harmless (for the most part), there’s no pressure (again mostly), and you know you won’t have to actually follow through with any of it because it’s all in good fun! Unless he’s a skeez, in which case…well we make our own beds. Anywho, so it’s comical and here’s why. Firstly, my usual quick wit is failing me on the reg and it is so not cool. Negative cool points. I don’t know what is wrong with me! He makes some comment and I can’t figure out if I’m not paying attention or losing my hearing but I’m way off my game, all stuttering and making no sense and asking myself WHERE is Miss Sassy Pants when I need her! So this makes it comical, as I seem to be routinely missing the mark or thinking of some cute response way too late.
My new strategy to combat my failures is to play the mystery card. It’s way fun because I can pretend I have something to say by putting on my mystery face and you know he’s all, “what the heck is she thinking!” And I can do something demure like shrug and smirk. Ladies: try it sometime, it’s a joy, and also an exercise in acting. And dudes, update: just because we may look mysterious does not necessarily mean we are. It could mean that we are like me, with a head full of nothing to say, apparently. BUT you should be cautious as looking and acting mysterious could still indicate mysteriousness. Really it’s a toss-up, so good luck. I’m here to tell you though: Miss Sassy Pants is out of shape. Good thing I’m going to the gym!
So now I’m left to wonder at the cause of my lack of game-ness so I can fix it. Usually, and this is no brag, I am quick with the snarky comments and witty banter. In fact I’d say most 99% of the time I have something sarcastic to say to pretty much everything I hear (and have only recently acquired a filter, might I add, having taken a job as a working professional). It’s a gift. But really, the cause of my failures is unknown. If this were an episode of House, it would go unsolved, and the patient, i.e. me, would die. Hm.
But wait! I am Miss Sassy Pants! I don’t just need her around, I am her. I am sassy. The definition of sassy is, “fresh, improperly forward or bold [haha], spirited, cheeky, saucy, vigorous, lively.” While I’m not sure I am vigorous on a regular basis, these are important things for me to keep in mind as I am out and about scoping for the future father of my children and/or the man who will buy my next frozen marg, no salt thanks. The bottom line is this: don’t forget yourselves at home girls! Take all the sass with you where ever you go – when you are sweating like a pig at the gym, when you are out with all the gals, and even when you are buying Ho-Hos and Lucky Charms at the grocery store (guilty). You never know when Mr. Right [Now] will walk by and wink. Of course, as with most things, sass is best in moderation and works well when paired with excess class. As I always/lately say, it’s sassy to be classy!