1986 Called! Guess What?!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, 80s fashions are coming back! Miss Sassy Pants begs to differ.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a fashionista or up on the latest and greatest coming off the runways of Paris and NYC, nor do I attend or pay close attention to fashion week or expensive fashion designers new fall or spring labels! Bunch of BS if you ask me.  I digress.

I would simply like to address the shoulder pad in the work place.  I am not old enough to remember when they first came into fashion (see the date above, Momma Sassy knows what was happening then, and whatever it was, Miss Sassy Pants wasn’t around to witness it yet), but I am able (although not too willing) to look at pictures from that brilliant era in fashion. Who ever decided it was a good look to have massive manly square dike looking shoulders?? I’m really not sure.  But whoever it was, I am SURE they have seen the error of their ways with the passing of 2+ decades since this atrocity.

However, there is one woman with whom I have had minimal contact today (I will not say if she was or was not in my office as I would like to remain semi mysterious about this), and let me tell you.  This lady has NO idea what year it is.  I am going to temporarily hate on her outfit (see previous post about judgement before you scoff) to explain my discomfort with shoulder pads.  This woman is very shapely, hot legs, slim waste, healthy size bust (ok she had nice looking ta-tas, what am I supposed to say), and her makeup is always done just so. She is in general an attractive woman of probably early to mid 40s.  But damn.  Never have I seen her without a suit jacket with HUGE shoulder pads.  She could even be characterized as petite, and petite ladies do not do well with large shoulder pads.  Miss Sassy Pants would know.  I wouldn’t even be able to carry on a conversation without staring at her shoulder cleavage! Anyone remember that hilarious Tide To-Go commercial with the hilarious talking stain? Yes.

Now I will pause for a moment and share that Miss Sassy Pants has a suit jacket – quite a few in fact, being the working professional lady gal that I am – with shoulder pads! However, there is a line that needs to be drawn with shoulder pads.  I will admit that a suit jacket with shoulder pads can look nice – more professional even, when done right.  But not this. Or this.  Or this.  This last picture made my point for me.  I have seen many examples of nice looking shoulder enhancing shirts, jackets, and dresses.  However Miss Sassy Pants argues that upwards of 95% of all of these looks need to go, as Bon Qui Qui says.  These trends that “come back” always come back with a modern twist of some kind. Every decade has made a supposed come back, where we’ve seen things like bell bottom jeans (guilty – it was middle school people), popped collars (guilty again – early high school, so hard to be cool), leggings, jellies, jump-suits (I mean wtf), high-waisted pants and shorts (fine if you have a waist), etc. come back into fashion and thrown in our faces by Express, Gucci, Target, Limited Too, even Hot Topic, depending on what you like to brand yourself with.  [Aside: Miss Sassy Pants asserts that none of the fashions that Hot Topic has ever carried were ever “in” nor will they ever be, no matter how many times they are brought back.]  However. When it comes to enhancing your shoulder cleavage, as with enhancing boob cleavage, be conservative! Never have I heard or seen a man say “Dang that woman is hot – look at her square shoulders!” Athletic shoulders maybe.  Delicate, lady-like shoulders perhaps.  But ladies, let’s leave square and wide-shouldering to the men.  It’s a much better look on them, and they don’t need foam in their jackets to do it.

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