I have joined a real grown-up person gym. I paid an enrollment fee (discounted! obvs, Miss Sassy always finding deals) and have set up an automatic drafting of my bank account to pay for such services as ellipticals, treadmills, pilates class, ab machines, step class, and even zumba! I’m skeptical on that last one…we’ll see.
So last week my work pal / new gym pal and I braved the after work crowd and went to exercise. It was epic. We chose two empty treadmills and decided to give it our all. I’m on my bright yellow running machine (very uplifting and happy color for a treadmill, no?) and chugging away. My only goals were to 1) not trip and fall off, 2) run for as long as possible, 3) hopefully make it at least 10 minutes. Did I mention I’m way out of shape? Anywho so I’m running, jamming out to some Journey and I look up from the calorie counter and discover…this gym is full of men. And let me share something about men in a gym: they are all jacked. Anyone who knows Miss Sassy knows she really appreciates this! And boy, I’m appreciatin! Pun intended. There are a few yuckies here and there but it’s easy to avert the eyes to the next “get-jacked” machine and find something nice to watch. Also I suppose it is of note that I’m not focusing on facial features…I know, I’m a total creeper. Well whatever, because next time I look down at the time it’s already been 14 minutes! 14 minutes of solid 7.5 mph jogging. Go Miss Sassy Pants! Better than watching the fat politicians on Fox News or CNN, which were my other options. Gross. Tangent: I don’t understand putting news on TVs at the gym…I cannot hear their dribbling over the sound of my intense workout! Not to mention the 300 other people up in here making all kinds of clanging with the weights and stomping with their tootsies. Put up some music vids or something stimulating. Anywho. I ignore Hannity and Larry King (ick) and focus on the other shows going on…off the plasma screens.
Following our treadmill adventure, work pal and I ventured into the Mind & Body studio to mess with our minds and bodies…aka take a pilates class. Yeah we’re diving into this working out thing head first. Our instructor had to be the most ridiculously peppy girl I have ever seen (not counting the chicks in High School Musical) and possibly too flexible. Girl was all about the intense exhales (you know, the kind that made her spit…awkwardly making me giggle mid-rep) and showing off the advanced moves. Pa-leease, I can use that ring too biatch. So me and work pal give it all we’ve got and we own that Pilates class. When the torture is over an hour later, I can already feel my body rebelling against the hard work I put in over the last hour and a half. As we hobble back to the locker room (passing more ridiculously good-looking men as we go) I discover that the motivation to workout which I had misplaced a while ago has returned to me. I found it underneath the well-worn (and slightly smelly) pilates mat that I missed so much. And remember when I posted a little while ago wondering where all the men in this darn city were? Well I found them. They’re all at the gym showing off for each other comparing biceps and badass ripped man-tanks. No I do not want to pick up a gorilla for my life mate, but there is no law against observing them in their natural habitat. So I like biceps, sue me. And just to be clear, my motivation to get in shape and go to the gym has nothing to do with my man-discovery. Stop judging. Ok maybe it has a tiny influence. But it is a happy coincidence, and will make grueling workouts much more bearable. And the pleasant view makes my post-workout intense soreness / stiffness / general inability to move normally totally worth it.
Wouldn’t you agree that it’s sassy to be in shape? I can’t imagine it would be very sassy of Miss Sassy if she couldn’t fit into her pants!
PS Part 1 of Miss Sassy’s makeover: gym membership, check. Stay tuned for part 2 – I become a red-haired lady on Thursday…enjoy the suspense.